I dated a guy like that. I used to pick up dinner for a night in, but he would always pay if we were out. I'm old enough that it wasn't weird, although in the beginning I would always offer.

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

Pushing 40, but dated mostly women in my younger years and have been off the dating scene for years. This stuff is new to me.

Anonymous wrote:I've dated guys like that. I think it's really sweet unless they're trying to be controlling/condescending. You probably should talk to him about it, though - and say, "hey. I like you. I make decent money too, and I feel weird that you always pay. I never want you to feel like you HAVE to pay for me, or that I'm with you for your money. You should let me pick up a tab once in awhile." If he still refuses, then hey, let him do it and buy him nice things sometimes - a good bottle of scotch, a sweater that would look good on him, etc. Or pick up groceries to cook at home.

+1

This.

Anonymous wrote:I don't see this as being a problem at all. He's doing what I, and others like me, think that a guy should do.

Not among equals.

How old are you?

I don't see this as being a problem at all. He's doing what I, and others like me, think that a guy should do.

I've dated guys like that. I think it's really sweet unless they're trying to be controlling/condescending. You probably should talk to him about it, though - and say, "hey. I like you. I make decent money too, and I feel weird that you always pay. I never want you to feel like you HAVE to pay for me, or that I'm with you for your money. You should let me pick up a tab once in awhile." If he still refuses, then hey, let him do it and buy him nice things sometimes - a good bottle of scotch, a sweater that would look good on him, etc. Or pick up groceries to cook at home.

Anonymous wrote:It's making me feel weird. I'm appreciative, but I don't want him to feel responsible for all the costs. Not sure if some of this is generational. He's 46. We've been dating for about 6 months.

How am I supposed to pay sometimes without offending him? How do I deal with my own independence issues.

You figure out a way to deal with your independence issues.

He might feel odd if you pay (the same way you feel odd about him always paying.)

When we were dating, I know money was tight with my DH, so we didn't go out. (I'm a homebody anyway. And we worked together and I didn't want people to find out about our relationship early on.) I would buy stuff and bring it over to make a special dinner. It was always unusual stuff that I know he wouldn't have in his home. Honestly, I also wanted to try out new recipes so this was a win win situation. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by making him feel like he was "poor."

By making him a meal, it was a positive for both of us.

I dated a girl that would always try to pay. It became a friendly competition between us on who was going to pay.

I guess I always had the opposite problem! 95% of the time we either went dutch or I paid.

Anonymous wrote:It's making me feel weird. I'm appreciative, but I don't want him to feel responsible for all the costs. Not sure if some of this is generational. He's 46. We've been dating for about 6 months.

How am I supposed to pay sometimes without offending him? How do I deal with my own independence issues.

Guy here: easiest was is to just tell him that *you* want to take him out for a special outing, on you. If he resists, he might have some weird hang up about it. Most guys would say fine, even if they like paying usually.

Anonymous wrote:Paying should not offend him one bit.

Just go out of your way to ensure you pay.

Talking about seeing a movie?...go online and get the tickets first.

Out to eat?...excuse yourself to the restroom, find the waiter, give him your card.

This is bad advice. Don't be sneaky about it, have a conversation. If you two can't have a conversation about this and come to an understanding that is respectful to both of your viewpoints, how can you expect the relationship to work out?

I had a situation like this. I sat down and had a conversation with the person about how I felt about it, and what I wanted to contribute. Once they understood my perspective, they were much more willing to let me pay for somethings.

Paying should not offend him one bit.

Just go out of your way to ensure you pay.

Talking about seeing a movie?...go online and get the tickets first.

Out to eat?...excuse yourself to the restroom, find the waiter, give him your card.

It's making me feel weird. I'm appreciative, but I don't want him to feel responsible for all the costs. Not sure if some of this is generational. He's 46. We've been dating for about 6 months.

How am I supposed to pay sometimes without offending him? How do I deal with my own independence issues.