Anonymous
Post 06/12/2014 15:58     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask your husband what he wants to do?


He said he just wants to be home with the 3 of us. In general, I am the one that pushes him to make plans with his parents. He has a good relationship with them but neither side makes plans to see each other - aside from Christmas and Easter and a few other random times throughout the year. It is very strange to me as I'm very close with my family. He is always eager to make plans with them - suggesting that we invite cousins over, take my mom to lunch, etc.


If this is what he wants, then do it! Don't make him spend time with people--even people he likes--on the day that he tells you he just wants it to be the 3 of you.

If you want to get together with your/his families, do it another day for no reason at all. It's ok not to involve local family in every "special" occasion.


I'm just worried that they'll blame me. In many families the wife initiates plans, plans parties and celebrations, etc.
Anonymous
Post 06/12/2014 12:11     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask your husband what he wants to do?


He said he just wants to be home with the 3 of us. In general, I am the one that pushes him to make plans with his parents. He has a good relationship with them but neither side makes plans to see each other - aside from Christmas and Easter and a few other random times throughout the year. It is very strange to me as I'm very close with my family. He is always eager to make plans with them - suggesting that we invite cousins over, take my mom to lunch, etc.


If this is what he wants, then do it! Don't make him spend time with people--even people he likes--on the day that he tells you he just wants it to be the 3 of you.

If you want to get together with your/his families, do it another day for no reason at all. It's ok not to involve local family in every "special" occasion.
Anonymous
Post 06/12/2014 11:17     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
You could invite him over for dinner. I make a special bfast for my DH and invite my dad and FIL over for dinner.
Anonymous
Post 06/12/2014 07:48     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wondering what people do if their parents and in laws aren't friends - celebrate three times? Split up for the parents?


When we lived near my parents and inlaws some years we'd do brunch with my family and BBQ with his or vice versa. Some years we'd stop by my parents' house for an hour or so (they lived closer) and just call his dad. It varied from year to year depending on everyone's plans. Neither my dad nor his is the type to get miffed if we don't have a full-on celebration for them. His mother, on the other hand...


Yes, speaking of MILs, my first mother's day, I wanted to celebrate with DH and DD. I was very annoyed with MIL at the time and did not want to spend the day with her and my own mom encouraged me to just spend time with DH and DD and enjoy the day. (We sent both moms flowers and cards). This year, my DH, DD and I went away for the weekend for Mother's Day and again sent flowers to both. My MIL sent me a text wishing me a happy mother's day and said to wish my mom the same when I saw her. We weren't even with my mom but I just thought it was so passive aggressive.

I want to honor our parents, but I don't want to spend the next 30 years having 3 separate celebrations (we likely would never do a combined celebration).


Honestly curious: how is sending a text wishing you and your mother a happy Mother's Day passive aggressive? I'm concerned I may be guilty of that.


Sorry - she said when you see her today - meaning she assumed we were choosing to spend time with my mom rather than her.
Anonymous
Post 06/12/2014 07:03     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wondering what people do if their parents and in laws aren't friends - celebrate three times? Split up for the parents?


When we lived near my parents and inlaws some years we'd do brunch with my family and BBQ with his or vice versa. Some years we'd stop by my parents' house for an hour or so (they lived closer) and just call his dad. It varied from year to year depending on everyone's plans. Neither my dad nor his is the type to get miffed if we don't have a full-on celebration for them. His mother, on the other hand...


Yes, speaking of MILs, my first mother's day, I wanted to celebrate with DH and DD. I was very annoyed with MIL at the time and did not want to spend the day with her and my own mom encouraged me to just spend time with DH and DD and enjoy the day. (We sent both moms flowers and cards). This year, my DH, DD and I went away for the weekend for Mother's Day and again sent flowers to both. My MIL sent me a text wishing me a happy mother's day and said to wish my mom the same when I saw her. We weren't even with my mom but I just thought it was so passive aggressive.

I want to honor our parents, but I don't want to spend the next 30 years having 3 separate celebrations (we likely would never do a combined celebration).


Honestly curious: how is sending a text wishing you and your mother a happy Mother's Day passive aggressive? I'm concerned I may be guilty of that.
Anonymous
Post 06/12/2014 06:46     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Follow your DH's lead here.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 23:00     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask your husband what he wants to do?


He said he just wants to be home with the 3 of us. In general, I am the one that pushes him to make plans with his parents. He has a good relationship with them but neither side makes plans to see each other - aside from Christmas and Easter and a few other random times throughout the year. It is very strange to me as I'm very close with my family. He is always eager to make plans with them - suggesting that we invite cousins over, take my mom to lunch, etc.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 22:58     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask your husband what he wants to do?

+1
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 22:55     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Why don't you ask your husband what he wants to do?
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 22:40     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wondering what people do if their parents and in laws aren't friends - celebrate three times? Split up for the parents?


When we lived near my parents and inlaws some years we'd do brunch with my family and BBQ with his or vice versa. Some years we'd stop by my parents' house for an hour or so (they lived closer) and just call his dad. It varied from year to year depending on everyone's plans. Neither my dad nor his is the type to get miffed if we don't have a full-on celebration for them. His mother, on the other hand...


Yes, speaking of MILs, my first mother's day, I wanted to celebrate with DH and DD. I was very annoyed with MIL at the time and did not want to spend the day with her and my own mom encouraged me to just spend time with DH and DD and enjoy the day. (We sent both moms flowers and cards). This year, my DH, DD and I went away for the weekend for Mother's Day and again sent flowers to both. My MIL sent me a text wishing me a happy mother's day and said to wish my mom the same when I saw her. We weren't even with my mom but I just thought it was so passive aggressive.

I want to honor our parents, but I don't want to spend the next 30 years having 3 separate celebrations (we likely would never do a combined celebration).
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 22:30     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Anonymous wrote:Wondering what people do if their parents and in laws aren't friends - celebrate three times? Split up for the parents?


When we lived near my parents and inlaws some years we'd do brunch with my family and BBQ with his or vice versa. Some years we'd stop by my parents' house for an hour or so (they lived closer) and just call his dad. It varied from year to year depending on everyone's plans. Neither my dad nor his is the type to get miffed if we don't have a full-on celebration for them. His mother, on the other hand...
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 22:13     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Anonymous wrote:Wondering what people do if their parents and in laws aren't friends - celebrate three times? Split up for the parents?


Morning with DH. Afternoon with FIL. Saturday afternoon (or another available day) with your dad. (or mix and match).
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 22:08     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Wondering what people do if their parents and in laws aren't friends - celebrate three times? Split up for the parents?
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 22:07     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
I think the norm is to spend part of the day with your (or your DH's) father. After all, he's your husband's father, and it is father's day. We usually do something with DH in the morning. Later we get together with our parents and siblings for a bigger BBQ or something (luckily, our parents are friends with each other so we have one big party/picnic/bbq). It seems a little cold if you were to suddenly decide FIL isn't worthy of being celebrated on Father's Day.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2014 21:56     Subject: Father's Day with FIL if local?
Do you spend father's day with your dad and/or father in law in addition to your husband? Or once you have kids, do you focus on celebrating DH? My father died when I was young. DH's parents live about 20 minutes away, though we see them once every month or two. Should I plan something with just my DH and DD? Should I reach out to in laws to plan something all together? My preference is to do something just with DH and send father in law a card (and DH can call him that day). What is the norm?