Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I regularly babysat for my brother's kids, I was paid back in love, and home cooked meals. A great deal for me.

Honest question -- what does it mean to get "paid back in love?" What does this look like?

Feeling appreciated and loved. Knowing they would help you if needed. Having a close bond with nieces and nephews.


My family helps me a lot. My mother would be extremely offended if I offered money in exchange for keeping DC, just as I would be if she paid me to run errands for her. It's a joy to help my parents and grandparents. My aunt was very hands on as well in raising me and we're also very close today.

My single, child-free sister helps us regularly with babysitting- not daycare, but episodic babysitting. Actually, she usually offers to sit at least once on the weekend (we're lucky!).

We don't pay her, but she often is with us anyway even when she's not sitting, so we pay for meals when we go to dinner or just include her for dinner/lunch/breakfast at home. Or, we'll do a BJ's run and she'll put in an order and we just pay for it (never a large amt).

I think my sister would say that even more rewarding than any kind of money is the relationship she's built with my kids. In fact, she once told me that she loved them so much, she wasn't sure she could love her own (hypothetical) children as much.

Not wanting money for babysitting is one thing.
When they provide day care, they should get something. Unless they are really comfortable financially. Otherwise they are giving up earning power, retirement savings, etc.

My family watches my kid regularly (once a month or so). I also have some good friends in the area and some cousins too. There is some give and take, but not a lot since they don't need much right now. We dog-sit/house-sit on occasion, or stop by the grocery store to pick up missing ingredients if we're going over for dinner, etc. With my friends, I'll bring a bottle of wine or pay for dinner the next time we go out as a thank you.

I'm the only one with a kid and my parents are young (in their early 50s). As we all get older and my friends and younger siblings start having kids, I expect there to be a lot more giving on my end.

We're also the kind of family/friends that buy each other random presents, just because we saw something that we thought someone would enjoy. We enjoy helping each other out and know that over the long term, it'll be roughly even.

And they would be horrified if I offered to pay them for babysitting.

My mother and I have a relationship where we both do things for the other. How much each is doing for the other varies according to life stage. When my son was small she babysit when I needed her to, which wasn't that often but was a huge help. As she's gotten older she's had multiple health issues and I've brought her food, and spent the night when she's gotten out of the hospital, or done other things that she needed. My son, the same one she babysat, is now a teen and he'll go over there and help her figure out something on her computer or change her lightbulbs or bring her a Christmas tree of whatever, as well.

If you leave off my childhood, I think we'll come out about even, although I'm not keeping score. The important thing is that both of us know that we have someone if we need it.

Sort of interesting to see so few replies to this. It's kind of telling.

Anonymous wrote:When I regularly babysat for my brother's kids, I was paid back in love, and home cooked meals. A great deal for me.

Honest question -- what does it mean to get "paid back in love?" What does this look like?

Anonymous wrote:When I regularly babysat for my brother's kids, I was paid back in love, and home cooked meals. A great deal for me.

Exactly. It is a great deal if you haven't already raised your children. If you are overworked, underpaid MIL, not so much!

Anonymous wrote:When I regularly babysat for my brother's kids, I was paid back in love, and home cooked meals. A great deal for me.

You sound so normal and healthy. What are you doing here, if I may ask?

When I regularly babysat for my brother's kids, I was paid back in love, and home cooked meals. A great deal for me.

This question is funny to me. SIL had a job that DH gave her, complete with inflated title and inflated salary. SIL always wanted more, more, more. MIL watched SIL's children while SIL "working" for DH. SIL would buy MIL big gifts at Christmas to "make up for" wearing MIL out.

Consequently, MIL never sees any of her younger grandchildren.

I guess the big holiday gifts are one idea, OP. Unless you are SIL, in which case, find your own job. That would be the biggest gift of all.

Aside from my teenager god daughter, my family would feel deeply offended if I offered any kind of remuneration for them to watch my child. They don't, but I know how those things work.

However, if I needed them to watch my child I would try to pay in kind - a gift card here and there to a spa, a bottle of wine, diner out, etc.

Kind of? When we go to visit the grandparents I usually have to work at that local office, and the grandparents will watch the babies. I generally come home with either a gift card to the spa they use or flowers or the coffee they like, etc. We always take them out to dinner at least once, or make dinner for them.

They would be OUTRAGEOUSLY offended if I tried to give them money.

If my mom had ever watched my kid, I would have paid her like a regular sitter/day care provider. Maybe not the same rate, because she wouldn't "need" or want to take it. But I would anyway. Because it's a hell of a lot of work and responsibility. Paying at 80-90% market rate would be beneficial to both of us.

I have friends whose mom watched their two kids all week. They make Sunday night dinner for them.

Curious about this. If you have family members that help you out regularly, do you return help (in some form) to them? Do you pay them? Is there some give/take (not necessarily 50/50 but even 80/20 or something)?