My cousin got pregnant the first night she slept with her now husband. He was only meant to be a one night stand, not a husband. She married him at five months pregnant in a quick Las Vegas ceremony pressured by her parents. She and her husband don't even live in the same state. She looks and talks often about being with another man.

I encourage her to get a divorce before she cheats on him. She only married him because she got pregnant.

I have to agree that if you don't want people to say anything then you shouldn't share. I had a friend who felt that I was the worst person on Earth for telling her to leave after she found out her husband had a 3-year affair with a coworker. She cut me off for "not being positive" and said that if the tables were turned she would never tell me to end my marriage.

We didn't speak for two years. I finally broke the silence, and learned that not only were they still together, they'd had another baby. We patched things up and were the best of friends again. Three months later, he left her. I never said "I told you so" but I was thinking it. Now she has two kids--one in diapers--and is going through a divorce.

Your friends know you better than strangers do. Maybe they see something you can't see because of all the emotions you're going through.

Well to be objective here, if you are opening up and telling others about your personal marital issues, then you are going to get feedback in return. Especially if you tell them horrible things your spouse is doing to you or if he is treating you bad. It is only normal and natural for others to feel empathy for you + want the best for you.

And if they feel you are wasting your life away w/someone who is only dragging you down each day, then they may suggest you divorce your spouse.

If you do not want others getting into your personal business, my best advice would be to simply keep your mouth zipped about your marriage and no one will care.

Don't assume people who are divorced are miserable. When I divorced, I switched workplaces. Same employer but different location. A year later, I ran into some former co-workers and they were absolutely stunned at the physical and emotional transformation I had undergone. I got my happy back when I divorced. I shed 70+ lbs and my hair stopped falling out. I saw a dentist and had some long term dental issues treated. None of this was from a desire to date. It was because I was free!

I only advocate divorce when the situation is pretty intolerable and unfixable. I am absolutely hard-line on abuse, for example. Infidelity - I'm supportive if the spouse tries to make it work, but if it's chronic infidelity and the spouse is leaning toward divorce, I come down on the side of divorce. Same with serious betrayals like bankrupting the family and lying about it, etc.

But I think people in general should think very hard about making marriage vows and keep them, whenever possible.

if everyone things you should divorce, either your situation is really bad, you make your situation sound really bad or you have friends with very cavalier ideas about divorce. You probably know which is the case.

Anonymous wrote:Personally I am not for or against divorce but object to those who claim/believe that it is always better to stay together for he kids.

I grew up in one of those households and it wasn't better.

which does not mean divorce is always better either. every situation is unique?

why are some people opposed to divorce no matter what no matter what?

At least on here, very few, if any people have that philosophy. This isn't 1955.

Personally I am not for or against divorce but object to those who claim/believe that it is always better to stay together for he kids.

I grew up in one of those households and it wasn't better.

which does not mean divorce is always better either. every situation is unique?

why are some people opposed to divorce no matter what no matter what?

Why do you think people keep telling you to divorce? Are you talking negatively about your DH or is it that obvious?

In my case, I was afraid for a friend's physical safety and her mental health. I had run out of ideas for how to support her within her marriage. I believed things were escalating toward an inevitable tragic end. I felt a moral responsibility to urge her to leave. I don't regret that.

Anonymous wrote:What 19:58 said.

You are miserable, and you're driving your friends crazy complaining about a situation that has a perfectly obvious answer: get a divorce.

This +100000000. I'd bet money on it.

What 19:5 said.

You are miserable, and you're driving your friends crazy complaining about a situation that has a perfectly obvious answer: get a divorce.

Take everything you read here with a grain of salt.

Well I suppose it depends on the situation. My friend doesn't realize how mean, cruel, and abusive her husband is. Plus the fact that she has suspected cheating multiple times. Every time she tells me about another thing he's said to her or another thing he's done ( he's emotionally abusive) I try to tell her to get divorced before she gets pregnant. I honestly don't think she realizes how awful he is. Perhaps that is the same situation with your friend. If he found out that I was encouraging her to get a divorce and was pissed at me, I wouldn't care. The guy is an asshole and my friend deserves so much better

There are a lot of pot-stirrers out there. I know a few.

Also, misery loves company.

And when the other spouse finds out, why shouldn't they be upset with the trouble maker?
And why is it that just because a marriage does not look like yours, do some think it to be a bad marriage?
Just saying', getting tired of people deciding whether I need to get a divorce.