Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ The easiest thing to do would be to rent a house big enough to accommodate 10 people on Nantucket or where ever. But like I said, that's probably out of our budget. I don't want to be spending 10k+ on a beach vacation, kwim?

Can the extended family contribute to the Nantucket/MV rental or is that not in their budget? They have been getting a free vacation for all these years . Or can you say that you are now going to do the OBX trip every other year and do a nuclear family trip in the off years? So this year it's OBX and then next year your family goes somewhere new. Then the following year extended family regroups in OBX. Would that make DH happy?

I think these are great ideas. Sounds like your first preference would be possibly alternating years. other option is "hey family, we're ready for a change of scenery. We've found a small house that would fit the four of us, but would anyone like to go-in on renting a larger house in Nantucket next July instead."

Why is a beach vacation your only option? If you said, "Now that the kids are older, we're taking them to Europe," I doubt your in-laws would expect you to pay for them to have a free trip.

OP, we are in the same situation. We actually can not take the OBX another year! The big houses are not enough to make me want to return. I know many friends who feel the same.

We go to the Cape, which is the same driving distance, IRL. Every part of the Cape is truly different, the towns, the beaches, the activities - it is so nice and refreshing to have many more options! OBX is too boring and kind of dumpy for us.

Are you going to OBX this year, for the last time? If so, this is the perfect opportunity to announce that this will be your last year at OBX, you are exploring greener pastures. If they want to rent a house in the same neighborhood, they are welcome to it. Tell them you will keep them informed when the time comes, so that they will have the option.

I would bet they are the type to prefer OBX, and that they will be resistant to change, which is in your favor.

Anonymous wrote:Or can you say that you are now going to do the OBX trip every other year and do a nuclear family trip in the off years? So this year it's OBX and then next year your family goes somewhere new. Then the following year extended family regroups in OBX. Would that make DH happy?

+1

I was going to type this before I saw someone already had -- this seems like an easy compromise.

Anonymous wrote:^ The easiest thing to do would be to rent a house big enough to accommodate 10 people on Nantucket or where ever. But like I said, that's probably out of our budget. I don't want to be spending 10k+ on a beach vacation, kwim?

Can the extended family contribute to the Nantucket/MV rental or is that not in their budget? They have been getting a free vacation for all these years . Or can you say that you are now going to do the OBX trip every other year and do a nuclear family trip in the off years? So this year it's OBX and then next year your family goes somewhere new. Then the following year extended family regroups in OBX. Would that make DH happy?

What if you did something like Deep Creek Lake with the extended family and then did another Nantucket trip on your own?

^ The easiest thing to do would be to rent a house big enough to accommodate 10 people on Nantucket or where ever. But like I said, that's probably out of our budget. I don't want to be spending 10k+ on a beach vacation, kwim?

It is also completely reasonable for you to want to vacation with only your nuclear family.

Both. I'd like to stop these extended family vacations but don't' know how since DH loves them. Both because I want to try somewhere new (this is mostly it) and because I don't particularly want to vacation with his family anymore. We do take trips to other places on our own. This is our only extended family vacation if it matters. I just don't want to go to the OBX every year for the rest of my life.

Are you asking what to do if you don't want to go to OBX but your husband does, or what to do if you and your husband don't want to go to OBX but his family does?

If it's the former, I think it depends on things like whether this is your only vacation time, and how often you see both sides of the family.

I do think it's reasonable to want to split vacation time between your immediate family and your extended family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're paying I think you totally have the right to say you will not be doing it anymore. You could then say what your new plans are. Explain that you cannot afford a large house but they are welcome to rent one at the same time as you.

+1. I don't know why it would be putting your foot down. That sounds a bit dramatic.

I also found that interesting. Have you two been arguing about it? If so, there should be some compromise, one year here, one year there type of deal.

Oh yeah I forgot that part, sorry! DH is perfectly fine with the OBX and uses our paying for his family to come as part of his excuse about why he doesn't want to try somewhere new. It's just annoying to me to be forced to go to the same place every year because we have to pay for everyone else to come too. (I know that sounds bratty but it's not inexpensive - it's probably about 6k for the rental).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're paying I think you totally have the right to say you will not be doing it anymore. You could then say what your new plans are. Explain that you cannot afford a large house but they are welcome to rent one at the same time as you.

+1. I don't know why it would be putting your foot down. That sounds a bit dramatic.

I also found that interesting. Have you two been arguing about it? If so, there should be some compromise, one year here, one year there type of deal.

Anonymous wrote:If you're paying I think you totally have the right to say you will not be doing it anymore. You could then say what your new plans are. Explain that you cannot afford a large house but they are welcome to rent one at the same time as you.

+1. I don't know why it would be putting your foot down. That sounds a bit dramatic.

If you're paying I think you totally have the right to say you will not be doing it anymore. You could then say what your new plans are. Explain that you cannot afford a large house but they are welcome to rent one at the same time as you.

My husband and I have been renting a house in the OBX every year for a week and we invite his family to join us because the houses are so big and there is so much room. We pay for the rental. To be honest, I am getting sick of the OBX and would like to try different beach locations. I am particularly interested in renting a house on Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard, etc. next year. The problem is, we've been doing the OBX thing for so many years that I think it's come to be expected in DH's family. If you're familiar with the area, the OBX are a little unique in that the houses are typically so big and have so many spare bedrooms, etc. To rent a comparable house on Nantucket would be way out of our price range, I am sure. But we could easily afford to rent one to house our immediate family (DH and I plus three kids). Anyway, how would you handle this? Would you just put your foot down to DH and say this is our last year in OBX, I want to try something new next year? Would we have to rent a house big enough to invite DH's family along?