My come back would be..."really? I consider you a not-so-honorary family member..just someone I have to put up with". I know, stirs the pot too much, but that would be the first thing that would come out of my mouth.

Start out by calling her on it. Give her a chance to own her screw up and make amends.

Educate your sister in law and BIL. If they continue to act that way, say things like that, I would hesitate to spend time with them. I agree you need to find words to tell your SIL and anyone else that she is family so your child learns to defend herself. But being around that kind of stuff all the time is going to take away self confidence of your child.

If SIL and BIL come around then ask for an apology for yourself and your family.

Shun that bitch.

I would say that in 99.9% of the posts people make on here, I think people are generally overreacting. And I would cut her if I were you. And cut her out of our lives. I don't think I would give her a second chance. It takes a lot to get me angry, and I am outraged on your behalf.

OP this will not be the only time that someone makes a rude or ignorant comment about your child, in front of your child. She will get older and hear and understand. You need to find a way to calmly and confidently tell people off so your DD learns how to defend herself and learns that her mom sticks up for her.

I don't know if keeping your DD away from your SIL is the way to go. Unfortunately, I think this isn't going to be the first time someone says something along the lines she did. Assuming you're open with your kids about their adoption, I would make your SIL an example of what you will not allow and demonstrate that your DD as much family as any other person. What a bitch.

Horrible! I'd talk to brother first and see wtf is up with the wife. Perhaps he can talk to her about what the hell she was thinking when making such cruel and obnoxious comments. And put a stop to it.

I'd want an apology (and one for my kids -- depending on age). And should something like that ever happen with her again, a swift, on-the-spot dressing down is in order followed by not allowing her to be around your kids. Oh, that means not around you, either? Real shame.

What a bitch.

Yes, you should keep your DD away from the racist SIL/aunt. She doesn't need that crap in her head. (My older DD now a young adult has never forgotten the anti-Catholic "jokes" that her uncle by marriage made at a barbecue when she was about 10.)

Anonymous wrote:Your husband said nothing?!?!?! Wtf

My husband said "Honey, go to the other room with (child's name) and calm down. I will deal with them for the rest of the night and we can talk about it later."

OMFG!!!! I've never said that online before -- but that is staggering.

I have one adopted child and one biological child. My bio child's father told him my other DC was not his "real" sibling. I said, Yes he is. Period.

You need to talk to her and your brother. Educate them. Or don't ever spend time with them.

Normally I am wary of people's rants against their SILs, but this is one of those times when you are not over-reacting. Your husband needs to have a chat with his backwards sister.

I'd beat that bitch with a bottle. Jk (sorta) but I would tell her off in front of people to embarrass her and kick her out of my house immediately. But I have a zero bullshit policy

Your husband said nothing?!?!?! Wtf

I have two adopted children. We are white, as is my eldest. Our younger child, who is two, is of a different race. Thus, she doesn't resemble me or my husband in any visible manner. My SIL, who I have never liked for various reasons, was in town with my brother for Memorial Day weekend. She referred to our youngest as an "honorary family member." I was extremely angry, but made myself shut up for the sake of family peace on the holiday weekend. I am still livid and I don't want her to be around me or my daughter until she has reformed. The issue is July 4th, which we always look forward to spending with my brother, his wife, and my parents. I don't want to go. Am I overreacting? WWYD in this situation?