OP,

Where is your husband in all this?

I think you're ticked that half her estate isn't going to your husband.

You're being ridiculous.

We set up our kids 529s and our parents give us checks. We put them in our checking account and then do an automatic withdrawal into our 529. Then we take the DC tax deduction.

Tell your MIL thanks but no thanks. Those kinds of strings are not worth it.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She is not trying to do something nice for my child. She is a narcissist and point blank says she is doing this so her grandchildren remember her. She says she is leaving her money in her will to be divided among her 5 grandchildren (4 of whom are the offspring of her daughter, and 1 - mine- who is the offspring of her son) - so nothing to her 2 children and not equal - for the same reason, that she wants her grandchildren to remember her. More importantly EVERY nickel she gives comes with strings and strings and more strings attached - DH and I do not accept money from her for this reason. I know none of this sounds awful, but I could write a lengthy post on her and all of the drama and problems that she causes, including serious ones that are illegal hence why I don't want her to have my child's SS.

that's good reason to stop and think, unless the illegal stuff is bad parking or illegal video-downloads
As for not leaving money to kids, there are benefits to skipping a generation as far as taxes go, I think

My mom set up a 529 for my DD through Vanguard and was required to give an SSN. I too had to give an SSN for the 529 I set up for DD. I do think that the SSN is required.

I get that your MIL is controlling / narcisstic, OP. But I'm not sure what you're concened abour re: SSN. Do you suspect she'll do something fraudulent with it? Otherwise, I think you're sort of stooping to her level by not giving her the SSN.

Just tell her she can set up the plan, and you will provide her employer with the SSN directly.

Money always has strings, in every family. I think you need to see that her relationship with your child is different than her relationship with you. In the end, what ultimately will be the WORST that can come of the whole situation? I am curious? Will she use it to emotionally blackmail or control your child? (I cannot imagine this would ever work with children btw.) It is a 529 Plan not a savings account. It cannot be used for just anything, which would have limited appeal for a kid. I think sometimes adult children need to step back from the crazy parent and assess what is YOUR relationship and what is your child's relationship with the grandparent. I believe that the parent-child relationship is different than the grandparent-child relationship. It is hard to accept though.

VA 529 requires the SSN if the beneficiary is 1 y.o. or older. The SSN is not required for babies under 1 y.o.

Her motives aside, her question has merit. The way my parents do it is they own the 529 (so tehy get the tax benefiit) and DD is the beneficiary. This requires DD's SSN. Then, we have our own 529 for DD, and we get the tax deduction for that.

The nice thing about this is each person who donates can donate up to the limit, and then take the tax benefit, and DD benefits in all cases.

As to PP who said you can do it without an SSN, that may be the case but I'd say most 529 plans would be careful about this. It makes it too easy to commit tax fraud if the beneficiary isn't listed (and SSN is pretty much how they do it).

Indeed you may be able to talk with her plan administrator directly to create the plan, and then have MIL fund it once the plan is opened in MIL's name with DD as beneficiary.

Op here. She is not trying to do something nice for my child. She is a narcissist and point blank says she is doing this so her grandchildren remember her. She says she is leaving her money in her will to be divided among her 5 grandchildren (4 of whom are the offspring of her daughter, and 1 - mine- who is the offspring of her son) - so nothing to her 2 children and not equal - for the same reason, that she wants her grandchildren to remember her. More importantly EVERY nickel she gives comes with strings and strings and more strings attached - DH and I do not accept money from her for this reason. I know none of this sounds awful, but I could write a lengthy post on her and all of the drama and problems that she causes, including serious ones that are illegal hence why I don't want her to have my child's SS.

Just give her the ssn. What do you think she's going to do with it? Sell it on the id black market?

She's trying to do something nice for your child and you are slapping her in the face.

Anonymous wrote:No. Not if your child is the beneficiary.

I don't know what the issues are, but I would not think twice about giving my mom or my step mom my kid's SSN. She may have a point.

I think she can. I didn't have my act together in the early months after DD was born. When I had the energy to set up the 529, I didn't have the SSN on hand. I set up the account, set up monthly deposits, and (to be honest), I still haven't gotten the SSN on record, because they said I had to mail it in. I was told that I only need the SSN when I want to use the money.

That said, what do you think she will do with the SSN? She seems caring enough to help save for college.

Can you talk to the plan and provide it directly? The other point though - if she is donating $ for college - and not going to freak and give it to another beneficiary - I would jsut say thank you

No. Not if your child is the beneficiary.

I don't know what the issues are, but I would not think twice about giving my mom or my step mom my kid's SSN. She may have a point.

MIL wants to set up a 529 account for my child and has asked me for child's social security number. I don't want to give it to her (for security reasons) and asked her just to donate to child's existing 529 which we his parents opened. MIL has a lot of issues and is very controlling. MIL responded that she wants to open a 529 account through her employer (the state government) because then she can donate to it pre-tax. I really don't want to give her my child's social security number, but she thinks I am being ridiculous. Is there any way she can do this without my child's SS no.?