Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, wills are probated and are public. So if anyone has opened an estate for her, you can go look at the files.

Not OP but how? My grandpa died several years ago and I know he left me money. I haven't ever seen any though and I've been curious.

Yes how?

I am curious too.

Anonymous wrote:Well, wills are probated and are public. So if anyone has opened an estate for her, you can go look at the files.

Not OP but how? My grandpa died several years ago and I know he left me money. I haven't ever seen any though and I've been curious.

Well, wills are probated and are public. So if anyone has opened an estate for her, you can go look at the files.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she wanted that old address to have paperwork sent there knowing that you wouldn't get it.
I think that how you proceed depends on how you want your relationship with your mom to proceed. If you bring it up, you are basically accusing her of lying and stealing.

OP here. This is what I'm now wondering as she was so aggressive about using the old address. The situation is so damn dicey. It's an uncomfortable topic to bring up but with my mother's classic "I know better than everyone else" attitude I wouldn't be surprised if she is withholding it or somehow convinced my grandmother to redo her will before she died. If she did get her to redo it, then so be it, I don't have a leg to stand on and that's life.

Otherwise, I don't even actually "need" the money-- DH and I are fine but if it is a good amount it would be nice to have in terms of having funds for things like a good preschool for DC or to invest for college. At the crux of it all if I were a grandmother and my son or daughter refused to give a grandchild (who was a decent, law-abiding human being) say, $10K I had left him or her because they have a personal issue with GC that I have nothing to do with, I'd probably be spinning in my grave. My mother and grandmother were close but my grandmother in no way saw her daughter as the most perfect human being (based on things she said and arguments I witnessed).

Anonymous wrote:My dad died about 10 years ago and I never even looked at the will. I've sometimes wondered what it said, but he was clear beforehand that it was a legal tool, not an emotional one, and I trust my mom.

Your situation is completely different from that of the OP. I'm sorry for your loss.

Oh Lord, sounds like my mother's family.

OP, you have 2 options:

1. Decide you want to investigate this matter and consult with an attorney. It will be very difficult if the will can't be found, and after 2 years, your mother has had plenty of time to destroy or hide any letters of intent, sell whatever it is your grandmother wanted to have, etc.
I hate to bring this up, but are you reasonably certain your grandmother did make your inheritance official in a will-like document? Some people like to play around.
Smoother sailing if the will IS there, since then it is only a matter of threatening to sue, or actually doing so if the inheritance is large enough. Don't worry about alienating your mother, she's not worth tip-toeing around.

2. Decide it's not worth the hassle, and do your best to forget about it (easier if the inheritance was not going to be large anyway). I would still distance yourself from your mother. She sounds unbearably controlling and abusive.

And make you own way, without any expectations from your parents - all they want is for you to kow-tow for money.

Do you know whether your mother was the executor of your grandmother's estate, or if your grandmother had dealt with a lawyer regarding her will?

Wait, doesn't the executor of the will have to read it or file it or something public?

Wow I thought everyone had access to a will if they were mentioned in it.

My dad died about 10 years ago and I never even looked at the will. I've sometimes wondered what it said, but he was clear beforehand that it was a legal tool, not an emotional one, and I trust my mom.

Maybe she wanted that old address to have paperwork sent there knowing that you wouldn't get it.
I think that how you proceed depends on how you want your relationship with your mom to proceed. If you bring it up, you are basically accusing her of lying and stealing.

Just let it go. You can make your own way in the world, I trust.

Anonymous wrote:Do you know if there was a trust? Maybe you can go/call the courthouse where she lived/died and see if the will has been filed? They are public documents. It could just say: refer to trust though. If your mom is withholding an inheritance from you, it's a breech of fiduciary duty. Not sure how you could bring it up without bad blood though.
I'm sorry about your grandmother.

OP here. Thank you. I don't know anything about a trust. I do recall that shortly after my grandmother died my mom called me asking for an old address I used to use for an apartment I own but moved out of after getting married. When I told her not to use that address she got nasty with me. She knows it would take a lot for me to bring up this issue so I could see her playing around with documents to ensure she controls all money. Growing up, I used to hear her make comments about which cousin inherited what from great aunt so and so, who is kissing up to another aunt for their money, etc.

Do you know if there was a trust? Maybe you can go/call the courthouse where she lived/died and see if the will has been filed? They are public documents. It could just say: refer to trust though. If your mom is withholding an inheritance from you, it's a breech of fiduciary duty. Not sure how you could bring it up without bad blood though.
I'm sorry about your grandmother.

Here's the story: my grandmother died two years ago. In the years before her death she’d allude to leaving her grandchildren—myself and my brother—inheritances. In fact, the Christmas before she died, she told me that I would be receiving something one day and she “wishes she could see my expression when I received it.” I always had a very good relationship with her. Based on these things, I had always been under the impression that we were named in her will and that any money wouldn’t be placed in a trust the way it would be for a child as we’re over 30 at this point and living responsible lives. Any money I would get would be spent on something needed-- a house, great-grandchild's education, retirement, etc.

At this point, it’s been a while since my grandmother died, and I’ve heard nothing about her will, which I know she had. My mother and I have not always had a great relationship— she’s very religious and I’m not and she’s made comments that basically amount to holding money over my head in light of the fact that I don’t “share her values.” My parents are very well off so I know they don’t need my grandmother’s money. I don’t know how to tactfully bring this up and find out what’s really going on here. I wouldn’t put it past my mother to play games and hold onto money and decide on her own as executor that I don’t deserve it. She’s done that with jewelry I was given by older relatives over the years (a great aunt gave me a necklace when I graduated from college and my mother intercepted it, pretty much took it for herself and said I can have it when she deems me ready for it as if my great aunt couldn’t decide it on her own). If she wants to give any inheritance to my kids, but I can do that as well as my grandmother had a relationship with me, not my kids. I’m assuming you can look up a will at the county courthouse? Any ideas on how to proceed or should I leave it alone? I know getting a copy of the will would create really bad blood.