Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 15:01     Subject: Re:so many people expecting
Anonymous wrote:Stay away from Facebook and as hard as it is, channel your energy into a different "passion". You know deep down your feelings aren't rational (pregnant people have always been around - you just didn't notice and care before). By fixating on the infertility, you are allowing this to take over and literally consume your life. You know it isn't right or healthy and it is a very hard habit to break. it took me years to finally reach a point where i am comfortable and happy with my situation. I have replaced the need for children with new friends that don't have children (most by choice) and I now have new goals to think about such as our big sailing trip on the caribbean and skiing in Italy. I have retrained my mind to look at babies and kids the way I looked at them when i was a teenager and in my 20's - complete disinterest and annoyance. yes, they can be cute, but with this new way of thinking, when i am around them, I am actually thrilled to not have to take them home. And, having friends with older kids has been a huge reality reminder. Once a baby grows up, it is a huge set of issues and every one of my friends and family with older kids are at their wits end with stress dealing with: bullying (horrific stories), depression, bad influences, unmotivation, unable to find jobs, and in one case, a child (in their late 20s) who is going thru a horrible divorce. I get that kid can bring joy, but I am coming to terms that it would have been very stressful for me to raise them in today;s world. You would replace one fixation with another and would never be at peace with yourself.

I don't want to dissuade you from trying - but please try and not let it rule and destroy your life.


So true.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 14:37     Subject: so many people expecting
^^ I forgot to mention--- also don't post male factor issues on FB! ^^
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 14:35     Subject: so many people expecting
Seeing those Facebook posts makes/made me feel very isolated. I try and remember that I am not. It's just that people don't post negative pregnancy tests or miscarriages or failed adoptions or scary labor and delivery stories on Facebook. I'm still surprised by the number of people I know who had issues with getting, staying, and/or being pregnant, or with delivery. Or got pregnant when they did not want to be. Or are unable to find a partner. Or went through divorces with first spouses before they found a great person to have a family and life with. I know more people with these issues than the ones that had no problems in making their families. We just don't talk about it, which is too bad, as it makes everyone feel worse, and isolated.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 14:28     Subject: Re:so many people expecting
Stay away from Facebook and as hard as it is, channel your energy into a different "passion". You know deep down your feelings aren't rational (pregnant people have always been around - you just didn't notice and care before). By fixating on the infertility, you are allowing this to take over and literally consume your life. You know it isn't right or healthy and it is a very hard habit to break. it took me years to finally reach a point where i am comfortable and happy with my situation. I have replaced the need for children with new friends that don't have children (most by choice) and I now have new goals to think about such as our big sailing trip on the caribbean and skiing in Italy. I have retrained my mind to look at babies and kids the way I looked at them when i was a teenager and in my 20's - complete disinterest and annoyance. yes, they can be cute, but with this new way of thinking, when i am around them, I am actually thrilled to not have to take them home. And, having friends with older kids has been a huge reality reminder. Once a baby grows up, it is a huge set of issues and every one of my friends and family with older kids are at their wits end with stress dealing with: bullying (horrific stories), depression, bad influences, unmotivation, unable to find jobs, and in one case, a child (in their late 20s) who is going thru a horrible divorce. I get that kid can bring joy, but I am coming to terms that it would have been very stressful for me to raise them in today;s world. You would replace one fixation with another and would never be at peace with yourself.

I don't want to dissuade you from trying - but please try and not let it rule and destroy your life.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 14:17     Subject: so many people expecting
I just want to add that I feel your pain. My manipulative, abusive, awful excuse for a sister told me she was pregnant when I had been trying for three years. Gutted me, and I was depressed for months. I just felt numb and sick.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 14:09     Subject: so many people expecting
+1000 for staying away from Facebook. For so many reasons. I deactivated my account and have never been happier.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 13:28     Subject: so many people expecting
+1 for Facebook hiatus. It really helps.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 13:27     Subject: Re:so many people expecting
OP here. So much of this board is so snarky, but I appreciate the support in this thread.

Sorry you all are/have experienced this particular issue as well, but it helps to know I'm not alone in this.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 13:19     Subject: so many people expecting
I have been off facebook for 6 months. It's a beautiful thing - I highly recommend it.

I find myself looking direclty at women's mid-sections everywhere I go. Metro, work, grocery store, etc. I am constantly scanning rooms at stomach-level. My heart sinks a little every time I see a pregnancy, which is often. It's such a single-track mind. I hate it.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 12:56     Subject: so many people expecting
Not pregnant or even trying. But I did go through a bout of infertility. My advice is to stay away from Target. Any Target I ever go to is swarming with pregnant women.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 12:53     Subject: so many people expecting
Ugh, yes. Every single woman I pass on the street these days is pregnant.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 12:50     Subject: so many people expecting
I don't mind facebook announcements. I dread the ones given while meeting face to face. It's not jealousy, it's more of "why only me?".
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 12:45     Subject: so many people expecting
I'm with you on the facebook announcements OP. They are the worst. But I always tell myself that these people likely don't know what it feels like for others to see these posts, and that it was not meant to be mean-spirited.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 09:59     Subject: so many people expecting
I understand completely. This morning on my walk to work I deliberately slowed down and crossed the street in order to avoid a colleague I hadn't seen in awhile who is now clearly expecting. I hate the feeligs of jealousy and selfishness that this brings out in me - I have a hard time being happy for others b/c I can only think of myself and how much I want to be in their shoes. It's an awful feeling.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2014 09:33     Subject: so many people expecting
I'm just complaining, and it's not as if I'm not happy for friends and family who are expecting their second, or third, or fourth kid, but two friends announced they were expecting via facebook yesterday. It is getting hard to take.