Anonymous
05/28/2014 08:17
Subject: Re:Dealing with a mentally ill family member
^^ I meant 7:46
Anonymous
05/28/2014 08:17
Subject: Re:Dealing with a mentally ill family member
OP What state are you in? Most people in this situation look into group homes for persons with mental illness. The stress of taking care of your now grown up brother is very, very hard on your family, particularly your parents. My sister works in this field -- there is still so much you can learn here. The above ^^ (getting involved with the day to day of a seriously bipolar individuals) is too much over time. In a group setting meds are taken or else, and the person learns that. Also, being mentally ill does not mean that the person is not able to be manipulative, childish and a drive you crazy brat. Again, over time, that takes a tremendous toll on the family. GL. (I know several such families)
Anonymous
05/28/2014 08:16
Subject: Re:Dealing with a mentally ill family member
Anonymous wrote:I have family members with bipolar. This is what I have learned. I don't take responsibility for their happiness or well-being. I am not responsible for making sure they have the car they want or that they are 100% fulfilled or not frustrated or angry. I am not responsible for making sure they stay employed. I am not responsible for making sure that they stay in school. I am not responsible for making sure they take their meds. They are adults. They are responsible for their own well-being. I will not cater to their fantasies or their delusions or their paranoia or their depression. I will not fight with them.
I will make sure that they have housing and food and aren't on the street. The rest of it is up to them.
If they are off the rails at any given time, I tell them that they are off the rails. If they are not taking their meds, I tell them that they need to take their meds.
I understand that their ability to manage that stuff is limited because of their illness, but *my* ability to manage it is even more limited because I'm not the adult who is in charge of them. They are the adult who is in charge of them. I can't force them to do things.
Let go and let God.
So you pay for their housing and foods?
Anonymous
05/28/2014 08:09
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
Anonymous wrote:My younger brother's mental illness has resulted in him being homeless. Recently, in dealing with our mother, I realize that she likely did a lot of passive aggressive stuff that helped to drive him away. Not intentionally, but due to her frustrations.
We as human beings tend to rationalize after the facts.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 07:46
Subject: Re:Dealing with a mentally ill family member
I have family members with bipolar. This is what I have learned. I don't take responsibility for their happiness or well-being. I am not responsible for making sure they have the car they want or that they are 100% fulfilled or not frustrated or angry. I am not responsible for making sure they stay employed. I am not responsible for making sure that they stay in school. I am not responsible for making sure they take their meds. They are adults. They are responsible for their own well-being. I will not cater to their fantasies or their delusions or their paranoia or their depression. I will not fight with them.
I will make sure that they have housing and food and aren't on the street. The rest of it is up to them.
If they are off the rails at any given time, I tell them that they are off the rails. If they are not taking their meds, I tell them that they need to take their meds.
I understand that their ability to manage that stuff is limited because of their illness, but *my* ability to manage it is even more limited because I'm not the adult who is in charge of them. They are the adult who is in charge of them. I can't force them to do things.
Let go and let God.
I will make sure that they have housing and food and aren't on the street. The rest of it is up to them.
If they are off the rails at any given time, I tell them that they are off the rails. If they are not taking their meds, I tell them that they need to take their meds.
I understand that their ability to manage that stuff is limited because of their illness, but *my* ability to manage it is even more limited because I'm not the adult who is in charge of them. They are the adult who is in charge of them. I can't force them to do things.
Let go and let God.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 07:40
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
My younger brother's mental illness has resulted in him being homeless. Recently, in dealing with our mother, I realize that she likely did a lot of passive aggressive stuff that helped to drive him away. Not intentionally, but due to her frustrations.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 07:13
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
Therapy for you with someone who understands bipolar.
You need to talk with a professional who understands the illness.
You need to talk with a professional who understands the illness.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 06:12
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
In a similar boat. But my relative is insane and does not believe she is sick.
Is your bro taking medicine?
Is your bro taking medicine?
Anonymous
05/28/2014 00:17
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
OP, I'm sorry. You are a co-dependent, as I was for years. I learned all about it and how to let go and let god, and how to take care of myself in 12-step meetings. Highly recommend Al Anon or Coda.
Then you can let him live his life and not bother with his. It's not fair to you or your children.
Hugs.
Then you can let him live his life and not bother with his. It's not fair to you or your children.
Hugs.
Anonymous
05/27/2014 23:35
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
OP, are you and your parents connected to a network of people dealing with similar situations? If not, could you find a network like this?
Anonymous
05/27/2014 23:31
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have a bi-polar sister and it is truly awful. I feel for her, know it is not her fault, but there are times when I just hate her. What is the plan when your parents die? I would sit down with them and figure out what is going to happen. The only thing that keeps me sane is that my parents have carefully planned their finances so she can be cared for. My husband and I also have a rainy day fund just in case something happens to my parents $$.
DH earns a healthy living ($500k+). We will support him. The actual money isn't the issue. It's the emotional drain.
Then buy a small house or apartment near your parents, or build in law suite at your parents, and let him live there. They deserve some space. Pay for them to go on some vacations, without him.
You still might want to try to help him get disability.
Anonymous
05/27/2014 23:27
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
Anonymous wrote:I have a bi-polar sister and it is truly awful. I feel for her, know it is not her fault, but there are times when I just hate her. What is the plan when your parents die? I would sit down with them and figure out what is going to happen. The only thing that keeps me sane is that my parents have carefully planned their finances so she can be cared for. My husband and I also have a rainy day fund just in case something happens to my parents $$.
DH earns a healthy living ($500k+). We will support him. The actual money isn't the issue. It's the emotional drain.
Anonymous
05/27/2014 22:37
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
I have a bi-polar sister and it is truly awful. I feel for her, know it is not her fault, but there are times when I just hate her. What is the plan when your parents die? I would sit down with them and figure out what is going to happen. The only thing that keeps me sane is that my parents have carefully planned their finances so she can be cared for. My husband and I also have a rainy day fund just in case something happens to my parents $$.
Anonymous
05/27/2014 22:35
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
Could you get him on disability?
It wouldn't be much, maybe 750 a month.
What are the financial situations of you and your parents?
Could he move into an apartment nearby? Or build an in law suite?
It wouldn't be much, maybe 750 a month.
What are the financial situations of you and your parents?
Could he move into an apartment nearby? Or build an in law suite?
Anonymous
05/27/2014 22:32
Subject: Dealing with a mentally ill family member
I have a 30 year old bipolar brother who is a huge emotional drain for me and my parents. When he is manic, I am afraid of him. When he is depressed, I worry about him constantly and want to cheer him up. Occasionally he acts completely normal and gives hope to my family. Of course the cycle repeats itself and he never stays normal.
How do you deal with a mentally ill family member?
Sometimes I think having a disabled brother prevents me from being fully happy. I always feel guilty. My parents are old and they live with my brother. Instead of enjoying retirement, they spend their time battling with him. My brother never holds a job so he is always asking my parents and me for money. We can afford to support him but sometimes his requests are ridiculous. Recently he has been pestering me for a new car when he has a perfectly functional car that we bought him 3 years ago. He will get angry at my parents for not giving him cash. They ration him an allowance but it isn't always enough. Then he gets angry and can be scary. Not sure what I am looking for here.
How do you deal with a mentally ill family member?
Sometimes I think having a disabled brother prevents me from being fully happy. I always feel guilty. My parents are old and they live with my brother. Instead of enjoying retirement, they spend their time battling with him. My brother never holds a job so he is always asking my parents and me for money. We can afford to support him but sometimes his requests are ridiculous. Recently he has been pestering me for a new car when he has a perfectly functional car that we bought him 3 years ago. He will get angry at my parents for not giving him cash. They ration him an allowance but it isn't always enough. Then he gets angry and can be scary. Not sure what I am looking for here.