In arguments that I've had with my sister, she's always said that I was stuck up or too good for the family. Which isn't true at all. I love my family and it kills me that they think this way of me. I want to come home and visit but I hate coming home knowing that they feel this way.


Even though you say you are fine with it, you may not realize how you are coming across to others. Hear what they say, take it in, and try to be more understanding and see if there is something you can change

I don't think you've really owned your choices and are comfortable with them. If you had, you wouldn't feel so judged and bothered by it - you wouldn't be assuming they think you're stuck up or too good for family. FWIW, I come from the very rural midwest where some people have never been beyond the neighboring county. I not only moved out of state, I've lived all over the world. I don't even have the same accent they do any more - which is often commented upon. There is some distance between my extended family and me but I engage them, help with the dishes, greet everyone as they come in (or when I come in) and we just take it from there. No big deal - I am, after all, now a woman of a certain age and maturity .

OP, I totally get where you're coming from. I have the same problems too.

You cannot control other people's issues. Just try to survive the visit.

I grew up very poor (urban "ghetto" neighborhood) and never came back after college. Family reunions are awkward only in that my children seem unable to "code switch" and their speech/mannerisms can appear to be hincty. In reality, we're having a great time, enjoying the music and conversation, etc. And when my younger DD asks about what is in a particular dish, it's because of her food allergies not due to any squeamishness. She won't touch the mac'n'cheese, but she can eat an entire steampan of greens if no one stops her.

They may feel insecure around you. Shrug the comments off, OP, and look at the deeper communication: "do you still consider yourself one of us? Is your different path a rejection of us? Do you look down on us?" It's about them, not you. Just brace yourself for the initial comment to be annoying, and leap over that hurdle so you can have a real conversation with them.

Some people just say stuff to say stuff. It annoys me, "The 'Where have you been?" stuff that comes out as accusations, but I try not to take it so seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm such a bitch that I'd call them out on their shit. "

Them: What, you aren't going to say hi to me?
Me: Well being passive-aggressive by saying that doesn't really inspire me to.

Except OP, I am betting they're a little insecure and worried that you HAVE gone off to The Big City and forgotten about them and it just all comes out awkwardly. So I'd just give a big hug and even bigger smile and say "Of COURSE I am! I was just saying hi to my twin sister first but you were next on my list! I've missed you so much - in fact, I was thinking about you just last week and how we used to blah blah when we were younger. How ARE you?"

Fawning makes people feel good sometimes.

You are right, I do feel insecure by it. Not really insecure but almost sorry that I left? But I want to feel bad about choosing another path. And that's probably where it comes off as snobby.

I meant: I DONT want to feel bad.

Anonymous wrote:I'm such a bitch that I'd call them out on their shit. "

Them: What, you aren't going to say hi to me?
Me: Well being passive-aggressive by saying that doesn't really inspire me to.

Except OP, I am betting they're a little insecure and worried that you HAVE gone off to The Big City and forgotten about them and it just all comes out awkwardly. So I'd just give a big hug and even bigger smile and say "Of COURSE I am! I was just saying hi to my twin sister first but you were next on my list! I've missed you so much - in fact, I was thinking about you just last week and how we used to blah blah when we were younger. How ARE you?"

Fawning makes people feel good sometimes.

You are right, I do feel insecure by it. Not really insecure but almost sorry that I left? But I want to feel bad about choosing another path. And that's probably where it comes off as snobby.

Anonymous wrote:I have, "it's just too far for they're too busy". It's only a 1.5 hour drive. I've had a rocky relationship with my parents and siblings ever since I declared that I would go away to college instead of stay home and run the family business like every one else. I attended a college four hours from home and moved out of the state as soon as I graduated. I don't frown upon anyone's decision to stay and work the business at home, I just wanted something different for myself.

In arguments that I've had with my sister, she's always said that I was stuck up or too good for the family. Which isn't true at all. I love my family and it kills me that they think this way of me. I want to come home and visit but I hate coming home knowing that they feel this way.

Even though you say you are fine with it, you may not realize how you are coming across to others. Hear what they say, take it in, and try to be more understanding and see if there is something you can change

I have, "it's just too far for they're too busy". It's only a 1.5 hour drive. I've had a rocky relationship with my parents and siblings ever since I declared that I would go away to college instead of stay home and run the family business like every one else. I attended a college four hours from home and moved out of the state as soon as I graduated. I don't frown upon anyone's decision to stay and work the business at home, I just wanted something different for myself.

In arguments that I've had with my sister, she's always said that I was stuck up or too good for the family. Which isn't true at all. I love my family and it kills me that they think this way of me. I want to come home and visit but I hate coming home knowing that they feel this way.

I'm such a bitch that I'd call them out on their shit. "

Them: What, you aren't going to say hi to me?
Me: Well being passive-aggressive by saying that doesn't really inspire me to.

Except OP, I am betting they're a little insecure and worried that you HAVE gone off to The Big City and forgotten about them and it just all comes out awkwardly. So I'd just give a big hug and even bigger smile and say "Of COURSE I am! I was just saying hi to my twin sister first but you were next on my list! I've missed you so much - in fact, I was thinking about you just last week and how we used to blah blah when we were younger. How ARE you?"

Fawning makes people feel good sometimes.

Wow OP, you are really putting yourself on a high horse and your family, beneath you. I would be mindful of how you come off to others.

Anonymous wrote:I have no bad feelings for the way their lives are, I absolutely agree that everyone does things differently. But when comments are made like "she's too good to come back here.." when no one has ever stepped foot in my home (and I've lived here for three years), it's hard to feel as if they judge me for leaving.

Have you invited them?

I have no bad feelings for the way their lives are, I absolutely agree that everyone does things differently. But when comments are made like "she's too good to come back here.." when no one has ever stepped foot in my home (and I've lived here for three years), it's hard to feel as if they judge me for leaving.

Besides being called the city cousins... Not really.

Go around and say hi to everyone with the quick, hug/kiss. Then settle in with the ones you like.

I think you are over thinking ... Maybe you are a snob though... "Sorry I went off and did something with my life?'"

I don't feel that way at all... They ARE doing something with their life, it's just different.

I just have one little vent that I need to get our. I hate, HATE when I go to family functions. I'm one of the few out of my WV family that went to college and moved out of the state. When I go to such gatherings with my husband, at least three people approach me and say "What you're going to ignore and hide from me the entire time and not say hi?" I so badly want to shoot back and say "The road goes both ways!" But I smile and said "I wasn't hiding, I'm just making my rounds." In all honesty, I don't even want I talk to this person now after the way that they approached me.

The fact is, I'm not hiding from anyone. I have six siblings, two parents, ten nieces and nephews, and grandparents to say hello to first. I hate feeling as if I am being judged or someone thinks that I'm being snotty. I'm always the one in the family who left the small town, who never comes home, who is "too good for us now" and I hate feeling bad for actually doing something with my life.

Does this happen with anyone else?