21:05, OP here, hijack away! I am 7 years out and still reeling. One month and you are definitely still in shock. It was/is the hardest thing I've ever endured. My only consolation is that I see/feel my mom everywhere- close calls in the car; my daughter falling down the stairs, not a scratch; my son pulling a bookcase down on himself at a play date, no harm- you start to realize that your mom is pulling some major strings for your kids and is totally with you/looking out for you. It's so, so, so hard- it sucks so bad to not have a mom- but if you think they're out there somewhere, watching out for your fam, it makes it so much easier to deal. Hugs to you, my friend.