This would concern me too. MIL may be the most wonderful woman on earth but this age difference is highly unusual and she has to understand her family's concerns. I don't think there's anything wrong with voicing concern - not in an attacking way, of course, and in a manner that acknowledges and respects MIL's right to make her own choices and date whomever she pleases. It doesn't sound like anyone really knows this guy yet, and it's perfectly natural to be concerned in this situation, at least initially.

Anonymous wrote:The guy may be a scammer. And yeah, "blowing" the money on travel and other things that are enjoyable is way different from "blowing" the money on an outright scam.

I'd want to find out a way to put the assets in a trust or somewhere where the guy can't get to them, BUT broaching it as "we don't trust your new boyfriend" is the surest way to get the mom to stop listening and to estrange kids from Grandma.

Find some way to broach the subject without implying the guy is a crook, because he could just be enjoying his sugar mama legitimately as opposed to outright robbing her.

If there's no other problems you see with the guy, let the mom be happy and let the relationship run its course.

Why is everyone asssuming this guy is using OPs MIL for her money? Sugar mama? Unless I missed it, I don't think the OP said the MIL is paying for his 3-week European vacation. Maybe he's paying for his half. Maybe he's paying for the whole thing.

Op, all you can do at this point is observe. The boyfriend says he shares custody, but does he really? Everybody says some variation of that. Watch for his daughter to make an actual appearance. Don't be fooled with "Grandma decided to take her to a ballgame" or "She got sick at the last minute" or "Her friend wanted her to come play". Make sure that you all get eyes on his daughter and do so frequently. If he's not interested in being around his own child on a consistent basis, be aware that he is not a good person. Also, watch how he and your mom interact. We all know what a happy loving couple looks like. That won't look any difference because of the age difference. Your mom is an adult, and can spend her money any way she chooses. So can you. And, the reverse is true, you both can choose to *not* spend money. So you don't need to support her if she makes choices you don't agree with. For now, let her enjoy this guy, but do be aware of red flags, namely his daughter's lack of physical presence, and if she doesn't seem happy.

OP - I generally agree with your sentiment that MIL is a grown woman and can handle herself. But if there is no stopping your DH from talking to his mom, I suggest you help him consider:

Anonymous wrote:The difficulty is, if the basis of your/your husband's distrust is, "Why would a young guy like that be honestly into you? He must be after your money," that will be a very hard message for your MIL to hear -- basically you're saying you can't believe he could possibly actually like HER. I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm saying you can't convey that to your MIL and expect her not to be insulted & hurt.

I think 9:51 has the right idea -- bring it up so that it has nothing to do with the new guy *specifically*. You can mention the fact that she's in a serious relationship as something that's spurring the conversation, but I'd present it like you'd be concerned even if she was in a relationship with someone her own age.

-This in bold. I just had a friend whose grandmother was marred for the second time, and then she passed away from a degenerative, long-term disease plus cancer. In the meantime, this lady's adult children were battling with her husband to find out what nursing home he was keeping her in, how she was being cared for, why she wasn't seeing doctors four years into the signs of her illnesses, etc. This man was very close to her age.
-Is he concerned that if he addresses this, that his mom might push him away?
-Have DH's siblings or other relatives already talked to MIL and how successful was that?
Just because an older person's SO is a similar age doesn't mean they aren't getting taken advantage of. OP, if your husband decides he's going to talk to his mother about this, he should encourage her to think about:
1) The fact that the boyfriend has a kid from another relationship. MIL should know everything she can about this relationship (I would want to know if it were the guy I was dating).
2) MIL should be prepared for heartbreak. What if this guy really likes her and isn't an opportunist? Relationships don't always work out, and MIL should be aware of this, esp. if she's being whisked off to Europe.
3) It sounds like the boyfriend shares custody of the child. If this relationship gets serious and they move in or get married, does MIL want to take care of another young kid that could easily be her granddaughter?

The difficulty is, if the basis of your/your husband's distrust is, "Why would a young guy like that be honestly into you? He must be after your money," that will be a very hard message for your MIL to hear -- basically you're saying you can't believe he could possibly actually like HER. I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm saying you can't convey that to your MIL and expect her not to be insulted & hurt.

I think 9:51 has the right idea -- bring it up so that it has nothing to do with the new guy *specifically*. You can mention the fact that she's in a serious relationship as something that's spurring the conversation, but I'd present it like you'd be concerned even if she was in a relationship with someone her own age.

Men date women decades younger than them all the time. He should let his hot momma have some fun. Sounds like he is freaked out that her new boyfriend is about his age?

The guy may be a scammer. And yeah, "blowing" the money on travel and other things that are enjoyable is way different from "blowing" the money on an outright scam.

I'd want to find out a way to put the assets in a trust or somewhere where the guy can't get to them, BUT broaching it as "we don't trust your new boyfriend" is the surest way to get the mom to stop listening and to estrange kids from Grandma.

Find some way to broach the subject without implying the guy is a crook, because he could just be enjoying his sugar mama legitimately as opposed to outright robbing her.

If there's no other problems you see with the guy, let the mom be happy and let the relationship run its course.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's he worried about, that his mom will get pregnant?

Probably marriage and loss of inheritance.

Not the OP, but I wouldn't care about "losing my inheritance," but I would be concerned that someone was taking advantage of my mother. I mean, if my mom wants to spend her money on exotic travel or whatever, that's her prerogative, but I don't want her losing her life savings to a con artist. I would want to make sure that her assets were secured so some guy couldn't scam her out of them and then leave her with nothing except a broken heart and feeling like an idiot.

Anonymous wrote:So we are talking about an opportunist making love to an elderly lady for money, is that right?

Well, I would be upset like your husband.

What if you have to support her because she has given him all her money?

Talk to her about securing her financial assets.

+1000

13:25 here: my guess is that he is just overwhelmed by grief and loss and feelings he can't even articulate. The idea of his mother in a romantic relationship with a 30 year old throws into question everything he thought his mother was supposed to be. She was supposed to be married to his father always. She is not supposed to be in a sexual relationship with someone who may be younger than him. We all crave some sense of order in our world, and this news challenges that order on a fundamental level.

So we are talking about an opportunist making love to an elderly lady for money, is that right?

Well, I would be upset like your husband.

What if you have to support her because she has given him all her money?

Talk to her about securing her financial assets.

Anonymous wrote:What's he worried about, that his mom will get pregnant?

Probably marriage and loss of inheritance.

What's he worried about, that his mom will get pregnant?

Can he articulate what his exact concerns are? In his mind, what is most troubling? What is the worst thing that he thinks will happen if they continue?

This is kind of nutty, my mother in law a wonderful good lady became a widow 3 years ago. She has always been a really beautiful woman, and last year she started exercising again and taking good care of herself...we were so happy to see it, she was finally feeling good about life again (she lives about an hour away) She then told us about 6 months ago she was dating someone that "made her very happy'. We were thrilled for her.

So there was a family party last weekend that she was coming in town for and she told us she is bringing her bf, so at first my husband was taken by surprise, he didn't know they were that serious but we all figured it made her happy.Well....the night of the party she walks in with a guy who at most was 30 (she is 60) a very good looking guy but still.

So we have since found out he is a rep for some pharmaceutical co. has a daughter (6 yrs old) from a previous marriage, the daughter lives with her mother but he sees her regularly. We were all kinda blown away. My husband is very upset and has been steaming ever since. Now we found out they are going to Europe in June for 3 weeks.

My husband wants to have a sit down with her and is very concerned, i told him shes a grown woman and can make these decision for herself i understand his concern but there is no way she is going to listen. Its causing conflict between us now too. any one ever experience anything like this?