counseling for you? sounds like you have no joy-get it back!

Anonymous wrote:Yes. He can't even get an erection when we're trying to do it. I wish he would do something, even have an affair, to be more sexual. I think it would benefit our marriage.

He's seen a doctor?

A decade ago, I would have been relieved if my ex-DH...
--had turned his emotional affair to a physical one and left me
--had died in a fiery car crash
--had joined an ashram and eschewed all worldly things.

Instead, he had a psychotic breakdown and I filed for divorce.

Just get divorced then...obviously.

Yes. He can't even get an erection when we're trying to do it. I wish he would do something, even have an affair, to be more sexual. I think it would benefit our marriage.

I totally "get it."

If your husband had an affair, then that would shift the blame onto him so you wouldn't be the bad guy and you could get the free pass to get out of the marriage.

Trust me...You are not alone.

I have felt the same way and have been in your shoes many times.

Early in your relationship, it's like a small boat - it lacks substance, but its direction can turn on a dime; it's quick and exciting. Now that you've been married a while, your relationship has a lot of substance, but changing it's direction is like turning a huge ship. It's slow and takes a lot of energy. But, even though it takes a lot of effort, you might as well put in the hard work - it's the only life you get.

Yes, I felt that way. When I noticed an emotional pulling away that coincided with hanging out with a new coworker. I let it happen. I think I had given up at that point. I know we both contributed to the demise of the relationship.

You are passive and want him to take the steps to end the marriage that you can't bear to take.

Yes I have had fleeting moments of thinking that if he had an affair it would be my no brainer answer to questions that were excruciating and confounding. In my case my DH's personality had changed severely due to severe depresion and anxiety (I NOW know), and I just did not know what was going on. He would say things that were terrible and eventually became verbally abusive. It was a total mindfuck.

I think it was a sign of extreme distress to actually want something that would be so heartbreaking JUST to end the pain I was feeling.

Luckily he did not do that, and got treatment, and is doing much better, and I am now not in agonizing pain.

Nah, I usually just hope for a quick fatal car accident.

It is a fleeting thought I had today, after our most recent argument. Sometimes I just feel deeply disappointed in our relationship. Maybe my expectations are too high, or maybe my disappointment is legitimate. It's hard to tell.

Woah. That's messed up. Do you think this a lot or was it a fleeting type of thing? Invest in your marriage or leave. This is real life, not Divorce Italian Style (which is a very good movie about this exact scenario almost!). You are an adult and allowed to make these decisions for yourself.

Also, his personality is very intense and he can be hard to get along with. When I envision the future, sometimes I am filled with dread and resentment.

What did you do about it?

I feel stuck in my marriage! It feels mediocre. I want more, I imagined things would be different. I feel terrible for even thinking it, but sometimes I wish there was a concrete reason to end things.