Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 16:00     Subject: Re:My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Stop trying to please someone who will never be satisfied. Deal with her in whatever manner YOU wish. Speak when you feel like it, ignore her when you want. She has trained you to seek her approval. Don't. It will be hard at first, but press on, ahead lies freedom.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 13:06     Subject: Re:My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Anonymous wrote:At least she was honest. Tell her you don't want conflict and then stop talking to her. Simple.



Have you tried American Sign Language?

(j/k)

My mother and I always had issues.
In HS I used to go to her for advice like a regular parent and I said, "Can you just say what other parents have on their list, like you are proud of me, don't get in the car with a stranger, don't drink but if you do don't drive"? We made up fake #s.

She would say, 5, 9, 14.

It was a funny way to acknowledge how far off the rails it all was.

(HUGS)
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 12:00     Subject: Re:My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
At least she was honest. Tell her you don't want conflict and then stop talking to her. Simple.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 11:54     Subject: My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Anonymous wrote:Is to say nothing.


then stop talking. Really. Just don't speak to her at all. Operate as if she isn't there. It's tough the first day but you will get used to it.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 11:54     Subject: My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
My dad was like this and wondered why I never talked to him.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 11:51     Subject: Re:My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you should take her up on it.


+1

OP, don't waste your time calling/visiting her. That's what she wants, so give it to her.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 10:25     Subject: Re:My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you should take her up on it.

Tried that. She said I was being passive aggressive. Tried agreeing with her on everything, she said I was acting servile and being sarcastic. Nothing I do is acceptable.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 09:42     Subject: My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Much appreciated, everyone. It is a comfort to know I'm not alone in facing this. Trying hard to be a different mom for my kids.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 08:23     Subject: My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am sorry. Hugs.


Thanks. I can't wait for this week to end.

You're welcome. Try to keep your focus on your children and spouse. Our family disfunction has a knack of repeating itself in different ways. It's a real bitch to figure out how to tame it. But keep working on your own family as much as you can. Our children's future success in life, makes our hard work worth while. And they'll know how hard we struggle with what we came from. I wish you all the strength this work demands.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 08:18     Subject: My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Yeah, I've got a mom like that. It's rough. Find other sources of strength and people who can remind you that it's not you, it's her.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 08:17     Subject: My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Hugs, OP. Mine expects me to agree with her on everything or say nothing as well.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 08:15     Subject: Re:My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Sounds like you should take her up on it.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 08:13     Subject: My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Anonymous wrote:I am sorry. Hugs.


Thanks. I can't wait for this week to end.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 08:10     Subject: My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
I am sorry. Hugs.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2014 08:03     Subject: My mother just told me the only way to avoid conflict with her...
Is to say nothing.