My first love is married to a very sweet and beautiful woman from his culture/religion. Initially, it was a bit weird although I was married to someone else for years before he moved on. Now though, I am so happy for him/them. She is joyfully giving him the type of home and family that I couldn't without losing my authentic self. He is able to be happy without feeling guilty. It's a win for everyone.

I completely understand how you feel OP. When you've given your heart and soul to someone, you never REALLY leave them behind. Like someone else said.

Dealing with the heart break of going through two long-term relationships before meeting my DH, I have to wonder: why do we love so recklessly? I don't think we were meant to give our hearts away so freely and without caution. Because that pain does NOT go away easy. Losing a relationship that you thought would last forever feels like a death, seriously. It's the death of the future you thought you once had together, it's a death of your dreams with that person and your spiritual connection to them.

One major love was in high school, another was in college. Again, in hindsight, part of me wishes I had just stayed single. I would have been happier, single and waiting for the man I'd married, aka my DH.

But having gone through those relationships, I will always care for my exes and will wish the best for them.

I think it's totally normal, especially if you two had been out of touch prior to you finding this out. As someone said upthread, while your own life moves on, you still imagine people from your past in the same circumstance they were in when you exited their life. If you had sat around obsessing about whether they had met someone, etc. in the intervening years that would be way more unhealthy in my opinion. So you didn't (obsess) and they did (meet someone). But your last memory of them is intertwined with your memories of you two together as a couple.

I don't think it's just exes that this happens with. I feel awkward/weird/funny when I see that a formerly close friend is getting married/divorced/whatever is contrary to the state that I knew them in. Part of it is just that you used to be such a big part of their life, and now you're finding out about a major development in it that you had no clue was coming.

I get it and felt the same way when I saw my ex get engaged. It's normal to feel weird even years later. I mean I don't want to be with him, but how could it not be awkward?

Anonymous wrote:I think this is normal. I mean, we dated for 6 years and had an excruciatingly painful break up. I'm married with kids now. I'm very happy, and I feel happy for my ex. But I still feel weird.

If you really loved someone, there is a piece of your heart that will always belong them. Doesn't mean you still love them on a daily basis, just that they were once special and you recognize they are a significant part of your history. I was seriously involved with someone, had an awful break up, have never had any contact since, but when I saw pictures of him on FB (I know, should not have looked) with his daughter, and saw how adorable they are together, it did feel kind of strange. But on another level, he is a loving man and I want to see him with a happy family life.

Understandable as long as you don't dwell on it.

I also felt weird when my ex got married (we had dated for 4 years, were engaged but realized we didn't want the same things long term). I'm happy for him but it was just an odd feeling.

Sad news - illness, tough times, even death - are the things that I hate to hear about.

Your ex is happy. Good for him! Be happy for him!

I'm actually happy when I hear that an ex has moved on, fallen in love, gotten married. I cared about them once and I still want good things for them.

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you're married with 2 kids??? I don't get it. Everyone would NOT feel the same way if they were in your shoes.

S/He's found someone to be happy with, JUST LIKE YOU. Why is "weird" the feeling you go to. How about just being happy for him/her.

+1

I think OP is egotistical. OP can move on but the ex should pine forever because OP was so wonderful? Get over yourself, OP.

Totally normal. Even when we've moved on, it's hard to think of our former partners as being in something other than the state we left them in.

Wait, you're married with 2 kids??? I don't get it. Everyone would NOT feel the same way if they were in your shoes.

S/He's found someone to be happy with, JUST LIKE YOU. Why is "weird" the feeling you go to. How about just being happy for him/her.

Completely normal.

Everyone would feel the same way if in your shoes.

Oops. Meant to post in off topic.

I think this is normal. I mean, we dated for 6 years and had an excruciatingly painful break up. I'm married with kids now. I'm very happy, and I feel happy for my ex. But I still feel weird.