So don't go. Relax at home (take a nap, read a book, lie around on the couch) while your husband and toddler go to brunch.

Anonymous wrote:Always wonder if dads care so much about Father's Day? Does make women seem so petty & immature fussy about & stomping their feet, "but it is MY day."

+1

FTM here of a 1 year old. Honestly, I'd be happy with just a card from my kid and breakfast. It will be nice having my first Mother's Day as a mom and all, but really, I'm not going to get nasty with my kid over it in the coming years. After a certain age if he calls me or sends a gift, great, but I could never see being a diva over it. My mother and her family always made a big to-do over it with lots of hours in traffic just to go to a BBQ that could easy have been held the day before.

SAME as you OP and I was resentful for a while, but then I kind of looked at is as if she has dibbs on Mother's Day becasue, frankly, she isn't going to get too many more which means my husband won't have too many more with her either.

So, I have just accepted that she will be a part of the weekend. Do brunch with her and then dinner with your family or vice versa.

Trust me, it will be hard for your DH when his mother is gone and he doesn't get to celebrate this day with her again.

My first mother's day was shared with my MIL as well and I didn't love it really. I think splitting the day somehow it the best compromise while you all still live in the same town. It's on your DH to make sure you still feel special.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is taking the kids to see his mother on Saturday. So, I get alone time Saturday and Mothers Day doesn't end up being a tribute to grandma (not that that's a terrible thing, but, we don't get along so it wouldn't make my day awesome).

this would be a good solution but no joke a few years ago we did a July 4 bbq on the 3rd so we could go downtown on the 4th, and she said the 4th that year was the worst day of her life because she was spending a holiday without family. She is nuts.

The one thing I do have going is that at least we're doing brunch near us - before DS we would go to them, 45 minute to an hour away.

I am planning me-day Saturday Just scheduled a massage and plan to do some shopping and maybe even a movie (though it seems like there's nothing playing right now.)

You don't have to cater to her being nuts or fulfill her every wish for family time. It sounds like this is a problem throughout the year, not just Mother's Day, so figure out your boundaries and what you will or won't do that's reasonable for you and DH, and then otherwise she can keep whining and complaining or adjust. There's no negotiating with crazy.

Always wonder if dads care so much about Father's Day? Does make women seem so petty & immature fussy about & stomping their feet, "but it is MY day."

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to take the bull by the horns here:

"Hey, DH, you know what I would really like for mother's day? A day with just us and DS where we do ____. Why don't you take DS over to visit your Mom after he wakes up from his nap later in the day or Saturday morning instead?"

Or something along these lines--but you've got to speak up and ask for what you want. I'm suggesting DH take DS over to visit MIL solo so then you have some time to do something nice for yourself too.

OP again. I have done this... his family has some deeply ingrained traditions so it's hard to budge. He knows I feel resentful and he's caught in the middle. I have encouraged a thoughtful activity at some other point in the weekend (I think he'll grill steaks Sunday evening, and I know he ordered a gift of some sort).

It's tough. He's doing his best and the fact is I just don't like being close to in-laws. I'd rather be closer to my family who are unfortunately across the country, so that's a whole other issue.

Thanks for the suggestions and empathy

She is still your husband's mother so she deserves just as much "right" to a Mother's Day as you. I don't really care if the focus is on my mother or MIL instead of me now; chances are good they will die before me & then it will be my time.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is taking the kids to see his mother on Saturday. So, I get alone time Saturday and Mothers Day doesn't end up being a tribute to grandma (not that that's a terrible thing, but, we don't get along so it wouldn't make my day awesome).

this would be a good solution but no joke a few years ago we did a July 4 bbq on the 3rd so we could go downtown on the 4th, and she said the 4th that year was the worst day of her life because she was spending a holiday without family. She is nuts.

The one thing I do have going is that at least we're doing brunch near us - before DS we would go to them, 45 minute to an hour away.

I am planning me-day Saturday Just scheduled a massage and plan to do some shopping and maybe even a movie (though it seems like there's nothing playing right now.)

Anonymous wrote:Why not split the day? Brunch with Grandma and the afternoon/dinner with just you, DH and DC. Or vice-versa. You could bow out of the brunch and get some "me time" in the morning while DH (and DC) and his mom get to bond. Win-win.

Except a 2.5 year old still naps, so morning's really the key time for an outing.

OP: you are lucky that your husband wants to honor his mother this weekend. It shows he cares about his mother and the tradition.
You will likely outlive her, so try to appreciate her while she's here and just be selfless this weekend.

I think you need to take the bull by the horns here:

"Hey, DH, you know what I would really like for mother's day? A day with just us and DS where we do ____. Why don't you take DS over to visit your Mom after he wakes up from his nap later in the day or Saturday morning instead?"

Or something along these lines--but you've got to speak up and ask for what you want. I'm suggesting DH take DS over to visit MIL solo so then you have some time to do something nice for yourself too.

Why not split the day? Brunch with Grandma and the afternoon/dinner with just you, DH and DC. Or vice-versa. You could bow out of the brunch and get some "me time" in the morning while DH (and DC) and his mom get to bond. Win-win.

My DH is taking the kids to see his mother on Saturday. So, I get alone time Saturday and Mothers Day doesn't end up being a tribute to grandma (not that that's a terrible thing, but, we don't get along so it wouldn't make my day awesome).

I know this comes up every year. I am feeling resentful about having mother's day brunch with my MIL. I'd rather DH plan something special for our family. His mom loves to be the center of attention and his brother will be out of town so it would crush her if she didn't spend some the day with at least one kid.

I've encouraged DH to come up with some kind of thoughtfully planned activity just for our family (DS is 2.5) at some point during the weekend.

Just a vent because I know there are others in the same boat. I know it's her day too but now that I'm a mom I don't want to share the day with in-laws that drive me bananas.

Just one of many things that makes me want to leave the area.