Anonymous wrote:Eh, he may just be low drive. Lots of spouses are, or become that way. Focus on all you love about him and your family. Once perimenopause hits and your drive calms down, you'll be glad you did.

Um, yeah. I'm sure op will be really happy that she wasted her young years on a no-drive spouse having infrequent sex. Great advice.

Eh, he may just be low drive. Lots of spouses are, or become that way. Focus on all you love about him and your family. Once perimenopause hits and your drive calms down, you'll be glad you did.

OP again. I think his testosterone is low and also suspect untreated depression. Unfortunately I'm not a doctor and can't diagnose or treat him, and he refuses to go to a doctor.

I'd bet folding money his testosterone is too low.

So then you already know that something is wrong and that his excuse about being tired of stressed out is bogus, right? How long has this been going on? Is he otherwise nice to you, or is he unkind or indifferent? Could he be trying to get you to initiate a separation?

OP again. Refuses to talk about it, refuses to see a doctor. I don't see myself leaving him over it because I love waking up in the same house with our kids every day. But it's so massively unfair.

Not sure a vacation would help, but it might help you determine how big a problem this is. If you go away for a week and he still isn't initiating, then you need to accept that you have a problem that isn't related to him being too tired.

My DH is exhausted 24/7, but he still initiates sex almost every night. Men need sex.

OP, I think one thing to do is understand that he probably is tired and overstressed and just can't get in the mood. Brushing that off probably doesn't help him want to have sex with you.

Second, get him to the doctor to make sure there isn't anything medical going on.

Does he work long hours? Does he get time to relax and do his own thing without you getting annoyed you are in charge of the kids, etc?

But yes, date nights, vacation, escape from the kids/work will probably all help.

Once a month and you always initiate means there is a problem.

OP again, less than once a month, and I ALWAYS initiate. It is so depressing. High drive, get attention from men, don't want to cheat, can't get any at home. I feel so stuck.

Anonymous wrote:Pp, I've done this. He always blames it on the kids and being tired. I've been soddirect with him, saying it makes me feel rejected, and I need sex. Before we got married I told him I was a high drive woman and he was ok with it (frequency was better back then too). In low moments I've even gone so far asto ttell him it makes me feel like seeking out someone else. Nothing.

So jealous of you DWs with husbands who pursue you for sex constantly. You don't know how good you have it.

My advice depends on how often you are having sex. I mean if you are having sex 3 days a week and you want it 7 my advice is going to be different than if you're having sex once every other week or once a month.

Something is not right. Tell him to see a doctor about his lethargy and lack of drive. Could he be gay? Could he be having an affair?

Pp, I've done this. He always blames it on the kids and being tired. I've been soddirect with him, saying it makes me feel rejected, and I need sex. Before we got married I told him I was a high drive woman and he was ok with it (frequency was better back then too). In low moments I've even gone so far asto ttell him it makes me feel like seeking out someone else. Nothing.

So jealous of you DWs with husbands who pursue you for sex constantly. You don't know how good you have it.

If I were in your shoes, I would be direct and ask him what is wrong and tell him that you want more intimacy in your marriage and that you are open to doing whatever he thinks will fix the problem...underscoring that this is a big problem that you aren't willing to ignore. Life is too short to live like this.

High drive Dw with practically no drive DH. Don't want to cheat, but feeling so sad and unsatisfied. The only time that has worked in recent months is when I sent him dirty emails, then dressed extra sexy and seduced him. doesn't always work though.

I'm attractive and get plenty of attention from men, so it's not that I've let myself go. We have young kids and are stressed--having an O helps me release the tension, but idk why DH just isn't interested.

Anyone else in the same boat had success with therapy, date nights or something else?