Anonymous wrote:

OP, I totally believe your theory. Happy people are involved in their grandchildren's lives - ALL of their grandchildren, not just whom they choose. If there is favoritism or lack of involvement, it is (from what I have seen) usually because the grandparent is selfish, and/or not a happy person to begin with.

Also, good parents make good grandparents, great parents...great grandparents, and lousy parents make lousy grandparents - from what I have seen.

And I have seen many, many grandparents interact with their grandchildren and children!

My IQ just dropped 10 points.

My parents have been nagging and bickering for 42 years. They would do anything for us. I am an only child.

My parents divorced when I was two, and my mother has been a godsend to both my brother and I. She has done a TON of babysitting and other things to help us and our marriages. My stepmother also is a wonderful, wonderful help.

My dad is 100 percent useless, but he was an indifferent parent, so that's not a shock.

Sorry to burst your bubble. My ILs are very happily married for 40+ yrs but offer absolutely no help what so ever.

Must be true. Both of us have now two sets of "parents" and they all are lacking in the help department. We are happy to just keep our distance and WE are happy.

OP, I totally believe your theory. Happy people are involved in their grandchildren's lives - ALL of their grandchildren, not just whom they choose. If there is favoritism or lack of involvement, it is (from what I have seen) usually because the grandparent is selfish, and/or not a happy person to begin with.

Also, good parents make good grandparents, great parents...great grandparents, and lousy parents make lousy grandparents - from what I have seen.

And I have seen many, many grandparents interact with their grandchildren and children!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:both sets of grandparents are more than happy to babysit and offer often. Both have very happy marriages.

Another of these. We practically have to beat them away.

+1

And another.

I am so jealous.

My mom will help us out in her own way, but isn't truth be told a huge help, despite the fact that she has both time and money to burn. DH's mom is also not terribly helpful, though she might be if she lived near by. Granddads are totally out of the picture for good reason. Reflecting on this rough patch in our marriage and with neither DH nor I having good models of marriage to draw up, makes me hope that when DH and I are grandparents, that we will help out our kids and actually volunteer to babysit and have the grandkids over (if our kids, want us to, of course) so that they have time alone as a couple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:both sets of grandparents are more than happy to babysit and offer often. Both have very happy marriages.

Another of these. We practically have to beat them away.

+1

And another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:both sets of grandparents are more than happy to babysit and offer often. Both have very happy marriages.

Another of these. We practically have to beat them away.

+1

Both sets of my grandparents were mean and had miserable marriages they stayed in for the "sake of the kids".

Hated when my parents pawned us off on them. Ugh.

Both sets of grandparents are happily married, neither help that much.

Though one set will help out here and there and helped during an emergency which required 1 child medical care/out of school for 7 weeks, they helped out for 3 days, then came back 2 weeks later, 3 days.

Anonymous wrote:both sets of grandparents are more than happy to babysit and offer often. Both have very happy marriages.

Another of these. We practically have to beat them away.

both sets of grandparents are more than happy to babysit and offer often. Both have very happy marriages.

My mother is divorced and single but she is happy to do whatever she can for us. None of us have kids yet but she has said that she wants to be a big part of their lives. She has taken our dog for us so my husband and I can go on trips.

Just wondering about this observation of my family and friends' families. The grandparents who are willing to help parents out--especially grandparents who are happy to take the grandkids for a few hours or a weekend so that mom and dad can have some couple time--seem to be successfully married. Like they understand what couples need to reconnect and how hard it can be with young kids. OTOH, grandparents who are not willing are oftentimes divorced or unhappily married and they either (still) don't understand or are unwilling to help out their kids in this way. Anecdotal, but wondering if anyone else has observed this?