Anonymous
04/24/2014 17:56
Subject: Re:DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
Anonymous wrote:As an AA mother who's about to send my DC off to college, I'm torn.
My knee-jerk reaction? You and your daughter need to get a grip! She's in COLLEGE now and considered an adult. She should not be reporting that she got her feelings hurt by an insensitive comment to Mommy. And Mommy should not be pulling the "MY daughter! My dime!" foolishness that doesn't even go over well when our kids are in HS.
Now might be a good time for DD to learn/DM to teach that the world is filled with crass people who make crass, rude comments that you won't like. Your choices are to:1) GROW UP AND DEAL! Perhaps (learn to) give a snappy comeback and keep it moving. (Angered to the point of shaking????) OR 2)GET A THICKER SKIN.
What happens when she's on the public bus or walking down the street and someone makes a racist comment. Who's she going to report it to?
Then 10% of me thinks Yeah, it's bad enough you'll have to face jerks and their comments in the real world but such comments have no place in certain settings: school, workplace, etc.
I'm going to go with the 90% of me that thinks DD needs to learn to deal and self-advocate. This could mean talking to the professor directly and calling him out on his behavior. Or perhaps even going into the next class--much calmer--raise her hand and say, "I'd just like to address that comment that was made yesterday about black men...I found the comment to be....(fill in the blank)".
Is she going to transfer a 2nd time WHEN (not "if") she hears another unkind remark?
I agree with this sensible approach, and hope you consider it, OP. As someone who's dealt with her fair share of comments that are insensitive and worse about my challenging life circumstances, my responses have been similar to what you describe about your and your daughter's reactions, and those responses have absolutely not served me well. This isn't just a matter of being pragmatic. In hindsight, I see that my reactions did the opposite of empowering me. If you want to empower your daughter, I think PP's advice gives you a good starting point.
Anonymous
04/24/2014 17:49
Subject: DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
Welcome to my world. As a Jew I've experienced many circumstances where bigotry and anti semitism were on full display throughout the semester.
I am sorry for your daughter and I hope she stands up for herself.
I am sorry for your daughter and I hope she stands up for herself.
Anonymous
04/24/2014 17:44
Subject: Re:DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
As an AA mother who's about to send my DC off to college, I'm torn.
My knee-jerk reaction? You and your daughter need to get a grip! She's in COLLEGE now and considered an adult. She should not be reporting that she got her feelings hurt by an insensitive comment to Mommy. And Mommy should not be pulling the "MY daughter! My dime!" foolishness that doesn't even go over well when our kids are in HS.
Now might be a good time for DD to learn/DM to teach that the world is filled with crass people who make crass, rude comments that you won't like. Your choices are to:1) GROW UP AND DEAL! Perhaps (learn to) give a snappy comeback and keep it moving. (Angered to the point of shaking????) OR 2)GET A THICKER SKIN.
What happens when she's on the public bus or walking down the street and someone makes a racist comment. Who's she going to report it to?
Then 10% of me thinks Yeah, it's bad enough you'll have to face jerks and their comments in the real world but such comments have no place in certain settings: school, workplace, etc.
I'm going to go with the 90% of me that thinks DD needs to learn to deal and self-advocate. This could mean talking to the professor directly and calling him out on his behavior. Or perhaps even going into the next class--much calmer--raise her hand and say, "I'd just like to address that comment that was made yesterday about black men...I found the comment to be....(fill in the blank)".
Is she going to transfer a 2nd time WHEN (not "if") she hears another unkind remark?
My knee-jerk reaction? You and your daughter need to get a grip! She's in COLLEGE now and considered an adult. She should not be reporting that she got her feelings hurt by an insensitive comment to Mommy. And Mommy should not be pulling the "MY daughter! My dime!" foolishness that doesn't even go over well when our kids are in HS.
Now might be a good time for DD to learn/DM to teach that the world is filled with crass people who make crass, rude comments that you won't like. Your choices are to:1) GROW UP AND DEAL! Perhaps (learn to) give a snappy comeback and keep it moving. (Angered to the point of shaking????) OR 2)GET A THICKER SKIN.
What happens when she's on the public bus or walking down the street and someone makes a racist comment. Who's she going to report it to?
Then 10% of me thinks Yeah, it's bad enough you'll have to face jerks and their comments in the real world but such comments have no place in certain settings: school, workplace, etc.
I'm going to go with the 90% of me that thinks DD needs to learn to deal and self-advocate. This could mean talking to the professor directly and calling him out on his behavior. Or perhaps even going into the next class--much calmer--raise her hand and say, "I'd just like to address that comment that was made yesterday about black men...I found the comment to be....(fill in the blank)".
Is she going to transfer a 2nd time WHEN (not "if") she hears another unkind remark?
Anonymous
04/24/2014 17:06
Subject: DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
Sorry, maybe it's because I'm exhausted, but I don't get it. Why was this supposed to be funny to some and offensive to others?
Anonymous
04/24/2014 17:00
Subject: Re:DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry that your daughter experience this. If this is one of those good ole boys type of school, then the dean isn't going to do anything. Actually, they may make matters worst for your daughter. I would transfer her to another school if the environment is a completely racist good ole boy system. However, if this is just one isolated incident with one racist professor, then I will report it. Your daughter needs to make sure that she has other professors and people on campus that will advocate for her as well.
What school is this by the way?
OP here. My DD is actually switching schools next year, thankfully. For other reasons, but she doesn't feel that being in a Southern school is a good fit for her.
Don't want to reveal the school, but it's comparable to NC State.
Anonymous
04/24/2014 17:00
Subject: DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
oops ..pardon the typoAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter recently told me about something that happened in class.
There was a discussion about gay marriage and adoption. The Professor said something about how she'd talked with black men about it and many of them objected. A student called out "That's why they're in jail, just send them there."
After the comment, everybody in class started laughing loudly, including the Professor who tried to say "that's not nice" between her laughter.
My daughter was among 3 other black students in the class. She did not speak up (and neither did they), but she says she was VERY upset, angry to the point of shaking. She says she contemplated just walking out of the class and leaving school for the rest of the year.
I am LIVID!! I'm paying exorbitant out of state rates for her to attend a school in the South and I won't tolerate having my daughter subjected to racism ON MY DIME.
My daughter says she doesn't want the teacher to get fired and she wants to remain anonymous. How should I handle?
And ur surpised?
Anonymous
04/24/2014 16:58
Subject: DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the subject of the class, and what was the context of the discussion? I ask because it might inform how your daughter might address the situation (whom she would talk to, what she would say).
This is an English class. She didn't really say what the discussion was about. I'm still unclear about why gay marriage/adoption/black men was a topic of discussion in an Intro English class (DD is a freshman).
Anonymous
04/24/2014 16:58
Subject: DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
Anonymous wrote:My daughter recently told me about something that happened in class.
There was a discussion about gay marriage and adoption. The Professor said something about how she'd talked with black men about it and many of them objected. A student called out "That's why they're in jail, just send them there."
After the comment, everybody in class started laughing loudly, including the Professor who tried to say "that's not nice" between her laughter.
My daughter was among 3 other black students in the class. She did not speak up (and neither did they), but she says she was VERY upset, angry to the point of shaking. She says she contemplated just walking out of the class and leaving school for the rest of the year.
I am LIVID!! I'm paying exorbitant out of state rates for her to attend a school in the South and I won't tolerate having my daughter subjected to racism ON MY DIME.
My daughter says she doesn't want the teacher to get fired and she wants to remain anonymous. How should I handle?
And ur surpised?
Anonymous
04/24/2014 15:53
Subject: Re:DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
I'm so sorry that your daughter experience this. If this is one of those good ole boys type of school, then the dean isn't going to do anything. Actually, they may make matters worst for your daughter. I would transfer her to another school if the environment is a completely racist good ole boy system. However, if this is just one isolated incident with one racist professor, then I will report it. Your daughter needs to make sure that she has other professors and people on campus that will advocate for her as well.
What school is this by the way?
What school is this by the way?
Anonymous
04/24/2014 14:48
Subject: Re:DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
I'm sorry your daughter had to experience that, OP.
Have her contact the dean. I doubt sending an email to the professor will prompt a sincere apology, or even an apology at all. We don't have the full context of the conversation, obviously, but it seemed strange that the professor was even sharing her anecdotal conversations with black men about gay marriage and adoption.
Have her contact the dean. I doubt sending an email to the professor will prompt a sincere apology, or even an apology at all. We don't have the full context of the conversation, obviously, but it seemed strange that the professor was even sharing her anecdotal conversations with black men about gay marriage and adoption.
Anonymous
04/24/2014 14:38
Subject: DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
OP, what is the subject of the class, and what was the context of the discussion? I ask because it might inform how your daughter might address the situation (whom she would talk to, what she would say).
Anonymous
04/24/2014 14:31
Subject: DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
Anonymous wrote:My daughter recently told me about something that happened in class.
There was a discussion about gay marriage and adoption. The Professor said something about how she'd talked with black men about it and many of them objected. A student called out "That's why they're in jail, just send them there."
After the comment, everybody in class started laughing loudly, including the Professor who tried to say "that's not nice" between her laughter.
My daughter was among 3 other black students in the class. She did not speak up (and neither did they), but she says she was VERY upset, angry to the point of shaking. She says she contemplated just walking out of the class and leaving school for the rest of the year.
I am LIVID!! I'm paying exorbitant out of state rates for her to attend a school in the South and I won't tolerate having my daughter subjected to racism ON MY DIME.
My daughter says she doesn't want the teacher to get fired and she wants to remain anonymous. How should I handle?
That is awful.
I am hoping the professor was doing the "nervous laugh bc I don't know how to respond to this" laugh but even still a professor is a role model and a grown up and should have reacted by stonily telling the racist jokester that was an inappropriate comment and telling the students not to laugh.
It is possible the prof is now going over in her head that she should not have done this and wishes she had reacted differently. But, if she was sincerely laughing, that's a huge issue.
I think your daughter needs to complain. But I'm not sure how, or the timing. Let me think....
Anonymous
04/24/2014 14:24
Subject: Re:DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
I think she might want to email the professor and tell how uncomfortable the joke made her feel. If she does get an apology back, she should escalate. Direct confrontation is usually the most effective, in my experience.
I have a very typical Russian name. During the first year, one professor referred to me as "commie", made all sorts of inappropriate jokes (i.e. asked the "mail order bride" to provide an answer), ridiculed Russians and etc. I was not the only one feeling uncomfortable, some other students approached me and apologized on his behalf. I ended up stopping after class and confronting him on his behavior. Can't say he started liking Russians but he stopped mocking me in front of everyone.
I have a very typical Russian name. During the first year, one professor referred to me as "commie", made all sorts of inappropriate jokes (i.e. asked the "mail order bride" to provide an answer), ridiculed Russians and etc. I was not the only one feeling uncomfortable, some other students approached me and apologized on his behalf. I ended up stopping after class and confronting him on his behavior. Can't say he started liking Russians but he stopped mocking me in front of everyone.
Anonymous
04/24/2014 14:15
Subject: DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
I would have her contact the dean, explain what happened, and specify that she wants to remain anonymous so she will not face potential retaliation in the classroom.
Anonymous
04/24/2014 14:08
Subject: DD experienced racism in the classroom. How to handle.
My daughter recently told me about something that happened in class.
There was a discussion about gay marriage and adoption. The Professor said something about how she'd talked with black men about it and many of them objected. A student called out "That's why they're in jail, just send them there."
After the comment, everybody in class started laughing loudly, including the Professor who tried to say "that's not nice" between her laughter.
My daughter was among 3 other black students in the class. She did not speak up (and neither did they), but she says she was VERY upset, angry to the point of shaking. She says she contemplated just walking out of the class and leaving school for the rest of the year.
I am LIVID!! I'm paying exorbitant out of state rates for her to attend a school in the South and I won't tolerate having my daughter subjected to racism ON MY DIME.
My daughter says she doesn't want the teacher to get fired and she wants to remain anonymous. How should I handle?
There was a discussion about gay marriage and adoption. The Professor said something about how she'd talked with black men about it and many of them objected. A student called out "That's why they're in jail, just send them there."
After the comment, everybody in class started laughing loudly, including the Professor who tried to say "that's not nice" between her laughter.
My daughter was among 3 other black students in the class. She did not speak up (and neither did they), but she says she was VERY upset, angry to the point of shaking. She says she contemplated just walking out of the class and leaving school for the rest of the year.
I am LIVID!! I'm paying exorbitant out of state rates for her to attend a school in the South and I won't tolerate having my daughter subjected to racism ON MY DIME.
My daughter says she doesn't want the teacher to get fired and she wants to remain anonymous. How should I handle?