Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I use this line with my kids for a variety of reasons...

Even though you haven't given me a reason to not trust you, I still don't trust you yet. I hope you understand even if you don't agree

Learning how to drive is not easy. It isn't just your stepson you're worried about, its how he will react to every other driver, pedestrian, and bike on the road. Let him know its a big step for you and need time for him to practice as a driver alone before he has the distraction of passengers with him.

It makes me very sad for your children that you have a line you regularly use about not trusting them. IMO this issue isn't about trust at all but skill. There's a very big difference there and for your kids' sake I hope you learn it PP.

I think this is an wakeful line to. How about just "No. You'll have to trust me on this"? Or I say: "it's not you, it's the other drivers I worry about."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I use this line with my kids for a variety of reasons...

Even though you haven't given me a reason to not trust you, I still don't trust you yet. I hope you understand even if you don't agree

Learning how to drive is not easy. It isn't just your stepson you're worried about, its how he will react to every other driver, pedestrian, and bike on the road. Let him know its a big step for you and need time for him to practice as a driver alone before he has the distraction of passengers with him.

It makes me very sad for your children that you have a line you regularly use about not trusting them. IMO this issue isn't about trust at all but skill. There's a very big difference there and for your kids' sake I hope you learn it PP.

Lol. I'm glad your heart weeps for my poor children. I guess I should let my 16 yo son go to his girlfriend's apartment when her mom isn't there? Even though they've done nothing to indicate I shouldn't trust them, its not okay for me to have reservations and honestly tell him about them?

Just curious- how old are your children?

I'd so no first on the theory that older sibs should not be relied on as regular care to younger sibs ever (unless you're welfare-poor single moms or similar). And I have older/younger kids.

Anonymous wrote:OP- I use this line with my kids for a variety of reasons...

Even though you haven't given me a reason to not trust you, I still don't trust you yet. I hope you understand even if you don't agree

Learning how to drive is not easy. It isn't just your stepson you're worried about, its how he will react to every other driver, pedestrian, and bike on the road. Let him know its a big step for you and need time for him to practice as a driver alone before he has the distraction of passengers with him.

It makes me very sad for your children that you have a line you regularly use about not trusting them. IMO this issue isn't about trust at all but skill. There's a very big difference there and for your kids' sake I hope you learn it PP.

Car crashes are the number one accidental death for kids. You aren't being a helicopter parent.

I tell my seven year old son NOW that operating any machine poses a risk. Doesn't mean you can't do it. But it might mean you need to wait to a certain age, get certain training, and have certain restrictions until you master it.

And regardless of skill level, he needs to be smart and responsible about use.

You aren't saying no to your step son and husband, you are just saying not yet.

Oh, OP one last time. I've also shown all the data to DH. There are so many risk factors for DSS to have an accident that we cannot control : gender, experience, cell phone use, etc. But having extra young, passengers is a huge risk factor, so not letting him leave the house with any is safer for him and the rest of the folks on the road!

Really glad for the touchstone on this. I tend to helicopter if not vigilant, so I wanted to reality check my instinct.

OP here. The new driver rules in our state do specifically exclude immediate family. That's actually my ideal resolution of this issue, that DD not be considered immediate family for the purposes of these restrictions. But if he actually has a stellar first six months (no accidents, no tickets, no evidence of phone use, etc) I could see relaxing that in certain circumstances.

Agree with you OP. A new driver is very new. It's a lot of responsibility. If I'm not mistaken, the new driver rule prohibit carrying passengers for a specific amount of time. I'm also sure that that passengers are not defined as family. But the rule was obviously put in place for a reason. Seems to me that it could be applied to family if you wanted it to be.

My 18yr SD is still not allowed to drive her younger siblings. She has a bike. When she takes the kids to the pool or the park, all 3 of them go on their bikes.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm with you 100%. The thought of a brand new driver in the school pick up line is particularly scary.

Having said that, I have never heard of a school that wouldn't allow a 16 year old to pick up. I did lots of afterschool babysitting as a teenager. At the school where I teach there plenty of high school siblings picking up little sisters and brothers. Is this a private school? It seems like an absurd rule.

Yes. It's a private school. The rule is for K-5 but specifically references that sibs are not an exception. Pickup would actually be logistically easier, as she's in aftercare which is a walkup signout. Now, that being said, I've come to realize a lot of these rules aren't enforced, but since pickup is my job, we won't have to worry about that. Besides, with pickup, we run knot sports practices and other logistical issues.

OP, I'm with you 100%. The thought of a brand new driver in the school pick up line is particularly scary.

Having said that, I have never heard of a school that wouldn't allow a 16 year old to pick up. I did lots of afterschool babysitting as a teenager. At the school where I teach there plenty of high school siblings picking up little sisters and brothers. Is this a private school? It seems like an absurd rule.

I totaled my parents car 2 weeks after I got my license through sheer inexperience and fear.

OP- I use this line with my kids for a variety of reasons...

Even though you haven't given me a reason to not trust you, I still don't trust you yet. I hope you understand even if you don't agree

Learning how to drive is not easy. It isn't just your stepson you're worried about, its how he will react to every other driver, pedestrian, and bike on the road. Let him know its a big step for you and need time for him to practice as a driver alone before he has the distraction of passengers with him.

I think your instincts are right. Carpool lanes are an advanced level of driving...

I would say 6 months minimum. My son jus turned 16 and will be getting his license soon. My rationale is distractions for the new driver should be a minimum.

Inspired by the other new driver thread.

How do most folks deal with new drivers and younger siblings? My stepson is getting his license this summer, and my husband (who does all the school drop-offs) is very excited to let him drive his 6 year old sister on our mornings.

I think he needs to prove himself for 6 months, minimum, I'd prefer a year.

My concern is not just his being a new driver, but adding in the distraction of a young child (they still squabble half the time when I'm driving them) plus the annoyance/added degree of difficulty of navigating elementary school carpool. This takes 10-15 minutes at best. My husband drops DSS off a block away from the school, and has been doing so since DSS was about 10, so he hasn't had to deal with it for years.

Ironically, I still have to do all the pickups as the school will not release elementary school kids to minors!