Stop saving so much for college and retirement. You shouldn't be saving at the expense of your mental health, your well-being, your family, and and your marriage. A fully funded college and retirement are not worth that cost. You need to enjoy the life you have now. You have no idea how life will unfold, live the life you have rather than sacrificing it for the life you might have 30 years from now.

We have a lower HHI than you, and more kids and have a great life and lifestyle. You have options to live life differently. Your choices shouldn't be dragging you down.

Do you still like your husband? Did you marry him partially because you envisioned yourself the wife of a law firm partner and now you feel like if you knew he would not have made a lot, you maybe would have kept looking?

I feel this way sometimes (92K for a family of 4).

DH has and never will realize his full earning potential. We have suffered through a long period of unemployment. Our money goes to therapies for our oldest with special needs.

Yet we are so extremely lucky to have our health, for now! Our good friend was recently diagnosed with cancer.

It is a daily mental and philosophical exercise to learn to be content with what you have, at any income level.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:OMG. It's really hard for me to have sympathy for someone whose HHI went from 400K to 150K. We have a great house, two kids and have a HHI of 115K. We never eat out, rarely take vacations unless it's to visit family. Rarely buy new clothes/shoes for ourselves - kids clothes come from thrift stores mostly. But we have a good life and are happy. I do wish we had extra $$ to do some work on our house or visit my family overseas, but we can't right now and that's just the way it is. OP, you really need to prioritize.

clap

clap

clap

My sister and BIL are in a smilier situation. He made mad money during "the boom" (construction loan financing) and for the past 5 years has made 25 percent of his "old" salary. They think that the old 350k years are right around the corner instead of realizing that 1250-150k years will most likely be the bulk of his career. They really resent my husband and I who make close to his old salary but I am a CNA and my husband is a physician (i.e.: more stable career choices) and when they say things like "wait you could be making 1/5 of your salary next year" I just role my eyes. So I guess I am curious whether your DH fell into good money and those years are long gone or if he somehow lapsed into a low paying position but will likely be making a move into a higher paying position at some point? Because if not the later you might as well just adjust not.

OMG. It's really hard for me to have sympathy for someone whose HHI went from 400K to 150K. We have a great house, two kids and have a HHI of 115K. We never eat out, rarely take vacations unless it's to visit family. Rarely buy new clothes/shoes for ourselves - kids clothes come from thrift stores mostly. But we have a good life and are happy. I do wish we had extra $$ to do some work on our house or visit my family overseas, but we can't right now and that's just the way it is. OP, you really need to prioritize.

If it makes you feel better, at least you have the husband! I don't, so I'm trying to raise my daughter in an expensive area on less than $100K salary. And no time/money to date since I have primary (most days) custody.) Most of my friends are either married with kids and pretty well-off or single and child-free and pretty well-off. I don't get to do much either.

Feel better? It could be worse. And this could be temporary. Try to see it as a phase on the way to better things.

He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment

Try to get out of this area, which has become a competitive hellhole. It keeps people from counting their blessings and causes them only to see the ways in which they don't measure up to others.

Anonymous wrote:What job did he lose, was it one that was realistic or something else like bubble related.

Point being, was this just a passing job that was not realistic and not totally around? if so it wasn't real and don't base your life around it.

Anonymous wrote:Stop nagging him and appreciate what you have. Each other, good health, a child.

This. Stop gold digging and live your life.

What job did he lose, was it one that was realistic or something else like bubble related.

How much is your mortgage and day care? Must be a lot. We are at a lower HHI and are in a similar position, but I don't really feel this way.

Stop nagging him and appreciate what you have. Each other, good health, a child.

When dh and I got married he has an extremely lucrative job. Lost the job and now is making about 1/4 his salary from before. I also work ft. Hopes of him getting a better job are slim, maybe in the future. I nag him to apply and network. He resents me. Our quality of life has just changed so much. We have no money to do anything fun like eat at a restaurant or take a weekend away. All our money goes to a reasonable mortgage and day care. Can't have a second kid because we can't afford 2 kids in daycare. Just depressed seeing all my other friends have more successful spouses, babies, trips, nice houses. Just depressed. I know it's pathetic and I need to be happy. But we went from a hhi of 400k to around 150k. All my expectations that we talk about, just an easier path, are poof. I sound terrible but I am just really sad. I am thankful for being able to still afford our house etc. but just so depressed. Vent over, go ahead an berate me.