Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's really all that complicated. I have faith in my kids. I love them like crazy but I don't expect the rest of the world to. I think they will do relatively well and be relatively happy. But I am not a super driven career person, so maybe that's why I don't get the anxiety you are referring to.

Omg, did I write this? My sentiments, exactly.

I also don't think it's my job to make my kids happy. It's my job to provide a safe, secure, and loving environment. It's their job to figure out what makes them happy.

Anonymous wrote:All you need is a kid who recently faced a fatal diagnosis to stop caring about much besides health and basic contentment. Every night I get to tuck him in is bliss for me.

Ugh, I'm sorry.

Or one with special needs... when you might yearn for your child to be average and fit in!

Hey the sun is shining, the kids are happy with practically no homework. Life is good.

All you need is a kid who recently faced a fatal diagnosis to stop caring about much besides health and basic contentment. Every night I get to tuck him in is bliss for me.

All you need is to have a child with depression to understand why happiness is so much more important that achievements.

Happiness isn't something you create for others. You give them the skills, the beliefs, the values and the attitudes that allow them to be successful in their environment and to be able to cope with the ups and downs of life. You teach them contentment and how happiness is unrelated to wealth, success or achievement. That it is about being, not doing. Then it is up to them to learn to be happy in the life they are living and to make the choices and decisions that bring them happiness. Adolescence is more a time of growth and conflict than it is a time of happiness. It is about developing identity and independence. About being resilient and learning compassion and perspective. it is more the metamorphosis stage and not necessarily the butterfly stage. It is setting the foundation for the years ahead. each person has to create happiness for themselves. I actually tell my kids that happiness is just an emotion - it comes and goes and it isn't good to have a goal of happiness. It is okay to not be happy. It is far better to strive to be content and to appreciate life, and within that life will be moments of happiness.

I don't think it's really all that complicated. I have faith in my kids. I love them like crazy but I don't expect the rest of the world to. I think they will do relatively well and be relatively happy. But I am not a super driven career person, so maybe that's why I don't get the anxiety you are referring to.

I've heard many moms say they want their kids to be happy. Perhaps in the DC area, parents want their kid to be "the best" - whatever that is - maybe the top in the class, best flutist, best basketball player....
Here's an 18 minute thought-provoking video.

The parenting section of the bookstore is overwhelming—it's "a giant, candy-colored monument to our collective panic," as writer Jennifer Senior puts it. Why is parenthood filled with so much anxiety? Because the goal of modern, middle-class parents—to raise happy children—is so elusive. In this honest talk, she offers some kinder and more achievable aims.

https://www.ted.com/talks/jennifer_senior_for_parents_happiness_is_a_very_high_bar#t-570281