Cut-off is silly and just plays into the desired drama. Just be cordial. Don't put up with any more rudeness than you would from a neighbor. Make sure in any situation with them present, you could excuse yourself and leave if necessary.

DH cut his mom off because she had mental illness that she refused to get treatment for and was therefore emotionally abusive to him and both physically and emotionally abusive to his sister. He emailed her and told her that he wanted nothing to do with her any longer. She was incredibly hurt, sent a number of emails and called him constantly for a little while, but then backed off. Why would a stranger inquire about your family? When we talk about her, we just say we're not close with her and end it at that. DH does feel guilty since our kids won't have a relationship with her.

My BIL cut off everyone from his family about 20 years ago. He was an alcoholic and blamed his mother for cheating on his dad and the ensuing divorce. (FIL was no angel, he was abusive. She left him after 27 years of marriage.) BIL didn't tell any of his friends he was even married. He committed suicide and his co-workers were surprised when family members showed up to take care of the funeral etc.

You don't have to explain anything to strangers.

I don't speak with my parents anymore unless I have to. It is very painful and my choice so I live with it. They are toxic and judgmental. I don't need that kind of drama in my life.

I cut off my mother, years after I should have really, and everyone else in the family voluntarily went with her (not my choice). I never discuss my family.

I have a sibling I cut off, alcoholic. If somebody asks, I say, we are not that close. Why? He's an alcoholic.

My father was very judgemental toward my life choices.
I finally told him that until he could stay out of my personal business and have respect for my choices, I had no interest in having a relationship. We didn't speak for 6 months. He finally called me and outlet relationship has been fantastic ever since.

My parents and I were "cut off" by my brother. It was the most painful thing my parents or myself have ever been through. We were cut off due largely due to pressure from his fiancee / wife. The marriage lasted 1 year, but we were cut off for an additional 3 years, so in total, it was about 4 years where he would not speak with us or be in the same room. We've been reconciled for about 10 years now, thankfully.

Anonymous wrote:By cut off, do you mean that you intend to never speak to your sibling or parent again, refuse to be in the same room with them, etc? Or do you mean you'll only speak to them at larger family functions and even then, keep it to pleasantries and otherwise not engage? If it's the former, be careful because you can inadvertently punish the wrong people by making it so awkward that now there can never be a family Christmas celebration again, no 80th birthday party for granny - every thing has to be split up and duplicated. It's like a really ugly divorce never ends.

If you're able to make do with the later, I think the other family members you do want to be on good terms with will really appreciate your maturity.

It'll end eventually. One or the other of the people will die first.

Keep trying to cut off ILs.

I've cut off my sister. She's always been a toxic, jealous witch and I'm so much more relaxed without dealing with her. Unfortunately my parents still pretend everything is wonderful, but they're much of the reason she turned out that way. They're on low contact. Most people don't even know I have a sister because I rarely speak of her, and rarely did even when we we technically speaking.

I've cut off my parents for the most part. We have a very superficial relationship. I basically never call them. They call me maybe once a month and I rarely talk with them long.

If strangers ask me about my family I don't answer because they're strangers. If people who don't know me well ask if I'm close with my family I say "My friends are my family," because I have great, supportive friends.

By cut off, do you mean that you intend to never speak to your sibling or parent again, refuse to be in the same room with them, etc? Or do you mean you'll only speak to them at larger family functions and even then, keep it to pleasantries and otherwise not engage? If it's the former, be careful because you can inadvertently punish the wrong people by making it so awkward that now there can never be a family Christmas celebration again, no 80th birthday party for granny - every thing has to be split up and duplicated. It's like a really ugly divorce never ends.

If you're able to make do with the later, I think the other family members you do want to be on good terms with will really appreciate your maturity.

I've cut off one of my brothers. They lie, they manipulate, they are not violent, but they have psychopathic tendencies.

When strangers ask, I tell them I have two brothers and two sisters. When they ask if I'm close with them, I say "most of them."

Initially I felt guilty, but when it became more and more apparent that they were not interested in changing, I became more and more comfortable with my decision being the right one.

Have you cut off a parent or siblings? Do you feel guilty? What do you do when strangers ask you about your family?