Anonymous wrote:This is a nasty move but is there something embarrassing but not that private that DH told you? Like his chronic hemmaroid problem? Needs prescription deodorant bc he has bad BO? Tell MIL and watch it spread thru the family rumor mill. I think DH will see the light then.

+1000

I would tell DH that if he doesn't put a stop to it, you are going to mention to MIL that you think he has E.D.

(Or some other embarrassing issue.) Think he wants that broad casted to his whole family and wants them to give him advice?

OR you can just say to DH that if he isn't man enough to stick up for you and set boundaries, it's over. I know that seems harsh, but your Marriage is personal, between the two of you, not anybody else's business.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I have one of these in my family but its my SIL.
She does it under guise of just "updating family", but really its so she can be a judgemental cow.

I have been told by close family friends (who are also judgemental busy bodies) that they really hope my DH and I can save enough to move out of our tiny one bedroom condo. These people have never been to my house - so where did they hear that from? Hmmm? SIL told them.
Said SIL was also the one who upon seeing someone's new huge bathroom at their first family dinner said infront of everyone - well OP, you entire place would fit in here!

These are all people who are impressed by what job you do and how big your house is. I am sick of them.

I find the best thing is to avoid seeing them, and when we do see them, our lives are great is the main line of the day.

Me too! My SIL is exactly this way. She uses personal information about other people (family or otherwise) as social fodder, so that she's always the center of attention in conversations because she has juicy info to share. And she has no respect for boundaries or personal information. When this started (she wasn't always this way - was very shy growing up, but in her early twenties "came out of her shell" by using other people's information to advance her own social objectives), my husband and I were floored, and immediately withdrew. We still hang out, but do not share personal information that we wouldn't want passed on. It makes for very shallow chatting, but works for us. I was really frank with my husband about it at the beginning, just said I was no longer sharing personal information with her because of how she uses it, and he agreed, so it was easy as a united front. The other thing with her is that she's very competitive with me, so she'd want to know everything I ever bought, so that she could buy it too. She literally has tons of shoes and clothes that are identical to mine (she'd ask where I bought them, and go out to buy the same ones ) and even bought my favorite car (one that I could not afford, but that she knew I loved ) and bought a house very similar to ours, when previously that had not been her style at all ( ) - very single white female. Anyway, we just stopped sharing info about anything, and it created major awkwardness for awhile, but we reached a new normal and have a nice civil relationship with her, wherein we are very careful what we share.

Talk to your husband yourself. WHy would you ask your BIL to? I don't understand that. And it sounds like your DH might be a big mouth also, so you have to specifically say to your DH what NOT to tell his mom, because some big mouths are clueless.

This is a nasty move but is there something embarrassing but not that private that DH told you? Like his chronic hemmaroid problem? Needs prescription deodorant bc he has bad BO? Tell MIL and watch it spread thru the family rumor mill. I think DH will see the light then.

Your husband has a big mouth.

Ugh, I have one of these in my family but its my SIL.
She does it under guise of just "updating family", but really its so she can be a judgemental cow.

I have been told by close family friends (who are also judgemental busy bodies) that they really hope my DH and I can save enough to move out of our tiny one bedroom condo. These people have never been to my house - so where did they hear that from? Hmmm? SIL told them.
Said SIL was also the one who upon seeing someone's new huge bathroom at their first family dinner said infront of everyone - well OP, you entire place would fit in here!

These are all people who are impressed by what job you do and how big your house is. I am sick of them.

I find the best thing is to avoid seeing them, and when we do see them, our lives are great is the main line of the day.

Anonymous wrote:Next thing you know, my SIL (a teacher) is asking us if we have any concerns about our DD's behavior, b/c she has been told a truly tall tale. Our DD's "issue" is so minor that it is silly to call it an "issue."

Does your DH see that this is the result of his telling his mom about it? If not, have you pointed it out to him?

I had an issue with this with my MIL. I finally addressed it directly with her (after she shared details of my physical status in a prenatal visit with about 40 people most of whom I didn't know.

I talked to her very directly and told her that I felt very uncomfortable with personal details being shared without my knowledge or control. I asked her not to share any information without checking with me first and gave her very clear directions about what details I was comfortable with being more public.

FWIW, she reacted to it very well - never meant to offend me, etc... And I learned to be extremely clear when sharing information - this is for family, this can be shared widely, this is deeply personal and only for you and DH, etc...

I'm a big believer in my husband handling his people and my handling mine, but sometimes I just have to handle it directly for it to be effectively managed. (And my husband was ok with me having this conversation of course.)

Anonymous wrote:Tell him if you can't count on him to keep confidences that it will leave you no choice but to not share things with him.

Ditto. MIL is the motor mouth Western Union of the family. DH couldn't keep his mouth shut with her, so it ended up that we had very little to talk about. His choice.

We have one of these in my family, but his avenue is Facebook. He posted something like "Please pray for Uncle John. He has cancer." Uncle John hadn't even told his own mother yet, but Uncle John's wife told her whole family and he ran his mouth. Due to this, that entire family does not know that I have cancer. It's dinner conversation with the other side of the family though.

I'd break it down to MIL. If she can't shut her face, she won't be a part of your daily life.

YOU talk to your husband.

"I need a favor from you: when I ask you not to share something with your mom, I need you to honor that. Can you do that for me?"

Then you need to be clear with him. "Please do not share Larla's incident at school with your mom."

If he says, "I don't get it. What's the big deal? She's just family," respond with, "I know your mom loves us and loves Larla. I'm not questioning that. What's important is that Larla's privacy and dignity are preserved. Last month, your mom questioned her at length and then shared it with others. That's not okay."

Tell him if you can't count on him to keep confidences that it will leave you no choice but to not share things with him.

My MIL is a lovely, well-meaning woman, but she knows no boundaries. My MIL truly feels like she is simply updating the family on what everyone else is up to, but she does not understand line-drawing. My BIL knows this and, for that reason, told me that he and his wife purposefully avoid any topic that they don't want repeated. I asked my BIL to talk with my husband (his brother) about not discussing any "sensitive" topics with my MIL, but my BIL did not get the chance. My DH gets really defensive when I ask him not to discuss family issues with his parents, but I need to do/say something - any suggestions?

Otherwise, our family life (no matter how mundane) becomes front-page news and is blown out of proportion. Right now, we are working through an extremely minor (in the grand scheme of thngs) issue with our DD. I really did not want anyone to discuss it, in part, b/c I don't want it getting back to our DD. I hear my DH mentioning it in passing to his parents, and next thing I know, his mom is asking hundreds of questions, comparing our DD to her nieces, and then drilling our DD about the incident. Next thing you know, my SIL (a teacher) is asking us if we have any concerns about our DD's behavior, b/c she has been told a truly tall tale. Our DD's "issue" is so minor that it is silly to call it an "issue."

In sum, how do I get my DH not to talk to his mom about our kids unless it is to talk about something totally innocuous? (like what they wore to school).