Anonymous wrote:I think with any grief and loss, it is more important to be present and listen. Don't talk. Don't offer solutions. Pick up some groceries or help around the house if she needs stuff like that. But don't try to fix her grief, just be there for her.

+1

Ask her what she needs, and if it's something you can provide, do that.

I took my friend when she and I were both 16. It was more than half my life ago, but I remember everything about that day. It was hard for me in many ways, and I needed someone to talk to afterward - but didn't have anyone I could discuss it with. Seek someone out to talk with if you need it for yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get off your phone and dcum and be there and present for your friend.

Yes, hold her hand. Give her a hug.

Seriously. Just sit there quietly and be present. WTF, OP.

I posted when she was in the bathroom (pretty sure she got up to cry), and now she is in with the doctor. Thanks for your well-intentioned advice, though.

I wish someone would have shown me the other alternatives. Told me I didn't have to do this and helped me find resources. I was 18, my parents were not supportive. My boyfriend (at the time) was not supportive. I had $75 to my name (boyfriend paid for the abortion) and had just started a new job at a grocery store bagging groceries. I happened to have a Saturday off (pretty rare in the grocery business for a new hire) and worked just a few hours Friday morning, so I was able to schedule the procedure for Friday afternoon...then it was back to work on Sunday.

Anonymous wrote:Get off your phone and dcum and be there and present for your friend.

Yes, hold her hand. Give her a hug.

Seriously. Just sit there quietly and be present. WTF, OP.

OP, grow a spine and tell your friend to run out of that hell hole.

Maybe now is not the time for talking. What a friend pointed out to me, which was so true, was that when women have abortions, they are made to feel so guilty by society that they have to get defensive, and doesn't leave emotional space to be properly sad, and to mourn.

This is a sad situation. It's okay for your friend to be sad. You don't have to make it better; just give her the emotional space to have her sad time.

Get off your phone and dcum and be there and present for your friend.

Yes, hold her hand. Give her a hug.

OP here. As painful as the situation is, I personally think she is making the right choice for herself, for the fetus in question, and for her future family. I would fully support her if she thought there was another way, but it is her choice -- one she has agonized over -- and it is not my place to talk her out of it.

We are at the appointment right now. I have just been keeping quiet because I feel like if I say anything or try to give her a hug or hold her hand she will burst into tears.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would someone do this if they didn't want to. Makes no sense.

You are asking a strange question. It happens to lots of people, pressure from spouse, parents, society can be intense. The child may not be healthy. I would talk my friend out of it if they did not want to do it.

You would try to talk a friend our of an abortion for this? Even if it's on the advice of her doctors? What's your medical specialty?

Anonymous wrote:Why would someone do this if they didn't want to. Makes no sense.

You are asking a strange question. It happens to lots of people, pressure from spouse, parents, society can be intense. The child may not be healthy. I would talk my friend out of it if they did not want to do it.

Why would someone do this if they didn't want to. Makes no sense.

Is she having it because someone is forcing or coercing her or is she having it because she knows she cannot, for whatever reason, have a baby right now? If it's the first, I'd be talking to some sort of support services, if it's the second, I'd echo what the other posters have said.

I think with any grief and loss, it is more important to be present and listen. Don't talk. Don't offer solutions. Pick up some groceries or help around the house if she needs stuff like that. But don't try to fix her grief, just be there for her.

Anonymous wrote:How could someone have supported you best on the day of the procedure? I am accompanying a friend today and she is already racked with guilt and she hasn't even gone through it yet. How do I support her? What would have helped you?

I'm sorry OP, just hold her closely and let her cry.

Fwiw I didn't have the abortion, but appreciated good friends like you who were there for me.

How could someone have supported you best on the day of the procedure? I am accompanying a friend today and she is already racked with guilt and she hasn't even gone through it yet. How do I support her? What would have helped you?