Anonymous wrote:She's 70 and will not live forever. Pick your battles, look forward to her funeral and save these stories about her to tell your DC.

Ha! Those kind of b***ches live forever! 85 and still going strong...

You can't change her, but you can change the way you react to her. Don't worry about how others will react; it's not going to take them long to clue in to the kind of person she is. I doubt anyone takes her too seriously.

It's not about finding a way to change her, Rule your life. You can do it with quiet assertiveness.

I don't believe this story at all.

Are you her doctor? Why does she need to refer to you as "Dr"? I've never understood this.

Ignore her. She is very old and does not have many more years on this earth. Seriously, that is exactly how I deal with obnoxious people who are old. I keep thinking that they do not have many years left.

She has no say in the christening gown and she has no right to take over your own. Period. Stand up for yourself and stop this nonsense.

She's 70 and will not live forever. Pick your battles, look forward to her funeral and save these stories about her to tell your DC.

I don't understand why you have any conversation with her at all if she is like this. Send her the invitation. Why are you discussing the christening gown with her? You obviously aren't going to have a warm relationship with her and your husband is no help, start your boundary setting now. My MIL is nowhere near as bad as yours, but she drives me batsh*t crazy. She also lives within a 40 minute drive. I see her maybe 4 times per year and talk on the phone to her maybe 1 or 2 times per year.

Some rules to live by from now on:

1. Do not discuss personal things with her. If you don't talk about the christening gown, she can't criticize your choice. If she does criticize, ignore it.

2. She is old and more formal. So what. My mom is the same way. Insists on addressing mail to me as Mrs. Husband's First Name and Last Name. I never changed my name. I have been married for 15 plus years and my husband introduces me as wife First Name Birth Name. Whatever. My grandmother and aunts do the same thing. If it bugs you that much, correct her every single time. "Mrs. Smith, again, I am a physician. Accordingly, the proper form of address is Dr. Smith."

3. She wants to stay at your house spread out her crap every where. Either sack up and tell her to stay at a hotel or and go stay in one yourself. If I were you, I would book a room at a hotel with my parents and siblings and leave your husband with the baby and his mother. The key to making this work is to not express any anger at your husband over this.

Husband: "What?! Why are you going to a hotel?"
You: (Puzzled) "Well, Marty, I told you and your mother that I preferred for her to stay at a hotel given all the conflict we experienced during her last visit. You were very clear that you did not want to raise this issue with her which I totally understand. I am not going to spend the weekend on eggshells around her and she isn't coming to see me. She is coming to see the baby and you so this way, she gets exactly what she wants so she will be thrilled. And I am going to get a couple of nights of sleep and some quality time with my family. Win win!"

Except the loser will be your husband since he will be stuck dealing with his mother and the baby. Maybe next time he will think twice about not putting his family first if he is on the front lines experiencing discomfort.

4. If your parents think she is so awful, why do they have any contact with her? That's on them.

5. If she says offensive things, either confront her every time or stop complaining. Unless you got married without meeting her, you knew what she was like when you got married so this isn't a surprise.

Who cares what she says or thinks? You don't have to listen to her.

Is this for real? Grow a pair and tell her where to shove her needlepoint and christening gown. Do you know that you are in charge of your own life? WTF!

You and your husband could learn about healthy boundaries without all your hostility.

After all that, I didn't read what your Dhs view/position is. Clearly that's the go-to answer here. He must deal with her. You must have tried this before coming to DCUM. How did that go?

Hotel. And why does your DH allow her to take over your home??? I would seriously limit interactions b

My son is getting baptized next month and I'm dreading interacting with her. She is a very "old"
70 year old: doesn't have a cell phone or email, I call her by her formal last name as she said requested of me and my brother in law, she is very opinionated (cards need to be addressed to Mrs. Husbands last name rather than a female's name, refers to me as Mrs. Even though I'm a doctor, insists on us using her family things even though I had a dress made out of my wedding dress and my family also has a christening gown, criticizes how we are renovating our 100 year old house). She is also extremely racist and classist. She is very wealthy and was a SAHM, had a full time nanny and domestic help, a night nurse for six weeks with both children so she criticizes me wanting to spend a lot of time with my kids, working full time (makes comments that my husband and I could stay at home if we didn't do X). She also takes on huge projects at our house and doesn't complete them, takes over our living room with needlework projects and keeps the bathroom a mess to the point my parents and brother are staying at a hotel. I'm about as green as you come with recycling, cloth diapers , etc. and she will make comments about us using things she doesn't a include as green.

My parents have really only met her at our wedding but they talk frequently by phone. My dad thinks she is the worst. My parents do not have the dominant personality she has and she ruled the conversation and tried to take over. I'm sick of listening to her talk about the civil war and refer to me and my family as Yankees and I won't even tell you what she refers to people of color. She is an educated woman who has traveled extensively abroad but so closed minded. I'm afraid she will offend family and guests and reflect poorly on us. Her husband is a wet blanket so no use intervening through him. She gets her way. My husbands friends families despise her and despite having social status she is not popular but thinks she is and also thinks that we are best friends.

I asked my husband to request that everyone stay at a hotel and she told me I was rude. My own parents and siblings are also staying at a hotel. She criticized our baptism invites as I used informal wording. ( first names rather than Mr. And Mrs.) as we are having an informal party after the ceremony.

Besides drinking heavily, how do I deal with this woman? It's causing me so much anxiety. She us very hands off with all her grandchildren probably because she was raised by a nanny.