meant: you better NOT be dependent on them for anything.

I don't know why you would involve yourself. Seriously. I'd evaluate why YOU have a need to keep them in your life. Why not be cordial? Treat like a neighbor. You are not dependent on them for anything, I assume - you better be.

I was just reading an article on some twins that tried this because their relationship had disintegrated (but for them it did not seem productive).

I think individual therapy will help you accomplish this.

One of my siblings is a compulsive liar and manipulator.

Some time ago, I tried "family therapy" with them to try and repair our relationship, but it was plainly evident that had not worked on their issues, and our sessions were filled with more of the same. For me, the experience served to confirm that this was not a person to keep in my life. Therapy can be a platform to explore what direction to take things, but it doesn't mean relationships can be fixed if people are not willing to change.

A couple years later, and I'm glad that I tried. But I'm also relieved to not count on that family member anymore.

Thanks for your input. I am getting clearer and stronger about what my own boundaries are. If others don't have the same, they should try to establish their own. We are all adults who know how to pick up a phone and find a therapist, right? Again, I'm grappling with a helpful way to communicate without causing more family discord.

BTW, I'm not saying that therapy is meaningless or worthless. Far from it. I'm just saying that it's a lot of work and it's not some magical place where your point of view gets validated and you are given boundaries. You set them.

You can only change yourself, OP. Many people go into "couples therapy" because they hope the other person will change, get better, have better boundaries, or because of a wish that the therapist will validate their side of the story, somehow side with them, see the toxic spouse/sibling for who she really is, see how bad they have always had it. That's not what happens. It's going to be up to you to talk about your feelings and you are going to get the same crap in return you have always gotten and you are going to experience the same feelings of frustration and rage you have always felt. Is that going to be something you want?

Anonymous wrote:My aunts did family therapy, which might be what you are thinking of. If your sister was willing, it might be helpful for the two of you to do family counseling to learn to deal more constructively with your mom. But individual therapy is probably also a good idea, so that you can resolve your own issues with your mother, too.

OP here. Yes, I think of it as a type of "family therapy". Of course I have to establish my own boundaries, I'm just looking for a way to "manage conversations" so our own relationship stays intact during a stressful time. Thanks for your input.

My aunts did family therapy, which might be what you are thinking of. If your sister was willing, it might be helpful for the two of you to do family counseling to learn to deal more constructively with your mom. But individual therapy is probably also a good idea, so that you can resolve your own issues with your mother, too.

Anonymous wrote:I think you should do individual therapy to learn how to establish your own boundaries in this situation. In fact, the idea that you would consider "couples" therapy with a sibling suggests that you might benefit from help in drawing clearer boundaries for yourself.

+1000

thread done.

I think you should do individual therapy to learn how to establish your own boundaries in this situation. In fact, the idea that you would consider "couples" therapy with a sibling suggests that you might benefit from help in drawing clearer boundaries for yourself.

Very toxic mother - my sister has non-existent boundaries - I think she is enabling abuse. I don't know even how to talk about it in a meaningful helpful way. Is this an "out-there" idea? Not much on google.

Thanks.