Everyone here seems to be accepting. That's not the case in my conservative religious family.

Anonymous wrote:How does a 13 year old know what they are? It's one thing to find one or the other sex "attractive", it's another to be having sex with them...

Sexual orientation also involves affectional orientation. It's more than just who you're having sex with (or not having sex with, in this case).

Anonymous wrote:Dd was all over the place in her self-definition growing up (in this order: straight, bi, lesbian, bi, lesbian) but now in her 20s says she is definitely a lesbian. It's best to remain open, to listen, and to realize that your kid may or may not go from point A to point B in short order. While some kids know from an early age, other kids take awhile. But that's okay, that's what growing up is all about.

Pp again. I should add that dh and I are very pro-gay rights and have gay friends. I guess I expected that a child of ours would just know who they are and feel free to express that because of us. Ha ha, was I wrong about that! I learned that, at that age, peers have a lot more influence than parents. Boy was that humbling.

Dd was all over the place in her self-definition growing up (in this order: straight, bi, lesbian, bi, lesbian) but now in her 20s says she is definitely a lesbian. It's best to remain open, to listen, and to realize that your kid may or may not go from point A to point B in short order. While some kids know from an early age, other kids take awhile. But that's okay, that's what growing up is all about.

Even if they aren't sure, it's ok. I focus on telling my kids about the importance of healthy relationships. Friendships, romances, or otherwise. I tell my kids to pick someone who is kind, and to be kind to them. The actual sex of their partners is secondary.

I always knew that I liked women as far back as middle school. I have tried to date guys, but it feels weird. I keep telling myself that I am bi, but I like having relationships with women more. Plus I haven't been in love with a guy nor do I have any male crushes. I haven't had any since 18. So yes, it is possible to know at 12 or 13

Anonymous wrote:How does a 13 year old know what they are? It's one thing to find one or the other sex "attractive", it's another to be having sex with them...

That's exactly it. Having a sexual orientation does not mean that you're having sex. At what age did you start looking at boys or girls? I'll go out on a limb and guess that your first "crush" was right around 13. So if a boy's first crush is another boy, yeah, it doesn't take long to figure out he's gay. People can choose who they have sex with and/or marry. But I don't believe you can choose who you are attracted to. I never made a conscious decision to be attracted to women and I doubt that gay men or women decide they want to be attracted to other men or women.

I think some kids are honestly just confused and not sure of their sexuality. Most experts agree it is a continuum and can change at different times in a person's life. I think some kids think it is "cool" to identify as bi or gay, just as a form of self expression.

9:42 here. Well, that's exactly my concern, I don't see how a kid that age could know. But OTOH, this is something that she has communicated that she feels strongly about and is very important to her. And I have asked friends who are gay/bi and they have all said that as young as MS, they knew at least to some degree how they felt. And many of them said that MS was when they first started experimentation at sleepovers, etc. So as her parents, we have told her that we love her, but she is young and doesn't need to have this all figured out right now.

How does a 13 year old know what they are? It's one thing to find one or the other sex "attractive", it's another to be having sex with them...

My DD recently came out to us as bi. We totally support her and told her that. My concern is that she is so young (13) and is struggling socially, so I almost wonder if she is trying to find a social niche. Another friend of hers also recently came out. Her therapist (who she was already seeing for other issues) also feels like this could be the case. But we all agree that we continue to tell her we love her and support her no matter what.

Our son is 16 and he is straight, he's had a gf for 4 years now. Our daughter is 14 and I suspect she may be gay. My wife disagrees but I think my gaydar is a little more finely tuned. Either way, it doesn't matter to us. I never had any illusions of controlling who they're attracted to. My niece recently came out as bi. It was a little tough for my brother (his step-daughter) but he's trying to be supportive and positive. He was very uncomfortable at a gay pride parade but kudos to him for going with- at her request- and pushing himself outside of his comfort zone.

don't you kinda now deep down? I honestly wouldn't be surprised if my oldest ever comes out - but he's just a tween now. I'd like to think not much would change. But, we live in DC so I think me and my kids are use to all kinds of families.

My sister is. My parents had a hard time initially. Couldn't believe it. Mom thought she might be able to get her to "convert" back for the first year or so. They always offered full love. It has been ten years, but sister hasn't brought anyone around.

Just curious. How did you handle them coming out to you? How is your relationship with them?