Anonymous wrote:Pp who does not count their childhood house as "home". That is super weird to me. I cannot relate at all to being offended by this term.

Nope. Home is where you currently live. With your family. My parent's home is not mine! In fact, they moved after I graduated so I've never lived there. DH occasionally calls his parents house "home" and it drives me insane. I am his family, not his parents. They became "extended family" once we got married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that you need to be clear with your no. Clear and kind: "Mom, I'm so glad you want us to come, and I'm sorry to miss it with my sister coming too, but it's just not going to work for us to come."

Stop listing off all the reasons.

Perfect.

My parents do this too. I have my own home with my husband and baby and it unnerves me when they refer to the house I grew up in as "home" as if my life now is just a make-believe game.

After being married for several years and living in my own home, I still sometimes refer to my parents house as "home." Nothing wrong with that.

We wish we could go for Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc but we simply can't.

We go for Christmas and for a visit during the summer. They come to us once a year (usually around April or May).

Anonymous wrote:Op I've been in your shoes, esp regarding easter (my suspicion is that mom feels a little extra sad that I'm not doing the church thing much anymore), so I get what you're saying and don't think you're unreasonable at all to feel that way. I get frustrated on the nagging to visit until I think of the tables turning and my daughter not coming 'home' for a holiday or not being able to spend it with her. I hope I can be happy for her having a family and a life apart from me (and she's only two so we have a long way to go!) But think about it that way. Your mom loves you and wants you around. She won't be here forever. If you can't make it, that's totally understandable but maybe send her a special letter or something so she doesn't feel like she's lost out to convenience or the cat.

This. Think how you feel about your own kids, and know that your parents likely felt similarly about you. They may also have thought it would be fun to have Easter with the grandchildren.

Why not say no and then immediately plan a visit where your parents come to you? Do they have trouble traveling? 7 hours is a big effort, so I get why it seems tiring, especially doing it as a solo parent.

Pp who does not count their childhood house as "home". That is super weird to me. I cannot relate at all to being offended by this term.

Op I've been in your shoes, esp regarding easter (my suspicion is that mom feels a little extra sad that I'm not doing the church thing much anymore), so I get what you're saying and don't think you're unreasonable at all to feel that way. I get frustrated on the nagging to visit until I think of the tables turning and my daughter not coming 'home' for a holiday or not being able to spend it with her. I hope I can be happy for her having a family and a life apart from me (and she's only two so we have a long way to go!) But think about it that way. Your mom loves you and wants you around. She won't be here forever. If you can't make it, that's totally understandable but maybe send her a special letter or something so she doesn't feel like she's lost out to convenience or the cat.

I say this as I am an older person, it's nice for me to be able to plan. If you aren't coming, I'll feel a little sad but I'll make my peace with it and I'll look forward to what I know will happen. If you say it's a maybe or I think I might be able to talk you into it, I'll try to, and that's just more angst.

^ yes. Say exactly what you mean. "probably", "may not be able to" never use these phrases unless you are open to changing your mind. Otherwise you are part of the problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that you need to be clear with your no. Clear and kind: "Mom, I'm so glad you want us to come, and I'm sorry to miss it with my sister coming too, but it's just not going to work for us to come."

Stop listing off all the reasons.

Perfect.

My parents do this too. I have my own home with my husband and baby and it unnerves me when they refer to the house I grew up in as "home" as if my life now is just a make-believe game.

My inlaws are like this. You can't say, "it probably won't work for us to come then." You must say, we cannot make it. Period.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that you need to be clear with your no. Clear and kind: "Mom, I'm so glad you want us to come, and I'm sorry to miss it with my sister coming too, but it's just not going to work for us to come."

Stop listing off all the reasons.

Perfect.

My parents do this too. I have my own home with my husband and baby and it unnerves me when they refer to the house I grew up in as "home" as if my life now is just a make-believe game.

I agree that you need to be clear with your no. Clear and kind: "Mom, I'm so glad you want us to come, and I'm sorry to miss it with my sister coming too, but it's just not going to work for us to come."

Stop listing off all the reasons.

You need to give a clear answer. You're just hinting at why it would be difficult, so of course your mother is continuing to pressure.

You need to put on your big girl panties, call your mom and say "Mom, I really wish we could come for Easter, but it's just not going to work this year. I'm sorry, but we won't make it. We'll see you in July though, and I'll miss your [insert special Easter thing she does here]."

Be direct.

7 hours is a lot, and two trips the weekends before is a lot. I completely understand not wanting to make the trip.

On the other hand, if your kids travel well, and with your husband out of town and your sister there, it might be a nice family weekend.

Oh, and think about it isn't guilt tripping. They are allowed to be disappointed you can't come.

Just say no. You have trips planned, you have to manage your nuclear family life responsibly, it would just be too much.

You need to let yourself off the guilt trip train - no one else really can.

Good luck.

My mother has asked me, numerous times now, if I plan to come "home" for Easter. My folks live about 7 hrs away by car, flights tend to be expensive and inconvenient. My husband will be out of town, so it would just be me making the drive. On one hand, it would be nice to see my family, and my sister is driving in from Boston. However, I'm already planning to go visit in July and September to coincide with family events. Also, I'll be traveling the first two weekends in April, so the thought of making it three weekends in a row is not appealing. In addition, one of my cats has been ill off and on and I'm hesitant to be leaving her so much, so if anything I'd have to drive up Friday and back on Sunday.

When I mention these things, I get a disappointed "Oh" and "think about it." I'm perfectly happy for them to visit me instead but that suggestion has gone in one ear and out the other. Am I just a terrible daughter? Easter isn't a holiday where I typically travel to see them anyway, not sure what the infatuation is with it this year.

I guess I'm just tired of the guilt-tripping!