OP, I think your thinking is wrong. It's not inappropriate to bring a well-behaved toddler ANYWHERE, unless that toddler will be traumatized by where you're taking them. A well-behaved toddler is welcome at a fancy restaurant, temple, weddings, funerals, library adult sections, etc. They are not welcome at crime scenes, R-rated movies, porn shops, etc. You see the distinction?

My two year old and I often go to the library. First to the kiddie section, then to the adult section. I make it a point to move somewhat quickly and not force her to wait around too much. I have read so many books I never would have picked myself because she plucks them out and says "What about this one, Mama?"

So far the only time she was somewhat loud was when an old man walked by us and patted her head and she announced "That man touched-ed me!" Which quite frankly, I'm not going to criticize her for.

OP, you sound like a great parent and not like one of “those moms” at all. Actually, I think the fact that you are aware enough and care enough to ask this question shows that you will not turn into one of “those moms”. Everything you’re doing sounds fine, toddlers with appropriate caregiver supervision have always seemed welcome in the library children’s rooms I’ve been to.

Since you asked about expectations, I’ll share my family’s library rules for the toddler/preschool set. They don’t always meet all of the expectations, so plenty of trips have been cut short by inappropriate behavior, but here’s what we try for.

Children’s room:
- We use quiet indoor voices (modeled at home frequently and on the way to the library)
- We use walking feet.
- Be kind and gentle (aka no hogging all the crayons or shoving the other kid who just took the puzzle you wanted)
- You may play with the toys/crayons/puzzles, one at a time. Remember to put one toy away before you get out the next thing.
- You can get any board book off of the shelf, but only one at a time. When you are done with a book, give it to mommy so I can take care of it (decide to check it out for her if she really liked it or put it on the cart to be reshelved)

I let her “wander freely” around the children’s room – meaning that she can decide where in that room she is and she doesn’t have to stay right beside me – but I make sure she’s always where I can see her so that I can ensure that she’s following the above expectations and redirect if needed.

Main library (teen/adult/DVD section/etc.):
- We use whisper voices (quieter than children’s room voice, also modeled and reminded)
- We use walking feet.
- Only touch things on the shelves when mommy says OK. The things in this part of the library are for big kids and grownups.
- Stay right beside mommy.

When I go to the library with toddlers, I make an extremely quick sweep through this section. I go online to the library catalogue the night before and make a list of the books I want to grab and their call numbers, and then I just do a quick run through the main library to get what I’ve already picked. I figure I have a window of about 10 minutes before the 2yo begins slipping up on regulating her volume and keeping her hands to herself. She likes the DVD section, so if we’re picking some of those that week I usually have a few additional minutes of good behavior there before she needs redirection and either a return to the children’s room or a quick exit and return home.

Sounds fine to me. I've taught my daughter not to run in the library, and not to yell or speak in a loud voice. I've also asked her not to pull ALL of her books from the same section of staff picks because then she decimates the entire display that someone worked hard on. (like she's not allowed to check out 6 books about Valentine's day, or nobody else would get any.)

The kids section is pretty well separated from the adult sections and the study tables/carrels, so they make it pretty easy for us.

You're fine. We have one librarian out of the bunch at our library who seems to thinks kids don't belong even in the kids' section. The rest don't usually ask much but that you clean up after yourself, don't try to reshelve the books (there should be a cart), and head out if there's a total meltdown.

Kids are fine in the toddler area. But remember, its not a playground - they can not runs round or scream - and you can NOT pretend you don't see or hear it! We know you do!

You're fine. Of course kids are welcome. As long as he's not running around like it's a playground, pulling books off the shelf for the fun of it, or being overly loud (indoor voice, understanding that toddlers don't really "get" whispering), it's fine.

And IME, librarians are pretty good at letting people know if they're being disruptive, even just with a look.

As long as he's not yelling or running around the adult section, he's fine. He needs to be quiet, but not silent, and he shouldn't be making big messes or damaging books. It's best if he stays in the toddler section, of course, but as long as he's quiet in the adult section, it wouldn't bother me.

It sounds like you're fine -- but if you're really worried, ask one of the librarians.

We let our toddler be a toddler in the kids section, but do our best to keep him out of the adult section of the library. He does sometimes run in there, but we are in hot pursuit and pull him out right away.

How separate are the adult and children's sections in your library?

What is ok and not ok? Our neighborhood library has an area with board books, a touch-screen computer with programs for 3-5 year olds, a puppet theater, and a table with a basket of crayons and scrap paper--all of which seem to indicate that toddlers are welcome. I let DS wander around the library, remind him that we have to be quiet, and don't let him pull books off the shelves (a couple of board books is ok). He doesn't seem to be bothering anyone, but I don't want to be that parent--what is ok and not ok for a toddler at a library?