Going to a private school should not be synonymous with "soft." I think the workload demands on private students both in the classroom and on the athletic fields should instill a work ethic (in most cases) that would yield a less than "soft" graduate. Whether "soft" means someone who doesn't take any BS from anyone under any circumstances is probably more of a question of what "soft" means. I hope that my two sons who went through a private education have developed the good sense and judgment to know that every perceived "injustice" does not require a response just to show that you are tough. Hopefully, the tough and stronger response to walk away from bullying or taunting is what is being picked up in the private schools around here. That said, I have seen plenty of bullying by the private school kids at all levels and multiple schools - so there is no immunity from the kind of bad behavior (maybe not the degree seen on the Dolphins) that Jonathan Martin thinks that private school kids are not equipped to handle.

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather have a 'soft' kid than an overly aggressive, macho, bully one...

Me too. There are too many people in this world that want to run everyone else over.

I'd rather have a 'soft' kid than an overly aggressive, macho, bully one...

Funny because my SIL was the only one who opted not to go to the fancy private school in my husband's families town and she is the most spoiled and self absorbed person I know. She is far less independent then her siblings and has a much less impressive educational background too. I don't think public or private has anything to do with it PP.

My sister and brother both went to the fanciest private school in our town, while I opted out for public. I don't know know if it's their schooling, and I love them dearly, but they are both VERY coddled and have trouble dealing when the world doesn't do what they think it should. That said, they are both highly paid professionals, and I am a teacher! So who knows who is 'softer'.

"Soft", as in not fully cooked, like a soft-boiled egg? Or "soft" as in cuddly, like a pillow pet? Or "soft" as in blowing this way and that, like dandelion seeds in summer?

Anonymous wrote:... The problem is not that he didn't want to deal with it. I hope he is able to come to terms with that, and keep turning the other cheek.

ITA. If Martin had not "turned the other cheek" -- say he'd instead jumped Incognito and beaten the tar out of him, or worse yet had brought a weapon into the mix to threaten Incognito -- it's not as if Incognito would have suddenly learned his lesson and backed down. Incognito a bad actor, and he pretty clearly would have responded with just more escalation. The problem here is not Martin, but Incognito.

"Ms. Blackwell wondered, as many private school parents might have when they read Mr. Martin’s words in newspaper accounts of the league’s report, whether he was calling out the sort of deliberately constructed communities that many private schools specialize in creating — built on intense attention to children’s feelings and the imprinting of values that support a commitment to civility.

"Schools like that are not much like the world that many parents live and work in, where people are disposable, loyalty no longer matters much and every person is scratching away for themselves.

That is exactly what I would value in a private school. Civility and regard for the individual - these are the values we ought to be getting from education. They are the values we should try to foster at home. They are the leaven that make society better.

Just because the world is sometimes dog-eat-dog, does not mean that we must accept it or surrender to it. We can mitigate it.

I hope my child grows up assuming he matters and that other people matter. When he realizes the "real" world often does not operate as though that is true, I hope he is indignant. I hope he refuses to cow-tow.

He talks about "white, private school conditioning...turn the other cheek." Funny, I thought turning the other cheek was a Jesus thing, not a private school thing. I have nothing but sympathy for him, but the problem is homophobia, machismo, and bullying in general and in football in particular. The problem is not that he didn't want to deal with it. I hope he is able to come to terms with that, and keep turning the other cheek.

Kids are who they are from toddlerhood onward and external cues sort of shape the margins.

So a soft, timid, quiet, introspective, non-competitive introvert like, oh, my son is not going to be a Master of the Universe / finance / big-swinging dick if I decide to send him to Wilson. Thusly, we searched for a school that played to his strengths and BUILDS on them. He's a stronger young adult IMO because of inputs from his sweet little school.

He'd still be the same core set of innate traits though regardless.

Anonymous wrote:I like "soft" people -- we could use more of them in the world. And was thug culture going to make J. Martin more of a success in life?

This!

I like "soft" people -- we could use more of them in the world. And was thug culture going to make J. Martin more of a success in life?

All this tells me is that if Martin went to public school in LA, he would have either committed suicide from not being liked as a people pleaser or had been a bully punk that would have gone nowhere in life. LAME

Way to generalize from an n of one, Mr. Martin.

Link: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/02/20/jonathan-martin-and-the-soft-white-private-school-question/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_php=true&_type=blogs&smid=tw-NYTMotherlode&seid=auto&_r=1