My parents are very open about their savings, pensions and plans. My in laws haven't mentioned it. They are much more close lipped and don't discuss money. My DH is unwilling to discuss it with them too. I guess we'll just have to wait and see then...

I will be dealing with this sooner or later, as the sole mentally-stable-and-gainfully-employed adult child. I think I have about 10 years before it becomes a real issue.
My parents have long term care insurance and I know they have cash socked away. They will never, ever, ever live with us. In the same county, even. They currently live out of state, so I will be pushing to get them within a 1 hour drive.
Q about LTC insurance - they "have a policy." When I asked to see the terms (wanted to compare to what I have available through employer) I was basically laughed at. So I have no idea how good it really is, I just know that I am assuming worst case scenario.
Is it possible to take out LTC on my parents without them knowing about it?

My ILs lived in a life care place so were covered until they passed away. It was expensive and they had used most of their savings by the time they died, but that's what it was for.

One of my parents remarried someone close to my age so presumably she will be responsible for him. The other parent has plenty of money so while ultimately we may need to be responsible for decisions we won't need to be financially responsible.

My parents have good pensions and savings so I expect they will be able to (and they've already talked about) moving into assisted living when the time comes. DH and I have a baby (we're both pushing 40) and hope to have another soon, so I don't think it will work out having elderly and possibly sick people living with us and one or two pre-teens/ teenagers who will need our attention. Sounds like a recipe for disaster for everyone especially if we live in a smaller house.

We just began this process... My father has a sizeable pension that will pay until both he and my mother have passed, in addition they have their social security, so they should be financially comfortable for the rest of their lives. My sister and I both have homes with in - law suites and my parents will most likely live with my sister as they continue to age (my husband is an only child and we will most likely have his mother living with us within the next 2-3 years). We recently took both sets of parents (separately) to an elder law attorney to have their wills updated, medical paperwork done, etc...

My parents plan well and should be able to pay for their own long term care. Although, they know when it comes to it, I'll be the one making decisions when they can't and they're welcome to come live with us.

My inlaws are another story. The one set, I don't know what their finances are like, but they're more likely to take care of themselves. The other set, I know hasn't planned for crap. Luckily, both of them have a closer relationship with DH's brother (who lives near them) and he owes a lot of favors to the less well off set. So he'll be on the hook for taking care of them and figuring it all out. There is no way I want to be responsible for either set and neither DH or I want them living with us. I'm going to stick my head in the sand and hope we get off the hook.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Living it out now. To my parents' credit, they bought a long term care insurance 20 years ago when they were in their early 60s.

My dad was diagnosed with a dementia ten years ago and has been in a progressive decline that required multiple hospitalizations and now a long term care facility where he's been for a year.

My mother is living alone, by choice, back at their home and is able to do so precisely because their long term care insurance is comprehensive enough that she can easily and comfortably live there. They also met with a financial planner and an attorney and made detailed funeral/burial plans, guardianship, medical directives, financial arrangements, basically all the preplanning a person could do.

My ILs have zero plans, not even a will. I predict a giant mess and long ago told my DH that we will never have our parents live with us.

My parents had a rock solid long term plan- but really when it came time to use it, it covered very little in the way of 24 hour home care and almost nothing in a facility at the end. Q: what is it covering for your Dad now and how much out of pocket now that he is in a facility?

I was unsuccessful in getting them to consider a continual care type setting when they were older but fairly healthy. I still think that is the best plan- and many of these places are wonderful. When my father did need to go to a facility for round the clock care and dementia- it was 13K a month. Who has that kind of $$? They did--but it would not have lasted that long. He died within a few months of entering.

My mother did. For years she lived on Social Security and a small ($500/mo) pension, not touching the savings she accumulated as a secretary. (She did not go to college and did not work until I was 13yo. She was not a rich woman by any means.) By then, the principal was about $1.2M and we used the income and some of the principal to pay for her assisted living community, which was about $10k/month. She lived for another ~4 years and still left something to her kids.

Save, save, save.

We are in the midst of this right now. My parents had planned to age in place. They retired to coastal NC almost 20 years ago. My mother was just put under Hospice care a few weeks ago. My Dad is her primary care giver and my sister and I have been taking turns going down for 5-7 days spelling him, with 3 day gaps in between. We will do this as long as it takes. No one will give us a "probable" scenario. So, it may last a few more week sor it may last a few more months. My sister has a flexible job that allows her to work remotely while she is down there and makeup some time on the week that she is home. I am a sahp, but my spouse travels quite a bit, so we make plans based on his travel schedule. We did the same thing when each has had more serious illnesses over the past 20 years.

Once my mom is gone, my father has indicated that he plans to move after his license expires in 2016. He is resisting moving near to us in NOVA or my sister in NE. He has looked places in NC in Raleigh where they have stepped up services from indepenent apartment living to assisted living to nursing care. He should have enough money to do this.

Anonymous wrote:Living it out now. To my parents' credit, they bought a long term care insurance 20 years ago when they were in their early 60s.

My dad was diagnosed with a dementia ten years ago and has been in a progressive decline that required multiple hospitalizations and now a long term care facility where he's been for a year.

My mother is living alone, by choice, back at their home and is able to do so precisely because their long term care insurance is comprehensive enough that she can easily and comfortably live there. They also met with a financial planner and an attorney and made detailed funeral/burial plans, guardianship, medical directives, financial arrangements, basically all the preplanning a person could do.

My ILs have zero plans, not even a will. I predict a giant mess and long ago told my DH that we will never have our parents live with us.

My parents had a rock solid long term plan- but really when it came time to use it, it covered very little in the way of 24 hour home care and almost nothing in a facility at the end. Q: what is it covering for your Dad now and how much out of pocket now that he is in a facility?

I was unsuccessful in getting them to consider a continual care type setting when they were older but fairly healthy. I still think that is the best plan- and many of these places are wonderful. When my father did need to go to a facility for round the clock care and dementia- it was 13K a month. Who has that kind of $$? They did--but it would not have lasted that long. He died within a few months of entering.

Living it out now. To my parents' credit, they bought a long term care insurance 20 years ago when they were in their early 60s.

My dad was diagnosed with a dementia ten years ago and has been in a progressive decline that required multiple hospitalizations and now a long term care facility where he's been for a year.

My mother is living alone, by choice, back at their home and is able to do so precisely because their long term care insurance is comprehensive enough that she can easily and comfortably live there. They also met with a financial planner and an attorney and made detailed funeral/burial plans, guardianship, medical directives, financial arrangements, basically all the preplanning a person could do.

My ILs have zero plans, not even a will. I predict a giant mess and long ago told my DH that we will never have our parents live with us.

My parents have money put aside so they plan to hire help. MIL is living with us and hopefully will go into a nursing home. We are taking care of her physically and financially.

My parents should be ok financially. But, I will be moving home next year so that we can be close and, together with my siblings, provide what ever support is necessary. My sister has a first floor suite for them to stay in. I will purchase a house with the same.

My parents have provided for their old age. My in-laws have not. We plan to open our home to whomever needs it, or support them elsewhere within our modest budget. We want to instill in our child that we will care for our parents so they can age with dignity, while at the same time work like crazy to ensure she isn't faced with this responsibility someday.

My father put money aside years ago to pay for home health aides, and assisted living/nursing homes. So I'd use that to get him whichever thing is appropriate.

What have you done or are you going to do as your parents got older and were unable to take care of themselves?