If you confront her, she's going to say what's expedient. Don't confront her. Believe what she's already clearly communicated to you about who she is. If I were you, I'd be polite to her, but I wouldn't go out of my way to have anything to do with her. A token visit - okay. Entertain her? no.

Why in the world haven't you had a "Come to Jesus" moment with this woman?

I would start with "Larla, I'm a little confused as to why you want me to visit. I know from your comments to my parents that you don't exactly enjoy my company, or that of my husband. It seems to me that you would be happier on your own, making friends who are as much of a "breath of fresh air" [use her expression so she knows you know what she said] as you are."

Pause and wait for her reaction. If she immediately apologizes, I would say something like "Look, we are not little kids anymore. If you want to have a real friendship with me, I'm willing. But I'm not here to be your little cousin for you to use and be mean to."

Go from there.

Always ask yourself, would this person do for me what I did for them ?

You already know the answer.

Go about your life, be nice when you see her, don't volunteer to babysit.

Trust your gut. Give her a map and tell her "I fully intend to be aS kind and welcoming to you as you have been to me." Then get on with your life. If relatives give you shit when she complains point out that you're all adults and if she has an issue with you she'll have to talk to you directly. If she does, just repeat you're simply giving her the same courtesy she's given you. Be pleasant and have a tine like you are patiently explaining to a dumb child. Do not jet her pull you into specific examples or give you guilt trips.

Love,
A cold bitch who doesn't put up with any bullshit.

After I graduated college I worked in my parent's home country for a year, just for fun. While there I met and fell in love with DH and got married a few months after I left. My cousins in said country were pretty mean- they made fun of my appearance (mostly because I am not a "girly-girl" as they are encouraged to be) to my face, they told me I have bad taste and refused to be my bridesmaids, and various petty stupid things. I wasn't expecting them to be my best buddies or anything but I was fairly hurt by this behavior. Six years later, one of these cousins came to visit the US. I decided that even though she really wasn't my friend or anything, I was going to be nice. I made a big effort to take her all over the place and show her a good time, shopping, the beach, etc. She is engaged and is going to come to the US and live here, and she told everyone in my family she felt she had made friends with me. She came back again and is staying in my parents' house for another two months, after her engagement party. She expects me to visit and entertain her once again. She also said something mean to her father about me (that my parents won't mind her staying with them for months at a time because she is a "breath of fresh air" next to me and my husband (it's a hard term to translate, but she basically meant that she is more pleasant than us and better to have around)). After the effort I made and all the time I spent with her, this hurt my feelings again. Why my parents relayed this to me and were shit-stirrers about it, I don't know.

The thing is, I don't want to visit her again, or be friends right now. After spending time with her, I just felt sort of tired and used. I thought I would let bygones be bygones, but I didn't. I feel like she is only being friendly with me because I am the only person in this country that she knows, and that when I was alone in her country, she made a point of letting me know she didn't actually give a crap about me. I kind of want friendships with people who just like me for who I am, and not just because it's expedient at the moment. And she's really quite pleasant, a good listener, etc, but we really don't have a lot in common. I am confused about my own emotions and feel like I am being petty, but I don't know how to get over it. Does anyone have any perspective or guidance here? TIA!