Obviously he is still holding on to his wife for some reason. He could very well be using you for sex and perhaps just a little life excitement but have zero intention of marrying you or being with you in public.

Tell his wife. How he responds will tell you what his intentions are for your relationship. I know someone who has been with a married man for ten years, so 3.5 years means nothing.

Thanks for all the advice. You guys are right. I am physically sick over ending this.

Well he has already lied to you. That was your first red flag. The fact that he is married should be your cue to move on. If he cheats with you he will cheat on you. SOunds like a total slimeball. If you like being in pain and hurting others than by all means, continue seeing him.

Let his wife know.

Cut contact.

Do some self reflection about who you want to be as a person. Do you want to be the third wheel in a marriage? Do you want to be other woman? Do you want to contribute to another woman's devastation - seeing as you are helping her husband cheat and lie and deceive her?

If you were married, how would you view the other woman who knowingly was sleeping with your husband?

You are in love with someone who lies, cheats, deceives and betrays those he loves. Is that really the kind of person who want to be with?

Anonymous wrote:3.5 yrs is not an infatuation.

No, it's not an infatuation but that he isn't divorced by now indicates you didn't fall in love with the person he is, you love the person you thought he was.

Agree with the PPs that moving on is an action. Cut all contact.

3.5 yrs is not an infatuation.

In addition to the above, imagine him doing to you what he is doing to his wife. This would be your future with him for sure. You know this.

What would you do when you break up with your boyfriend? You know is the right decision, now what do you with all the love? Don't be hard on yourself, hang out with your friends again. Meet new people you may miss him that is normal.... Take yoga class, exercise, practice meditation...
best of luck

Tell his wife. Watch him fall magically out of love with you.

You can't have been with him that long. Sounds like it might be more infatuation. As others have said, cut off all contact. Remove his number, email and anything related to him off your phone. Block his number. Do not go anywhere near where he might be.

AGree with everyone so far. You know what you need to do. And you know it will feel bad. But you wont regret it. Save your life.

You won't be able to fall out of love with him. It is going to hurt for a while. Remember that how you got him is how you will lose him if you decide to make a go of it.

Move on. That's an action activity, not just a thought.

Number 1 (and most important thing) cut of all contact.
Delete all numbers etc that you have for them
Delete all texts, emails, or any other communications with them (so you aren't tempted to go back and read them)
If none of your gfs know the situation, tell one (or however many) that you trust the most so you have someone to talk to.

You can do it OP

I am in love with someone who is married. I know I will get flamed for fhis. I am seeking helpful advice. I didnt know he was married when we first went out. When I asked if he had ever been married he simply said separated. He has an apartment, and was originally trying to work it out. He hasn't talked about divorce, and this is a red flag for me among other things.

I love him more than I have loved anyone, but it's time to move on.