OP here. I am grateful for everyone's frank opinions and experiences! Friends clearly does work really well for some kids; I know someone who practically had tears in her eyes as she was telling me how wonderful it's been for her family. And I love the Quaker heritage, and the pacifist philosophy, and the diversity, and and and -- it just seem like a super nice place. As I said, I'd sign myself up in a minute.

Offensive-PP (*g*), I appreciate your sharing your experience with your kid who didn't thrive at Friends. I would prefer DS to be in a group where he's nothing special intellectually, and has to work! I was top of my class at a (good) public school and it did me some harm. I grew lazy and complacent and boy oh boy did my arrogant little self have a wake-up call when I then landed in an Ivy where my brains were strictly middle-of-the-pack and all I had was effort, which wasn't something I knew a lot about. It was a rough few years and I still think that I didn't get out of my college experience as much as I would've if I'd had better habits and perspective.

It's become apparent that for some non-academic logistical reasons, Friends is out of the running entirely. I think it's gonna be Gilman for us. Calvert would also be a fine choice for my orderly DS, but for a bunch of reasons, some practical and some instinctual, Gilman feels right.

None of my friends have been through this process, so talking this out on DCUM has really helped. Thanks, folks.

Also, for the Friends parent - were your kids ever in lower school? And if so, how long ago if they are now in college (Ivy equivalents no less!)? Things change, the economy has changed, maybe just maybe the admissions standards for the lower school have changed a bit? Just maybe? I love the values of the school - they are lovely - and I think Friends does a fine job in the lower schools of getting all kids up to higher academic standards, but it does not know how to deal with kids who are working much above grade level. It just doesn't. I have very recent first hand experience with this. I don't mean to trash the school but the lower school is definitely better for some kids than others.

I'm the above, apparently offensive PP. I DID have a child at Friends. That child was not kicked out, but thanks for trying. I wish Friends DID kick kids out, or at least try more discipline. Our child was at the top of his/her class and s/he knew it and I think that creates a really bad dynamic. I far prefer to have a kid in a class where being the smartest never even comes up because there is a larger cohort of brighter kids. Please note that I was talking about lower school -the cohort isn't that strong and the teacher quality is spotty. I have no knowledge of the upper school and hooray for the kids who got into Ivies. Good for them and good for the school.
Regardless of how offended you are, I stand by my opinion and I believe it is right on the mark. Sorry to offend you.

Anonymous wrote:Very little difference socially btw Gilman and Calvert - they really draw from same crowds. We actually know plenty of pp with kids at both. Calvert is the most structured of the schools. Gilman takes a more developmental approach - meeting kids where they are academically but that does make it somewhat less structured. Friends is actually pretty structured as well but I would not put a kid who will be at the top of his class there For lower school(BTDT with bad results). Calvert does have tge K-8 advantage and co Ed, which I think is impt if there aren't sisters in the picture. Most of those boys end up at Gilman. We love Gilman for our boys but couldn't even imagine applying to Calvert for them - much too structured.

Friends parent again. I am deeply offended by this completely ignorant comment! Do you have some axe to grind? Was your child kicked out of Friends for academic failure?

My children are going to Ivies or the equivalent. DH and I went to Ivies. We know what a top student needs, and Friends provides it in spades. Lots of Friends kids get into the very best colleges! Outrageous that you should spread such uninformed misinformation about a great school!

OP, choose the school that best fits your child, but do not make your choice based on the incorrect information on an anonymous forum from person who clearly knows nothing about Friends!

Anonymous wrote:Ive had kids at 2 of the schools you are looking at. From your description, I'd say Calvert. Gilman would probably be fine as well but I would stay away from Friends.
I like single sex, but I have girls and boys at home. Think I'd far prefer coed if I only had boys or girls.

Do you know anything about Friends? Have you ever visited Friends? I think it's a great school and my kids -- both of whom are smart, shy and one of whom loves and craves order -- have done extremely well there. Its a fantastic environment. I find people from Baltimore who have never set foot in the school have some weird impression of Friends as a loosy goosy hippy school. Nothing could be further from the truth! The idea is laughable to Friends families who love the school because it's traditional and orderly.

If you want a non-traditional environment, choose Park or Waldorf. I never visited Calvert, but have been told it's "the" school for Baltimore's best and brightest. It's very structured, I'm told, but I have no experience with the school. I know parents who love Bryn Mawr and RPCS, but I would not send my daughter to a single sex school, so they were out for me. Gilman is for sporty boys. I can spot the Gilman swagger a mile away! But I know some nice kids who go there, so not all of the boys swagger! We're super-happy with Friends. It's exceeded all our expectations. I can't imagine a better school for my children, but every child is different. Good finding the right fit, OP!

Very little difference socially btw Gilman and Calvert - they really draw from same crowds. We actually know plenty of pp with kids at both. Calvert is the most structured of the schools. Gilman takes a more developmental approach - meeting kids where they are academically but that does make it somewhat less structured. Friends is actually pretty structured as well but I would not put a kid who will be at the top of his class there For lower school(BTDT with bad results). Calvert does have tge K-8 advantage and co Ed, which I think is impt if there aren't sisters in the picture. Most of those boys end up at Gilman. We love Gilman for our boys but couldn't even imagine applying to Calvert for them - much too structured.

Anonymous wrote:Ive had kids at 2 of the schools you are looking at. From your description, I'd say Calvert. Gilman would probably be fine as well but I would stay away from Friends.
I like single sex, but I have girls and boys at home. Think I'd far prefer coed if I only had boys or girls.

Thanks very much! Both Calvert and Gilman seem like wonderful schools academically. Do you think the social atmosphere is much different, between the two schools?

Ive had kids at 2 of the schools you are looking at. From your description, I'd say Calvert. Gilman would probably be fine as well but I would stay away from Friends.
I like single sex, but I have girls and boys at home. Think I'd far prefer coed if I only had boys or girls.

In addition to going to look at the schools again, you can also ask to talk to current parents if you think that might help you decide.

I found the admissions staff of the the various Baltimore Privates to be quite accommodating as well as genuinely interested in finding the appropriate fit for a child. Like a PP said, any of those schools will offer an excellent education and environment for your son.

OP here. Thanks so much, everyone! It's an awesome problem to have. The "trouble" is that I really like all three schools, for different reasons.

Friends would suit ME better (oh, that lovely carved wood!), but DS is a quiet and orderly little soul who would, I think, really like the structure of Gilman and Calvert. He's a four-year-old perfectionist. I have no idea where he came from.

I really don't know how I feel about single-sex vs. coed.

Since we have a daughter, we looked at RPCS and Bryn Mawr, which is as close as we'd get to Gilman. I liked the K-12. While I was making the choice for K, it was stressful enough that I put a + in the column of a school where I might not have to go through the process again. I liked that the schools were single sex, but that with the close campuses there are shared activities, and upper schoolers can take classes on each other's campuses. Gilman has a reputation for being for sporty boys, but I know quieter, arty boys who go there and thrive. I have heard excellent things about Gilman's teachers.

That is helpful. I don't know, of course, but I have a suspicion that he's going to quiet and sporty... I have visited all the schools, but I feel like I'll look at them differently at this point in the process. I think you're right and that visiting again is the way to go.

I also let my child's opinion matter, which is kind of ridiculous. What did my 4 year old know?!

Hah -- I hear you! At one somewhat chaotic (creative?) school, DS clung to me and didn't want to go off for the testing. At both Calvert and Gilman he immediately responded to the calmness of the environment and left me without a second glance. Kids do have instinctual reactions to different environments, and I don't think it's crazy to take that into account.

DS favors Gilman, but I suspect him of being unduly influenced by the koi in the lobby. Which were, I admit, awesome.

Anonymous wrote:Which would you choose? Would be super grateful for any opinions and points of view.

DS is introverted, somewhat shy, smart as a whip, very practical and analytical, thrives on routine.

We're not a "private school family", so I feel out of my depth here when trying to figure out the best match. Many thanks to anyone who cares to share their thoughts! This whole process is a trip...

We are also not a private school family, and like you I felt entirely overwhelmed trying to pick out the best school. It doesn't help that when you're looking at a K-12 you're trying to think so far into the future. So I'd stop and think about now.

Friends is a lovely school. I felt that a single sex environment would be better for my child for a variety of reasons, so Friends was not top of my list. Had my child attended Friends, I'm sure it would have been wonderful. Several of her friends and classmates have siblings at Friends and I hear good things about the school. I did feel that Friends expectations of K children was a bit much, but I have since learned that red shirting is common among the Baltimore Privates, so their expectations make sense if you shift the age range by about 6 months.

I adored Calvert. I wanted to go there myself. The order, the neatness, the history. I liked that it was co-ed, but that girls and boys were separated (again, something I felt would benefit my child). Calvert would not have been appropriate for my child. The exacting hand writing alone would have done her in. I wanted Calvert to be the school for her so badly, but on my visit it became clear to me that she needed a more casual environment like Friends. (This is relative of course, if Park were on your list Friends could be perceived as the stuffy, orderly school!)

Since we have a daughter, we looked at RPCS and Bryn Mawr, which is as close as we'd get to Gilman. I liked the K-12. While I was making the choice for K, it was stressful enough that I put a + in the column of a school where I might not have to go through the process again. I liked that the schools were single sex, but that with the close campuses there are shared activities, and upper schoolers can take classes on each other's campuses. Gilman has a reputation for being for sporty boys, but I know quieter, arty boys who go there and thrive. I have heard excellent things about Gilman's teachers.

I tend to think of Gilman as being a wonderful environment for the outgoing boy, although plenty of quieter boys do quite well there. Have you visited the schools? You can visit more than once! I found that really helped me. I liked Friends more in person than I did on paper; I learned that as much as I loved Calvert on paper and in person it would be inappropriate for my daughter. Kindergarten at any of these schools would tend to be fine. My daughter would have done fine in K at Calvert, it just likely would have made clear she needed a different environment moving on. Kids do change schools, every year in lower school my daughter's class got one or two new children, and occasionally children left.

I also let my child's opinion matter, which is kind of ridiculous. What did my 4 year old know?! After her visit to Park, she was clear that she did not want to attend that school. It helped me sort through tie breakers, as needed. It's tough. The schools are beautiful, the people are lovely, the curriculum amazing... Which school feels right to you?

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered Loyola Blakefield?

Whoops, just realized your son is probably elementary age! Nevermind.

Have you considered Loyola Blakefield?

Hi,
First of all, there isn't a bad option among the three. You know your child will be in a small class, in a great looking building, with a thoughtful curriculum, and lots of tasty choices for lunch! I would consider choosing the school based on where you know your family will be most comfortable, not just your child. Most of the schools offer shadow days and potential parent get togethers too. Just go to all of them and put off a decision until the very last minute!

Good luck!

Which would you choose? Would be super grateful for any opinions and points of view.

DS is introverted, somewhat shy, smart as a whip, very practical and analytical, thrives on routine.

We're not a "private school family", so I feel out of my depth here when trying to figure out the best match. Many thanks to anyone who cares to share their thoughts! This whole process is a trip...