sounds like she is becoming the bread winner and you are upset about it. maybe if you did a better job at supporting her she wouldn;t have to make this extra money.

Good for your wife, OP! She sounds pretty kick-ass.

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her if perhaps her goals have changed? Maybe she is saving for a gift for you, or a new car for the family, or a trip home? I don't know what she's doing but if it's say, helping battered women or something maybe she feels too much empathy for their situation to say no? Does she have a network of other people who do this same job so she could say to prospective clients "My workload is full right now, but I know a great woman named Diane who has an opening; here's her phone number and email address"?

OP, you need to talk to her and suss out what's behind this. It may be as simple as her never realizing she could do this and it's a power/money rush. I'm doing okay income-wise, but any time I'm offered an opportunity to earn more doing a side gig I always say yes, because the memory of not doing well enough is burned into my memory.

Ça, exactement.

Have you asked her if perhaps her goals have changed? Maybe she is saving for a gift for you, or a new car for the family, or a trip home? I don't know what she's doing but if it's say, helping battered women or something maybe she feels too much empathy for their situation to say no? Does she have a network of other people who do this same job so she could say to prospective clients "My workload is full right now, but I know a great woman named Diane who has an opening; here's her phone number and email address"?

OP, you need to talk to her and suss out what's behind this. It may be as simple as her never realizing she could do this and it's a power/money rush. I'm doing okay income-wise, but any time I'm offered an opportunity to earn more doing a side gig I always say yes, because the memory of not doing well enough is burned into my memory.

Maybe she'll be able to quit her day job soon and make a go of her business? When you say she makes 80% of your salary, you sound jealous and like you're looking for ways to hold her back before she is more successful than you.

Yes - before taking on such a time consuming career change, you should have discussed it as a family and talked about the impact on the kids and maybe hiring some extra help at home to get through this rough patch. However it sounds like you need to talk now about her aspirations and figure out what will work for your family without giving up completely on this opportunity for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 6 months ago DW took a moonlighting/consulting-type gig that pays, per hour, about 2x her day job with a nonprofit. Originally the idea was just to have one client at a time, 3-4 hrs/wk, in order to have a little extra "pin money." She's been getting lots of clients, though, and has not said no to any yet. So I never see her anymore. We leave the house at 7:30 together and she's home at 7:30, just in time to put 1yo DD to bed while I get 4yo DS ready for bed. Saturdays she's gone all day and Sundays she works a couple hours too. Incidentally, she just got a $4K raise in her day job and now makes 80% of my salary. We're far from rich but have no touble paying the bills; in fact most of what she's earning on the side is just sitting in her LLC checking account gathering dust.

Any ideas how to help her dial it back?

FWIW she's an immigrant from a conservative country and is the first woman in her family to have a profession/WOH. Fortunately home country relatives have never hit her up for $$$ or if they have she's ignored it and never mentioned it to me.

Now THAT is a douchy comment.

Why? It was obviously intended to explain that to the best of his knowledge the crazy work hours isnt coming from some desire to feed some family in bangalore. Seems relevant to me.

It's useful to know what her background is I take it to mean that she might be very driven to "succeed". Hopefully the OP does not assume that all immigrants' families at home expect hand-outs, because they don't!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 6 months ago DW took a moonlighting/consulting-type gig that pays, per hour, about 2x her day job with a nonprofit. Originally the idea was just to have one client at a time, 3-4 hrs/wk, in order to have a little extra "pin money." She's been getting lots of clients, though, and has not said no to any yet. So I never see her anymore. We leave the house at 7:30 together and she's home at 7:30, just in time to put 1yo DD to bed while I get 4yo DS ready for bed. Saturdays she's gone all day and Sundays she works a couple hours too. Incidentally, she just got a $4K raise in her day job and now makes 80% of my salary. We're far from rich but have no touble paying the bills; in fact most of what she's earning on the side is just sitting in her LLC checking account gathering dust.

Any ideas how to help her dial it back?

FWIW she's an immigrant from a conservative country and is the first woman in her family to have a profession/WOH. Fortunately home country relatives have never hit her up for $$$ or if they have she's ignored it and never mentioned it to me.

Now THAT is a douchy comment.

Why? It was obviously intended to explain that to the best of his knowledge the crazy work hours isnt coming from some desire to feed some family in bangalore. Seems relevant to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 6 months ago DW took a moonlighting/consulting-type gig that pays, per hour, about 2x her day job with a nonprofit. Originally the idea was just to have one client at a time, 3-4 hrs/wk, in order to have a little extra "pin money." She's been getting lots of clients, though, and has not said no to any yet. So I never see her anymore. We leave the house at 7:30 together and she's home at 7:30, just in time to put 1yo DD to bed while I get 4yo DS ready for bed. Saturdays she's gone all day and Sundays she works a couple hours too. Incidentally, she just got a $4K raise in her day job and now makes 80% of my salary. We're far from rich but have no touble paying the bills; in fact most of what she's earning on the side is just sitting in her LLC checking account gathering dust.

Any ideas how to help her dial it back?

FWIW she's an immigrant from a conservative country and is the first woman in her family to have a profession/WOH. Fortunately home country relatives have never hit her up for $$$ or if they have she's ignored it and never mentioned it to me.

Now THAT is a douchy comment.

Actually if you know any immigrants it's highly relevant when talking about issues of personal finance. Constant demands for money from home-country relatives can be very trying.

Anonymous wrote:About 6 months ago DW took a moonlighting/consulting-type gig that pays, per hour, about 2x her day job with a nonprofit. Originally the idea was just to have one client at a time, 3-4 hrs/wk, in order to have a little extra "pin money." She's been getting lots of clients, though, and has not said no to any yet. So I never see her anymore. We leave the house at 7:30 together and she's home at 7:30, just in time to put 1yo DD to bed while I get 4yo DS ready for bed. Saturdays she's gone all day and Sundays she works a couple hours too. Incidentally, she just got a $4K raise in her day job and now makes 80% of my salary. We're far from rich but have no touble paying the bills; in fact most of what she's earning on the side is just sitting in her LLC checking account gathering dust.

Any ideas how to help her dial it back?

FWIW she's an immigrant from a conservative country and is the first woman in her family to have a profession/WOH. Fortunately home country relatives have never hit her up for $$$ or if they have she's ignored it and never mentioned it to me.

Now THAT is a douchy comment.

So have you sat down and shared the data?
"honey, when we discussed this second job, I agreed because you said it would be an extra 3-4 hours a week. For the last month, it's actually been ____ hours and I'm feeling frustrated. The kids miss you and I miss you. I want you to be successful AND I want our family to be successful. Let's talk about what can work for both of us in terms of hours."

Anonymous wrote:Is she an escort?

Yes. Yes, that's exactly right. Thanks for your helpful comment.

Is she an escort?

About 6 months ago DW took a moonlighting/consulting-type gig that pays, per hour, about 2x her day job with a nonprofit. Originally the idea was just to have one client at a time, 3-4 hrs/wk, in order to have a little extra "pin money." She's been getting lots of clients, though, and has not said no to any yet. So I never see her anymore. We leave the house at 7:30 together and she's home at 7:30, just in time to put 1yo DD to bed while I get 4yo DS ready for bed. Saturdays she's gone all day and Sundays she works a couple hours too. Incidentally, she just got a $4K raise in her day job and now makes 80% of my salary. We're far from rich but have no touble paying the bills; in fact most of what she's earning on the side is just sitting in her LLC checking account gathering dust.

Any ideas how to help her dial it back?

FWIW she's an immigrant from a conservative country and is the first woman in her family to have a profession/WOH. Fortunately home country relatives have never hit her up for $$$ or if they have she's ignored it and never mentioned it to me.