Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's take this one at a time:

-- The beer glass. I don't see this as her telling you your glasses aren't good enough. She wants to drink her beer out of a specific glass. So what? Big deal.

-- Ditto the car door thing. Okay, she's a princess. That doesn't affect you.

-- On the other hand, with her commenting on your parenting, you have every right to be annoyed. I would respond every time she does it. "Linda, we have this." Don't say anything else.

-- The steak thing, it sounds like she knows you don't like the way your dad fixes steak, so she's offering to let you bring your own and cook it the way you like for yourselves...not for her. If you don't want to take her up on the offer, don't.

You don't like the woman. We get it. But pick your battles.

Agree on all points. FYI-my husband always gets my door--some guys are classy like that. FYIW when I was dating I noticed if I guy got the door or picked up the check. I married a guy who did both and I am still married. My friends who didn't get about such things..are pretty much all divorced because guys who don't do that sort of stuff are lazy about other stuff and it gets old.

Anonymous wrote:Let's take this one at a time:

-- The beer glass. I don't see this as her telling you your glasses aren't good enough. She wants to drink her beer out of a specific glass. So what? Big deal.

-- Ditto the car door thing. Okay, she's a princess. That doesn't affect you.

-- On the other hand, with her commenting on your parenting, you have every right to be annoyed. I would respond every time she does it. "Linda, we have this." Don't say anything else.

-- The steak thing, it sounds like she knows you don't like the way your dad fixes steak, so she's offering to let you bring your own and cook it the way you like for yourselves...not for her. If you don't want to take her up on the offer, don't.

You don't like the woman. We get it. But pick your battles.

Gambit wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Start treating her like a 3 year old who is testing your limits. Put firm boundaries in place and follow through. Give her only choices that you want and do not offer her other options. She only has as much control (especially in your house and with your child) as you let her.

+1 lock the thread! No need for anyone else to post because this here is the answer. Print this out, post it on your mirror and carry it in your purse. Excellent PP!

To clarify. I’m not a woman, I don’t have a purse. Not sure DW would take to kindly to me wearing women’s apparel. :-p

You are right. I need to start setting some boundaries.
To answer other responses. There’s more I just pointed out the things that were getting to me lately.

The thing with the car door, I didn’t care when it was my dad opening her door. I would even open it on occasion when his hands are full and she just sitting there useless.
It only bothered me when she and I went somewhere, and she expecting the same princess treatment from me.

The reason why all of this has come to a head is because I finally realized that she’s getting increasingly pushy about her entitlement.
Before DW and I moved to NY, my dad gave us a waffle iron as a present. It wasn’t until recently that she actually said, I made sure he got you guys the waffle iron that I wanted you to have, for the type of waffles I like.

A few months back, when they came down for a visit, they left behind two bath robes in the guest room closet.
Then it’s the Beer glasses she wants me to store in my freezer for her. Never mind the fact that my pint glasses are the exact same size and shape.
And then then the steak thing was just over the top.

To answer someone else’s response about how since we didn’t like the way she cooked steak, she offered for us to season it the way we like it.
No that was not the case. They never cook dinner for us. We always order out when we go there. She loves the way DW makes steak. She pan sears the steak with a special sauce she makes and it’s awesome. So SM loves the way DW makes the steak. DW gave her the recipe, but we never asked them to make steak for us when we visit. She called and asked us to buy, pre-marinade, and freeze the steaks to bring up with us to cook for them when we got to her house! Again I say WTF?!?

Oh and no, she does not have kids of her own. So maybe she is secretly jealous about not being married and never having had kids. I don’t even care about that. I always knew she was a but pushy and entitled, but It never effected me, so I ignored it. I only care now because she’s saying and doing things that directly effect me. And with each incident, she’s escalating. I feel it’s time to put a stop to things before they escalate out of hand. That’s always my logical advice to people.
Don’t let little annoyances add up to the point where you’re unreasonably blowing up at someone over something minor. Take them aside and let them know so that maybe the little annoyances can cease. and not become major problems.

Gambit wrote:So my dad has been with his GF for about a decade now, so I’ll refer to her as stepmom or SM. She is annoying the hell out of me. I have plenty of glassware in my home. Yet on their last visit, they bring down two pint glasses for us to keep in the freezer for when they are visiting and drinking beer. I already have plenty of beer mugs and pint glasses that I keep in the freezer. I find it a bit annoying that she’s saying my glasses are not good enough. Gotta bring her own.
I’ve always felt she was a bit entitled, but this was just another annoyance thrown on top. When taking a drive somewhere, she has to have her door opened for her. I get a gentleman is supposed to open the door for a lady, I’m very big on that. But she’ll stand/sit there waiting for you to open her door, even when it’s inconvenient. Like if my father has to get a bunch of bags out of the car or carrying them to the car. She’ll just wait there for him to open the door like he’s a chauffeur. I wouldn’t care as much except she’s done that a few times when it was just she and I going somewhere.

When they are visiting us or we visiting them, she’s always making comments about our parenting; telling we’re doing things wrong. I don’t mean like the way some parents make suggestions on how to do things. I mean she’ll translate my son’s utterances to, “That’s right Tommy, tell Daddy you’re feeding me wrong.” At which point, I just want to punch her in the throat. She makes comments like this on an hourly basis.

We’re planning on going up next week to visit for a four-day weekend. She called us up a couple days back to say that we should go to the supermarket to get a few good cuts of steak. This way we can season it up the way we like and bring it up to cook. DW cooks steak in a great, but different way. SM loves it and was basically saying we should buy some meat, season it, pack it for travel, bring it to her house, and cook it for her…… WTF? I’m considering canceling the trip. Or staying at a hotel, and only visiting the in-laws, not her and my dad. But that would not be fair to my dad.

I think tomorrow I’m going to call my dad, and tell him that he needs to talk to her. I don’t want this to get to the point where I can’t stand her anymore and it ruins my relationship with my dad.

Anonymous wrote:Tell your dad that you plan to stand up for yourself and to stop giving in to her passive aggressive manipulation. If you are traveling somewhere and she wants you to open the door for her, then get in the driver's seat, start the car, roll down the window and ask her to step into the car because you're waiting for her to get in. If she tries to make you open the door, let her know that it is her decision, but you plan to drive in 30 seconds with or without her. If she makes backhanded comments to your children such as "Tell Mommy that she is feeding you wrong." Just look at her and tell her that she should stop confusing your son with her quaint (or strange) ideas. I will sometimes look at a person and say "I'm sorry, but that's not how we're raising our son. Please don't confuse him. Tommy just remember how we do things at home." For the glasses that she brought to your house, leave them on the counter when they come to visit and when she asks about them, tell her that there wasn't room for them in the freezer and she should feel free to use your chilled glasses and that she's welcome to take hers home with her. Don't shop for the steaks and if she asks about them, tell her that you just didn't have time to shop since you have a young child, but if she didn't have time to prepare anything, you all can go out for dinner.

Start treating her like a 3 year old who is testing your limits. Put firm boundaries in place and follow through. Give her only choices that you want and do not offer her other options. She only has as much control (especially in your house and with your child) as you let her.