If you have concerns about his drinking, talk directly to him. Don't go through the stepmom. He'll just resent that. You need to treat him like an adult. Also, don't remove all the alcohol from your house. That'll also make him feel like you're treating him like a child. Just ask him if he's o.k. because you've noticed he's drinking a lot and go from there.

It would be better to have a nice healthy conversation with him instead of telling him to stop doing what he is doing. i am sure some love and motivation would make him realize what he is doing wrong unless he gets addicted to what he is doing. Its your duty as well as your step mothers to get him out of it and to make him feel confident. Also seek a medical advice before things get out of hand. Hope things get normal soon. Take care and best of luck

Why would you talk to either your step mom?

Unless she is voicing concerns about his drinking, I wouldn't go sticking your nose into his business. Is his drinking negatively impacting your family? Is it causing disruptions to the visit? If not, you don't go behind his back to gossip about him.

If you are actually very concerned, then talk to your dad. If this is a new concern you have, then you owe it to him to speak to him directly about your concerns.

Do you visit them often, are you actively involved in their life? I would suspect the increased drinking is more just a symptom of increasing depression, as might be the insomnia. I wouldn't make this about the drinking, I think your concerns are misguided and you are missing the bigger picture. Substance use is a key sign of depression in men.

Maybe try to have a pep talk with your dad about what a great guy he is etc. pass on the drinking issue. If he's going through a rough patch making him feel guilty isn't going to help. Talk with Step mom about her thoughts on how he's doing and if anything is concerning her.

A stiff drink is his generation's version of the prescription pills our generation takes to get to sleep.

I drink wine in the evenings and wouldn't be above doing a shot at 4am if I couldn't get to sleep. Let him live his life.

My dad also drinks wine pretty much from 3pm on. It bothers me, but that's how he has operated for a long time and I doubt it's going to change now. He's in his early 70s and is never noticeably drunk, but he drinks a lot.

I would not be surprised at all if he poured himself a stiff drink to help get back to sleep in the wee morning hours if he was suffering from insomnia. I probably wouldn't say anything about it, although it certainly wouldn't hurt to talk to your stepmom about it or even bring it up to him that you noticed and you're worried. Maybe it would be the push he needed to make changes, but probably not.

I know my stepmom would prefer my dad drink less, but I don't think any of us is really holding out hope that will happen at thins point. Talking to him or her might make you feel better though, that at least you did something.

I have a lot of experience with alcoholism from my now sober husband. This doesn't strike me as a huge problem since it doesn't really seem to be negatively affecting anyone's life in any major way. I wouldn't confront him on it but stay alert to potential abuse here. He's going through a really rough time. But I'd probably try to ask him how's he's feeling and get him to talk about what's bothering him.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he has pretty bad insomnia. He may or may not have a drinking problem. It is disconcerting enough though that I would have a casual conversation with his wife about it to see if this is normal, and if so I might talk to him about more productive coping mechanisms.

This. Insomnia is a bitch.

Tonight, get a box and move the bottles of liquor and wine after he goes to bed.

And talk to stepmom.

OP here. He's not hiding the afternoon and evening drinking and frankly that's less of a concern since its not out of the ordinary. I hear him get up at 4, get ice out of the ice maker and the bottle of rum in the house is slowly disappearing though everyone else just drinks wine. I'll talk to my stepmom about it if we can get some time alone.

How do you know he's drinking at 3? You see it? Then he's not hiding anything.

How do you know he's making a "stiff drink" at 4 a.m.? Hell, if he's been drinking since 3, he' probably suffering disruptive sleep patterns or needs to pee.

It sounds like he has pretty bad insomnia. He may or may not have a drinking problem. It is disconcerting enough though that I would have a casual conversation with his wife about it to see if this is normal, and if so I might talk to him about more productive coping mechanisms.

Yes, I would be concerned. You should say you're concerned because it will make you feel better and there is a slight possibility that it will have an effect. But if he is dependent on alcohol be prepared for your expression of concern to make no difference, except that he might get better at hiding it.

Are you close with his wife? If so, I would try to get more information from her about how much he drinks (unless she's a big drinker, too) and how long this has been going on. Then you should read up on alcoholism and the way it affects families. Then if you think it fits your family, you may want to try Al-Anon. Good luck, OP. I can tell you love your dad.

My dad is 65 and visiting with my stepmom. He is semi retired and lost a big client right before Christmas. My stepmom says he's depressed and feeling like his usefulness in his business is waning. He doesn't have any hobbies other than watching cnbc or the history channel. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he's been waking up around 4 in the morning, making himself a stuff drink and going back to bed. Should I say anything or be concerned? FWIW, he also drinks wine through the day starting around 3.