My MIL and I are from different countries and our notions of her role in our parenting decisions are fundamentally different, largely due to cultural differences rather than personality, so I try not to take it too personally and ignore as much of it as I can. When my patience wears thin, I go with:

"Hm, fascinating. . ." and walk away
"Oh, interesting. That's not really my style."
"Yeah, I heard that was really popular a few decades back, but actually my ped recommends . . ."

When I really just need her out of my hair, I send her off with: "You know, you've been on your feet all day. You deserve some relaxation time! Why don't you go draw yourself a nice bath, use the bath salts, read a book. I'll call you when dinner's ready."

^ I like that one

"Wow! Honey, did you hear what your mom just said? MIL, tell DH what you just told me."

"Would you say that to a friend? or a neighbor? Well, don't say it to me!"

'Do people really still say stuff like that?'

Or you could just burst hysterically into tears and be very melodramatic. Would be so funny later.

"Did you really just say that? Wow." Then walk away.

I don't do snappy comebacks, but use what 16:32 said for my mother's insane comments.

Anonymous wrote:Don't take it personally or seriously. Forget snappy--what you want it to make it clear that you do not give one shit what she thinks of you. OR respond like you would if your kid said something mean and you were educating them on basic manners.

"Huh. You think so?"
"Thanks for noticing."
"I guess we all do things our own way."
"Different strokes for different folks."
"Wow."
"That's not a nice thing to say."
"In our family, we don't talk like that."
"Why are you so negative today?"
"Why would you say something like that?"
"...."

I LOVE this! Not the OP but thank you.

Don't take it personally or seriously. Forget snappy--what you want it to make it clear that you do not give one shit what she thinks of you. OR respond like you would if your kid said something mean and you were educating them on basic manners.

"Huh. You think so?"
"Thanks for noticing."
"I guess we all do things our own way."
"Different strokes for different folks."
"Wow."
"That's not a nice thing to say."
"In our family, we don't talk like that."
"Why are you so negative today?"
"Why would you say something like that?"
"...."

Bless your heart

Don't react to her in anger, that's what she wants. Just smile and say "WOW THANKS FOR NOTICING!" if she calls you fat/ugly/etc. You could also try a long pause while looking at her steadily. You can then say something like, "tell me what you REALLY think MIL?"

If you gang up with someone else, you could laugh and say, "oh MIL you always know exactly what I want to hear, don't you?!"

Don't take her seriously, thats what she wants.

What kind of criticisms? Veiled or out in the open? Snappy comebacks differ by what kind of bitchiness she's displaying.

Any snappy comebacks? Much appreciated.

If you do not have a critical MIL, be grateful and go on to the next post.....