Why are you not more upset that he didn't know where the kids were? You're kind of burying the lede here in my opinion.

Anonymous wrote:You would let him cancel dinner bc you overslept and he watched TV?? The kids didn't do anything wrong. Does that mean you don't get to eat dinner either bc he canceled it? You're right; this is weird.

If he had tried to do it there would have been a lot of screaming, yelling and crying. The last time he threatened to cancel a dinner he was making it so I said the kids and I would go out. We did finally eat but not before the kids had been screamed at and sent to their rooms in tears for messing up dinner by having a snack. So I'm not sure how it would have played out but it would have been a scene when I contradicted him and insisted the kids had to eat something even if not the special dinner.

You would let him cancel dinner bc you overslept and he watched TV?? The kids didn't do anything wrong. Does that mean you don't get to eat dinner either bc he canceled it? You're right; this is weird.

Your post is a little jumbled but as far as I can figure out -- your plans for the day didn't go as you expected -- you fell asleep and woke up late for dinner. Your husband seemed passive aggressive, telling you dinner was "cancelled" and he couldn't find the children. You seem afraid of his anger and afraid of doing something wrong, like a child -- falling asleep instead of getting dinner ready. He has explosive outbursts and you dance in circles to avoid them.

OP, you sound like you are living in an abusive environment. Get help.

Anonymous wrote:When you say weird - do you think he is having episodes relating to whatever he is being medicated for, or perhaps the medication itself? If he were elderly I would be concerned with mental status changes, but it doesn't sound like he is of advanced age. It does sound a bit weird, but would make perfect sense if he had indeed fallen asleep.

I have no idea. He is not of advanced age. He is mid-40s. I thought he must have fallen asleep but he denied it. He does that sometimes, though - he will deny somehting if he thinks somehow it can be used against him (even when the thing is patently true). It drives me a little crazy. Since we weren't in the middle of an argument, though, I don't know why he would have denied it.

The drug he is on is an anti-depressant but it is also supposed to help with explosive outbursts. He also recently stopped drinking, but I wondered if the holiday anger meant he was sneaking on those days. In the case of New Year's, though, it was not a very long period of time, so I;m not sure that is it. Who knows? Certainly not me.

He won't discuss anythng about his therapy or treatment with me so I will just have to watch out for myself and the kids, I guess, and see how it goes.

He's not your mom. Stay awake and do what you need to do. Or sleep if you want to sleep.

When you say weird - do you think he is having episodes relating to whatever he is being medicated for, or perhaps the medication itself? If he were elderly I would be concerned with mental status changes, but it doesn't sound like he is of advanced age. It does sound a bit weird, but would make perfect sense if he had indeed fallen asleep.

Anonymous wrote:I'm still stuck on the part where you say you both don't fit on the couch....

Why? We have two smaller couches and four chairs (plus a coffee table) in our family room. What is so weird about that?

On the off chance you are implying one of us is obese, far from it. I am at the low end of normal for my height. I have a hard time fitting on one of those couches with my skinny eight year old, let alone another adult.

I'm still stuck on the part where you say you both don't fit on the couch....

Anonymous wrote:What's weird is that when he woke me up at7he said the kisser reminding,that've had looked all over, but they weren't, and that he said we would have to cancel dinner since it was so late. Why not wake me up sooner if you are worried about dinner? That's why I wondered if he fell asleep.

kisser reminding, that've had = kids were mising, that he'd looked

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's weird. Is his anger a reaction to holiday stress, or part of a bigger trend?

That said, why did you "frantically" work to pull dinner together? Are you anxiously reacting to an uncomfortable holiday atmosphere? What's the story with that - "frantically" sounds like an over-reaction on your part, or else an indirect attempt to elicit some kind of response from him. If there's something weird going on, then one of you needs to be prepared not to feed the crazy.

Yes, I was afraid he really would cancel dinner and send the kids to bed with no dinner. He threatens stuff like that all the time, so I figured if I could do everything quick enough I could stop it.

I posted before and asked whether people thought it was better or worse for the kids to live in a situation like this and the view was since he just started taking meds and is supposed to do some therapy give it a chance. I have to say, though, that having the holidays so messed up didn't really help things for me. The anger thing isn't new but the alternate reality thing (kids are missing) is new.

What's weird is that when he woke me up at7he said the kisser reminding,that've had looked all over, but they weren't, and that he said we would have to cancel dinner since it was so late. Why not wake me up sooner if you are worried about dinner? That's why I wondered if he fell asleep.

Yes, it's weird. Is his anger a reaction to holiday stress, or part of a bigger trend?

That said, why did you "frantically" work to pull dinner together? Are you anxiously reacting to an uncomfortable holiday atmosphere? What's the story with that - "frantically" sounds like an over-reaction on your part, or else an indirect attempt to elicit some kind of response from him. If there's something weird going on, then one of you needs to be prepared not to feed the crazy.

I don't get it. What's weird about what happened? Why would he want to wake you up if you were asleep? If I fall asleep at an odd time during the day, my husband would figure out that I must be quite tired and he would let me sleep and refresh myself.

DH wanted to watch a bowl game yesterday at 5:40 pm. NY dinner was still slow cooking on the grill with a target dinner time of 7 pm. I asked him to come upstairs to watch it since our couch is too small for us both to for comfortably on it. He said he would be along in a few minutes.

I went up to our room, surfed the web a bit and fell asleep. I was not feeling that great so I guess I needed the rest.

The next thing I know, it is 7 pm, and DH has burst into the room saying he can't find the kids who were playing in the back yard when I went upstairs and that he guessed we'd just have dinner tomorrow since it was so late.

I jumped up and started running around looking for the kids. He said they probably went next door without asking and should be grounded. I opened the front door and called out in case they were playing in the driveway. I immediately hear footsteps coming up from the basement and here are the kids.

I next frantically try to do the side dishes for dinner. I ask about the main course. He says it has been done forever yet it is still on the grill. The kids and I manage to get everything made and on the table in 30 minutes while the main course rests.

I ask why he didn't come up. He says I was asleep. I asked why he didn't wake me up because I thought we'd watch the game together. He says he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. I said I didn't understand any of what happened and asked if he fell asleep on the couch. He denied it.

I feel like I am living in some bizarre parallel universe. First Christmas was bad because of his yelling at the kids, and New Year's Eve was somewhat also. Now this weirdness on New Year's Day. I don't know what to think. Anyone have any thoughts?