Anonymous wrote:Oh no question it was intentional. I had to forcibly push away from him and remove him from my arm.

OP, this is now a safety issue, which trumps your DH's right to see his family with his immediate family. If the family member will be there, you will not, nor will your children. He is not welcome in your house. If DH wants to attend functions with him without you and the kids, that's his right, although I'd have a serious talk about why he thinks this isn't a deal breaker.

DH should be completely on board with this.

Anonymous wrote:Cam we stop blaming the victim.

Who is blaming the victim? No one here asked any stupid questions like "what did you do to upset the family member?" Or "Are you sure you're not overreacting?" The way I read it, posters are trying to get OP to take this serious enough that her husband needs to be involved and any family visits where this family member will be are done.

Can your husband and other members of his family work on getting the sibling some needed help?

In the mean time, he should be standing by your side. Physical aggression is non negotiable. Some people definitely have absurd and exaggerated reasons for their IL drama, but violence is out of the question, always. If this awful relative isn't getting help, then it's fair to not have him over, and ask that he not be places where you or the kids are.

Cam we stop blaming the victim.

So tell us again why you don't want to inconvenience your husband when someone left a bruise on his wife???

Get a restraining order?

Oh no question it was intentional. I had to forcibly push away from him and remove him from my arm.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He didn't hit me, but he grabbed me so hard. I think it's the same thing.

If it was an intentionally aggressive grab, and not like you guys were arm wrestling and he didn't know his own strength, then yes, I agree it's the same thing.

OP here. He didn't hit me, but he grabbed me so hard. I think it's the same thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I hate to go into details as one of the siblings is in the area and I know reads DCUM, but let's just say that he has a really short fuse and he left a bruise on me.

Anyone that hits anyone, either with their hands or with an object, is non-negotiable. Some people have some really stupid IL drama, but violence and bruises are out of the question. He should never be allowed in your home, or around your children in any other setting - especially if they are not in some treatment for violence and volatility. Your spouse really ought to back you up on that. This is a no-brainer.

+100

If this person has hit you recently in a voluntary way (not an accident), then you should not subject your family to his presence, and have good reason to never go to a family function where this person is misguidedly invited.

Your DH and yourself have I hope told the family, and explained that you can no longer tolerate his presence.
Also declare yourself perfectly ready to call police if ever he does it again.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I hate to go into details as one of the siblings is in the area and I know reads DCUM, but let's just say that he has a really short fuse and he left a bruise on me.

Anyone that hits anyone, either with their hands or with an object, is non-negotiable. Some people have some really stupid IL drama, but violence and bruises are out of the question. He should never be allowed in your home, or around your children in any other setting - especially if they are not in some treatment for violence and volatility. Your spouse really ought to back you up on that. This is a no-brainer.

OP here. I hate to go into details as one of the siblings is in the area and I know reads DCUM, but let's just say that he has a really short fuse and he left a bruise on me.

Can you give some examples of this person's awfulness, so we can gauge what exactly you're dealing with?

After a recent incident over the holidays, I cannot allow a certain family member in our house nor do I have any desire to go to a family function where he will be present. I also do not feel safe having this loose cannon around my children. I recognize, however, that it is simply not realistic for us to avoid seeing my DH's family, nor is it fair for my DH to have to distance himself from the family because this guy is just so out of line. I know from these boards that lots of people have experienced this situation, so how do you realistically handle family gatherings? We definitely will not to do family trips with siblings any longer, but what do I do about holidays? Can I ban him from our house?