Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 13:14     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
Anonymous wrote:8:01 here....wow...I posted something good.


Good job 8:01.

Thank you for a great post. Many women do need to read this. Especially when we are socialized into thinking we should not hurt anyone when we reject them. Men are resilient. If we say "No" clearly, they will get it and they will move on.

Sorry, you had to go through that in college, but, this was a great perspective to share.


Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 13:05     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
Tell him about your HSV-2 - he'll lose interest.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 09:31     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
8:01 here....wow...I posted something good.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 09:18     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes....send the message. Make it unambiguous. Some people want things to work out, and will read anything that can be used to let down easily as a a chance. Some of these people are simply naive. Watch the romantic comedies: how many started when she blows him off, but they end up together (e.g., When Harry Met Sally).

I know. I am a male, and when in college, I misread the social cues, and did not realize I was stalking a girl. She was totally freaked out by me -- and I thought I was doing romantic things. She never said no. She said things like, "I am busy then." This was before rampant electronic communications...So I arranged to run into her. One day, the campus police talked to me. My only defense was that she never said no....only not today. I thought she was hinting at me. I apologized to her (through the police). I saw her once after that, about 2 years later, as I was leaving Blacksburg for the last time (at the gas station). She said hi, and that was it....or was it an opening . I have no idea where she lives, nor do I care.

My point is guys often get mixed messages...some women want to be pursued...hard to get. There is a line between stalking and romance. It is a fine line. It has to be drawn unambiguosly. "I am not interested in going out with you. "



This is really good advice! As a female, I'm guilty of not being as direct as I should be in a situation like this. My first choice of action would be to not respond at all. But if I did respond is probably not want to hurt his feelings and not be direct. I can see how the non-direct approach could be misconstrued.


Agree. Thank you for posting this. Many, many women need to read this.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 09:10     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
Anonymous wrote:Yes....send the message. Make it unambiguous. Some people want things to work out, and will read anything that can be used to let down easily as a a chance. Some of these people are simply naive. Watch the romantic comedies: how many started when she blows him off, but they end up together (e.g., When Harry Met Sally).

I know. I am a male, and when in college, I misread the social cues, and did not realize I was stalking a girl. She was totally freaked out by me -- and I thought I was doing romantic things. She never said no. She said things like, "I am busy then." This was before rampant electronic communications...So I arranged to run into her. One day, the campus police talked to me. My only defense was that she never said no....only not today. I thought she was hinting at me. I apologized to her (through the police). I saw her once after that, about 2 years later, as I was leaving Blacksburg for the last time (at the gas station). She said hi, and that was it....or was it an opening . I have no idea where she lives, nor do I care.

My point is guys often get mixed messages...some women want to be pursued...hard to get. There is a line between stalking and romance. It is a fine line. It has to be drawn unambiguosly. "I am not interested in going out with you. "



This is really good advice! As a female, I'm guilty of not being as direct as I should be in a situation like this. My first choice of action would be to not respond at all. But if I did respond is probably not want to hurt his feelings and not be direct. I can see how the non-direct approach could be misconstrued.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 08:01     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
Yes....send the message. Make it unambiguous. Some people want things to work out, and will read anything that can be used to let down easily as a a chance. Some of these people are simply naive. Watch the romantic comedies: how many started when she blows him off, but they end up together (e.g., When Harry Met Sally).

I know. I am a male, and when in college, I misread the social cues, and did not realize I was stalking a girl. She was totally freaked out by me -- and I thought I was doing romantic things. She never said no. She said things like, "I am busy then." This was before rampant electronic communications...So I arranged to run into her. One day, the campus police talked to me. My only defense was that she never said no....only not today. I thought she was hinting at me. I apologized to her (through the police). I saw her once after that, about 2 years later, as I was leaving Blacksburg for the last time (at the gas station). She said hi, and that was it....or was it an opening . I have no idea where she lives, nor do I care.

My point is guys often get mixed messages...some women want to be pursued...hard to get. There is a line between stalking and romance. It is a fine line. It has to be drawn unambiguosly. "I am not interested in going out with you. "
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 07:41     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Thanks for the dinner Bob. I think it's best if we part ways. Take care."


I like this reply. Maybe add

"Thanks for the dinner Bob. I don't think we were a good match so it's best if we part ways. Take care."


+1 - stop responding but only after you send this unequivocal message. Otherwise the slow fade/non-response leaves the desperate room to fool themselves into thinking you might be interested.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 07:28     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
Some like "Thanks for the chance to meet you. Having met you, I know that we are not compatible. Goodbye"
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 06:35     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
I have trouble with this too. You should be clear and tell him you're not interested and/or stop responding to everything.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2013 05:24     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
OP, if there are so many red flags, just say no. Making plans sends the wrong message.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2013 21:52     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
Anonymous wrote:"Thanks for the dinner Bob. I think it's best if we part ways. Take care."


I like this reply. Maybe add

"Thanks for the dinner Bob. I don't think we were a good match so it's best if we part ways. Take care."
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2013 21:47     Subject: Re:Only one date, how to let down
Don't reply
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2013 21:46     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
One date1?!? If he's that weird, sometimes going AWOL is best. Just a thought, because any response can be perceived as a "maybe."

Silence is sometimes best.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2013 21:39     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
"Thanks for the dinner Bob. I think it's best if we part ways. Take care."
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2013 21:31     Subject: Only one date, how to let down
Went on one date with a guy and there are so many red flags I don't know where to begin.

I was willing to give him another shot and then he sent a series of weird text messages and I was done. He continues to send them and we 'planned' to go on another date. What do I say to communicate I'm no longer interested in the next date.