I would not be annoyed. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on the fact that you have family to share this time with.

Anonymous wrote:Give her a nice card and tell her you're giving her the gift of anticipation. She's an adult, not a small child.

Yeah, this.

You can have a nice card for her under the tree with a fun message saying your brother got wires crossed with Santa and the gift (coming from both of you) is delayed.

Honestly, I would let it go at that. Is it such a terrible deal to not have anything under the tree when you know there is a big present coming soon?

We don't have money to buy each other gifts this year, DH and I. We're buying for the kids. It's fine.

Give her a nice card and tell her you're giving her the gift of anticipation. She's an adult, not a small child.

This is why I don't do joint gifts. Too much drama!

You sound kind of controlling

Once someone is a grandparent presumably their primary enjoyment at Xmas is seeing the kids open their gifts. I can't imagine any mature adult who'd feel resentful about waiting to open a gift for a few days when all her adult children are together. It's fine to be annoyed that your brother hanged the plan (just as its fine that he wanted to be there to see her open it) but I wouldnt bother racing around to get some random replacement gift. Just wrap up a note saying her present is coming when you are all together.

Anonymous wrote:Buy gifts seperately from now on. He was probably annoyed that you wanted to hand over a gift he contributed to, so he beat you to it.

OP here, like I said, if he wanted to wait until he got here, he should have told me instead of telling me he would send it down with her. Also, we got a similar joint gift for my dad who is staying up there for Christmas and they gave it to him last night without telling me about it. I know in this case I couldn't have been there but maybe we could have Skyped.

Buy gifts seperately from now on. He was probably annoyed that you wanted to hand over a gift he contributed to, so he beat you to it.

Anonymous wrote:Buy her the exact same gift yourself and give it first. Brother can return his. That's some ridiculous bullshit.

Hahaha. That would be hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

OP here. I don't have time to go to the mall, that's part of the annoyance. If I had known ahead of time, I would have gone to the mall this past weekend but I'm working a full day today, then we are having dinner at the in laws. Mom may not care to have to wait till brother gets here but I will feel bad watching her sit there with no gift while the rest of us open ours tomorrow.

I don't plan on mentioning this to my brother when he arrives. I already emailed them about it, that's enough.

Buy her the exact same gift yourself and give it first. Brother can return his. That's some ridiculous bullshit.

Will your mom really care if you tell her you and your brother are giving the gift when you're all together?

Go down to the mall and find something nice. When you see your brother, let him know how you feel but don't make this into a drama. Let it go and enjoy your time with your family. Next year, you can try the group present thing again but let him know that if you don't hear from him by X date, you're going ahead with something else on your own.

Suggested to brother that we chip in on an expensive electronics purchase for mom this year. Gave some suggestions, didn't really hear back, then suddenly he had went ahead and bought it. Mom and brother live in same city but mom is spending Christmas with me in VA this year. Brother and his family are coming down on the 30th. So I asked brother to send gift down to me so mom can open on Christmas day. He said it had already shipped on its way to him but he would give it to her wrapped to bring down with her. Somewhere along the way, apparently he changed his mind and wanted to be there when she opens it. But he didn't let me know, so now I have nothing for her to open tomorrow. I emailed him and his wife to let them know I was annoyed but there's really nothing that can be done at this point. Would have been fine waiting for all to arrive for her to open it if I had also had a chance to buy her something else to open on Christmas day. Now I am scrambling last minute to find something that doesn't scream "I bought this at CVS because I had nothing else for you".