Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OR continue with this marriage for financial reasons and kids and find my own happiness on the side.

That would NOT be fine in my book, because it means tacitly acquiescing to whatever potentially horrific activities he gets up to. Stories like this crop up on the news from time to time, and everyone can hardly believe the spouse was ignorant the whole time. Are you morally fine with that?

And I would add: why would subject your kids to living in that mess? That's just plain fucked up. Be the stronger parent. They need it.

Guaranteed that she has no means to make an income. I'd bet money she is a dependant.

16:14 here. Actually my assumption is that he is cheating on you. Why would you raise your children in a home where you are giving tacit approval to that? Why would model for them that marriage is a loveless sham?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OR continue with this marriage for financial reasons and kids and find my own happiness on the side.

That would NOT be fine in my book, because it means tacitly acquiescing to whatever potentially horrific activities he gets up to. Stories like this crop up on the news from time to time, and everyone can hardly believe the spouse was ignorant the whole time. Are you morally fine with that?

And I would add: why would subject your kids to living in that mess? That's just plain fucked up. Be the stronger parent. They need it.

The assumption here is that he is doing something criminal, vs. cheating on me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OR continue with this marriage for financial reasons and kids and find my own happiness on the side.

That would NOT be fine in my book, because it means tacitly acquiescing to whatever potentially horrific activities he gets up to. Stories like this crop up on the news from time to time, and everyone can hardly believe the spouse was ignorant the whole time. Are you morally fine with that?

And I would add: why would subject your kids to living in that mess? That's just plain fucked up. Be the stronger parent. They need it.

Anonymous wrote:OR continue with this marriage for financial reasons and kids and find my own happiness on the side.

That would NOT be fine in my book, because it means tacitly acquiescing to whatever potentially horrific activities he gets up to. Stories like this crop up on the news from time to time, and everyone can hardly believe the spouse was ignorant the whole time. Are you morally fine with that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Control issues much?

No. In fact, none.

I have not asked for explanations for years. He has acted very secretive through out. He disappears in the evenings, weekends, just leaves the house and is not reachable via phone or text. For hours. No explanations when he comes back.

Maybe I am an idiot and there is some one else involved.

But today I have just let go.

Come on. You know this is not okay. Resolve to make 2014 the year you see a good therapist and figure out how to gather up enough self-esteem to kick this jackass to the curb. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

What you are saying is true. And I am resolute to find a way.

I need to figure out either an exit strategy (therapy, divorce, custody) OR continue with this marriage for financial reasons and kids and find my own happiness on the side.

PP again - actually, as long as it's not criminal but merely immoral, I'd be relieved in your shoes (right before you kick him out).

Anonymous wrote:
I have not asked for explanations for years. He has acted very secretive through out. He disappears in the evenings, weekends, just leaves the house and is not reachable via phone or text. For hours. No explanations when he comes back.

With this level of enabling from you, his spouse, why on earth should your husband change anything about his little habits, whatever they are? Maybe it's adultery, gambling, video games, drugs, making child porn... the point is that such a lack of communication and respect is not healthy life for a couple. I cannot fathom why you have not done anything about it for years

If you don't like being treated this way, stop whining and DO something about it. Like a trial separation until he either cleans up or you get divorced. Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Control issues much?

No. In fact, none.

I have not asked for explanations for years. He has acted very secretive through out. He disappears in the evenings, weekends, just leaves the house and is not reachable via phone or text. For hours. No explanations when he comes back.

Maybe I am an idiot and there is some one else involved.

But today I have just let go.

Come on. You know this is not okay. Resolve to make 2014 the year you see a good therapist and figure out how to gather up enough self-esteem to kick this jackass to the curb. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Control issues much?

No. In fact, none.

I have not asked for explanations for years. He has acted very secretive through out. He disappears in the evenings, weekends, just leaves the house and is not reachable via phone or text. For hours. No explanations when he comes back.

Maybe I am an idiot and there is some one else involved.

But today I have just let go.

Anonymous wrote:OMG, me three! I came here to start this thread, and found this instead.

We needed to get so many things done today, and he zips off to meet a friend, without telling me. Has done this for a number of years. This guy calls and he leaves everything and goes and meets him.

Yeah, I know people will jump in here and tell me that it is sexual or something. The thing is I don't care, whatever the heck he does. I do not think that it is anything like that at all.

I care that he is not home when I want him to be. I care that he will not try and make up for the nights he is too tired to have sex. And I care that despite me telling him that I hate this friend, he will pull this stunt on me.

I am so done with him emotionally. Oh, he will still get what he gets from me since we married. But a lot of things that I never did was because I cared for him emotionally. This frees me to do what a lot of other married women do. Merry Christmas, asshole.

lol and what is that

Wow. Control issues much?

OMG, me three! I came here to start this thread, and found this instead.

We needed to get so many things done today, and he zips off to meet a friend, without telling me. Has done this for a number of years. This guy calls and he leaves everything and goes and meets him.

Yeah, I know people will jump in here and tell me that it is sexual or something. The thing is I don't care, whatever the heck he does. I do not think that it is anything like that at all.

I care that he is not home when I want him to be. I care that he will not try and make up for the nights he is too tired to have sex. And I care that despite me telling him that I hate this friend, he will pull this stunt on me.

I am so done with him emotionally. Oh, he will still get what he gets from me since we married. But a lot of things that I never did was because I cared for him emotionally. This frees me to do what a lot of other married women do. Merry Christmas, asshole.

Omg, me too!

I don't know how anyone stays married.