Anonymous wrote:I have bipolar. I'm so very scared that I am doing (or will do) these sorts of things to my children and they are going to be scarred for life and in therapy for 30 years, unable to have any healthy relationships. Or, I have genetically passed it on to them.

You can't do much about the genes, but being open and age appropriate about your illness, limitations, and triggers will be key. It's also on you to stay in therapy and figure out ways to work with your illness to respond to your kids reasonably.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your stories PPs.

OP here, I'm asking because my child is very young (4). I have primary physical custody, but DC's father, who is mentally ill, has visitations.

I don't want to bring up the mental illness issue until it's age appropriate. My child already experiences the anger outbursts over nothing. It's as someone described, like walking on eggshells.

If your parents divorced what could the other parent have done or did to make you feel better about the situation?

Just divorcing him would have been the best thing my mother could have done. It would have validated the part where it felt like we were always being screamed at over nothing. Instead, she tried to run the household in the mythical way that would prevent his outbursts. Nothing prevented them, and we always knew we came in waaaay behind him in "things she was concerned about." My point is, you keep telling them you know it's bad sometimes when they're there, but you get it, he's wrong, and they should in no way believe him when he says there's anything wrong with them.

Also, when they get older and don't want to spend as much time with him, be prepared to be the rock he crashes against to keep him from raging at them.

Anonymous wrote:I have bipolar. I'm so very scared that I am doing (or will do) these sorts of things to my children and they are going to be scarred for life and in therapy for 30 years, unable to have any healthy relationships. Or, I have genetically passed it on to them.

Are you on medication and in therapy? My mom has untreated bipolar disease and my childhood was pretty rough. Thankfully I've been able to have relatively healthy relationships and am married to an amazing man, but my mom caused a lot of damage. Please go to regular therapy and find medication that works. My best friend is also bipolar and being treated and is an amazing and wonderful friend. Nothing like my mom

Thank you for your stories PPs.

OP here, I'm asking because my child is very young (4). I have primary physical custody, but DC's father, who is mentally ill, has visitations.

I don't want to bring up the mental illness issue until it's age appropriate. My child already experiences the anger outbursts over nothing. It's as someone described, like walking on eggshells.

If your parents divorced what could the other parent have done or did to make you feel better about the situation?

I have bipolar. I'm so very scared that I am doing (or will do) these sorts of things to my children and they are going to be scarred for life and in therapy for 30 years, unable to have any healthy relationships. Or, I have genetically passed it on to them.

my mother suffers from some major anxiety and depression about the death of her mother. that all went down when I was in high school; so I was old enough to know what was going on and scared about it. my parents never talked about it. still don't. that said, she was basically together, or seemed that way, for most of my childhood; so I don't know that it has affected my adulthood a great deal.

my husband's mother has some chronic and untreated mental illness. (my armchair diagnosis is bipolar, but she has refused to go anywhere near a shrink since she was briefly institutionalized in the 60s.) he remembers her mood swings from when he was a small child, and says she actually refused to speak to him for a month when he was 10. around high school, he just cut the cord and sees her/talks to her/deals with her as little as possible. it's fair to say he has attachment issues. they've been trying to reconnect since DD was born . . .

I was probably 11 or 12. My mom was very depressed and got fired from her job - I guess because she was not showing up enough. Looking back, there were signs before this.

I realized around junior or senior yr of high school. It affected me as early as early elementary school. She still denies it.

My mom suffers from severe depression and anxiety. It dawned on me when I started suffering the same, and I finally understood.

My father's mental illness affected all of us my entire life (bipolar, probably, or possibly borderline personality disorder). He was scary, unpredictable, called us names, etc.. I use to dream about the house burning down and killing him as a child, and when I was older, I just hoped they'd get a divorce (never did).

He finally told me when I was in college and taking anti-depressants after recovering from two years of anorexia that he had been on lithium in college. It was the first time it had even occurred to me that there might be an explanation for his behavior (and a genetic component to my own struggles).

I was in my mid-twenties before I realized you were supposed to be nice to people who loved you, and in my thirties before I was really able to open up emotionally.

Anonymous wrote:I think I always knew my mom was bipolar. It didn't dawn on me just how bad it had been until I was away from her in college. It impacted me throughout my life. We walked on pins and needles around her. I have a hard trusting that people around me aren't privately seething at me, and going to have some huge outburst over a minor infraction. DH sometimes gets peeved because I slip into a pattern of constantly asking if he is mad at me. I feel like living with my mom made me an incredibly anxious person. I have spent years in therapy undoing the damage.

Yup, this is my life as well! Although my mother was like this with the bonus of intense paranoia and delusional thinking as well. I am almost 30 and I did not realize that this was a very real illness and not "mom being mom" until just a couple of years ago. Oh the agony I would have been spared if I just realized this sooner, or if some other adult had said "it's not you, your mom is sick"!

Anonymous wrote:I think I always knew my mom was bipolar. It didn't dawn on me just how bad it had been until I was away from her in college. It impacted me throughout my life. We walked on pins and needles around her. I have a hard trusting that people around me aren't privately seething at me, and going to have some huge outburst over a minor infraction. DH sometimes gets peeved because I slip into a pattern of constantly asking if he is mad at me. I feel like living with my mom made me an incredibly anxious person. I have spent years in therapy undoing the damage.

I should also add, my mom has had stints in residential treatment as well. My grandparents were
caregivers during those periods, and I always felt safer with them. My parents were divorced, and I often ended up taking care of my mom when she was not functional.

I think I always knew my mom was bipolar. It didn't dawn on me just how bad it had been until I was away from her in college. It impacted me throughout my life. We walked on pins and needles around her. I have a hard trusting that people around me aren't privately seething at me, and going to have some huge outburst over a minor infraction. DH sometimes gets peeved because I slip into a pattern of constantly asking if he is mad at me. I feel like living with my mom made me an incredibly anxious person. I have spent years in therapy undoing the damage.

My mom was in residential treatment a few times when I was a kid. I remember visiting her as early as maybe 6 or 7.

I remember being scared and lonely that early for sure. It was probably not until I was close to 10 that I understood that she was really different from other moms in a way that made my life really difficult by comparison.

She was also in residential treatment soon after I was born for severe PPD. I lived with an aunt for months. I didn't find out about that until I was a teen, but I believe that that separation from my parents at an early age had a major negative impact on my level of attachment to them and my feeling of safety and security in general. I didn't know that as a kid, though.

At what age did it dawn on you that they were not mentally healthy?

At what age did you feel his/her mental illness affected your well-being?