BIL needs to grow a pair and deal with his ex.

Let your husband determine the time-schedule for this. Why is your social life so important? Why is it more important than his? It's his family. How about just this once, step back. If this were to become a consistent annoyance year after year then you shouldn't have to put up with it. But how about just this once you chill.

I would be thrilled she was dragging her feet and I would make other plans that provided a MIL free holiday. I wouldn't even give it a second thought.

Anonymous wrote:I would be a little upset but would follow through with the timeline given to your MIL. Why don't you host? Your BIL and mil and the kids (if he has them) can come to your house?

Most likely, her trailer isn't large enough.

OP here.
The issue is solved, thanks for the replies but this thread can die now.

Are these other plans from family or friends? Don't you want to spend the holidays with your family?

The fact that you have responded to several posts in such a short time makes me wonder if you are a troll or if you are some kind of crank. But in case you're not, here's my response:

OP, it sounds like BIL is in a tough situation as far as trying to negotiate with the ex. MIL is trying to give him space to work out his plans with someone who may or may not be cooperative.

Are you mad because you feel that your MIL is favoring your BIL and his kid(s) over your husband and your kids? Otherwise, try to be compassionate and just make whatever plans you want to make next time, and if it works out that you can see your in-laws, great! If not, then try to figure out alternative times to be together.

You're a real peach op

Anonymous wrote:She had a deadline of today to firm up plans, so I'd have DH call her tomorrow to see if she made up her mind. If not, accept one of the other invitations and don't accept any guilt.

I guess DH scared her because she just firmed up the plans. All is well now.

Anonymous wrote:I would be a little upset but would follow through with the timeline given to your MIL. Why don't you host? Your BIL and mil and the kids (if he has them) can come to your house?

Why would I host? I don't want to.

Anonymous wrote:I would take a step back and figure out why you are really upset about this because it doesn't sound like it can only be about where you will spend Christmas Eve or Christmas day. Why do you have to have this decide soon? Do you have to make travel plans? Are your other invitations going to expire then or can you actually give your BIL a few more days without foreclosing any of your other plans? Are you just upset that your MIL seems to be favoring your BIL and his family in making plans? Are your other possible plans with family (your family?) or with friends?

It just seems like there is a lot more going on here than just a discussion of Christmas Eve/Christmas Day or you wouldn't be this upset about having to wait a week to make plans.

No, it's just what I said. It's two weeks before the day and I have been invited elsewhere and others have been waiting for my reply. I can't keep stringing people along.

I would be a little upset but would follow through with the timeline given to your MIL. Why don't you host? Your BIL and mil and the kids (if he has them) can come to your house?

She had a deadline of today to firm up plans, so I'd have DH call her tomorrow to see if she made up her mind. If not, accept one of the other invitations and don't accept any guilt.

I would take a step back and figure out why you are really upset about this because it doesn't sound like it can only be about where you will spend Christmas Eve or Christmas day. Why do you have to have this decide soon? Do you have to make travel plans? Are your other invitations going to expire then or can you actually give your BIL a few more days without foreclosing any of your other plans? Are you just upset that your MIL seems to be favoring your BIL and his family in making plans? Are your other possible plans with family (your family?) or with friends?

It just seems like there is a lot more going on here than just a discussion of Christmas Eve/Christmas Day or you wouldn't be this upset about having to wait a week to make plans.

BIL is divorced and lives with the IL's. He shares custody with his ex wife, they have been divorced about five years.

Anyway, MIL is refusing to firm up Xmas plans with us. She won't confirm whether she is hosting Xmas eve or Xmas day. It all depends on when BIL has the kids. So DH told her she has until today to firm up plans as were are invited to other places as well, we are giving her first choice on dates. Everything is revolving around when BIL has the kids.
So, I am essentially held hostage by her.
Then she says, BIL doesn't want to upset the ex by asking about Xmas??? wtf.... I guess he doesn't care about upsetting us.
Isn't this all spelled out in the custody arrangements??? MIL said no it's not, they decide each year.

If we don't hear back very soon, we are making other plans.

Advice? Comments?