Anonymous wrote:The coach is probably some nutty child psychologist who thinks that "we lost" would be damaging to their psyche.

Unlikely. More likely the coach follows the guidelines of the Positive Coaching Alliance. http://positivecoach.org/

Look, if you get a coach at the younger age who's all about winning and losing, he or she is also the type of coach to berate a child for a bad play, act like a drill seargent during practice, and play stronger players over weak ones in a rec league.

Hypercompetitiveness in sports for 10 and under only leads to burnout, injuries, and resentment. Save it for later.

Anonymous wrote:been involved in kiddie sports for 5 years now (DS#1 is 10) and a couple months back, for the first time, i heard 8-yo DS#2's coach talking about a game that "we didn't win," then last weekend after DS#1 soccer game he answered his brother's inquiry with "we didn't win."

so, i'm wondering if this not unusual in these age groups for coaches/kids to not say they've lost a game.

full disclosure - i'm not a competitive person and sucked big time in sports growing up, so i'm really not judging, but when i overheard DS#2's coach said that, i immediately thought well that's unfair to the other team to not acknowledge their victory, even among your own players. and then i heard DS#1 used the exact phrase. i don't know where this sits in the grand scheme of sportsmanship but felt compelled to ask the BTDT parents/coaches on here whether this warrants further discussion with my kids.

by the way these are rec sports/teams so they're not serious competitors themselves.

Softball coach here.

In a rec league at age 8 to 10, we do, in fact, deemphasize winning and losing, because at this age it truly is all about development, teaching the game (including good sportsmanship). At this age, winning truly IS NOT everything.

I have a very good team. Typically they win 8 or 9 out of 10 games. When they win and ask if we win, I tell them pretty casually yes they did, and allow some celebration. Once or twice there's been some preening and taunting, and I nip that in the bud. If they ask for the SCORE, I often don't tell them, especially if it's lopsided. That's because they might sometimes come across kids from the other team in school or in church or something.

When they DO lose and they ask, I tell them, "yeah, we lost, but that's OK, we can't win every game" and let them see me shrugging it off like it's no big deal. Becuase it isn't. Not at 8, 9, 10 years old. I quickly divert the conversation to any questions they have about what happened in the game.

My goal as a coach at this age is to instill confidence in their skills, appreciation for the game, and a desire to return next year. And, I hope, some sportsmanship so that when they're older and the sports really do become more competitive, they handle winning AND losing with grace.

I have coached in a league where score was not kept (coach pitch softball; 8U). There was no way to keep score with the rules, because every kid batted in every inning. That was the rule. The coal was to teach the girls how to play in a minimally competitive environment.

A could of times, I was asked who won by the girls. I would count the number of girls on each team, figure out how many out (i tracked that), and tell who scored more runs. But I would point out it was because of the number of girls.

In early sports, the goal is more to learn how to play as a team then to win. In younger kids sports, goals (soccer) and hits (baseball) is often luck -- good play facilitates the luck, but it is still luck. I wanted the girls to understand that playing well and cohesive put you in a position where luck matters.

Anonymous wrote:"We lost" or "we didn't win". Same thing. Nothing wrong with saying either one.

Be fortunate you're in a league that still keeps score like ours does. Some have stopped doing that.

DS is 6 and he knows when they win or lose. He's bummed when they lose, but he handles it fine and he knows that's just part of the game and its important that they do their best and play fair.

When I went to my son's first game, I was shocked that they just didn't keep score. Afterwards one of the other parents congratulated her kid on the win and the ref (high school kid) took her aside and chided her for that. It was crazy.

"We lost" or "we didn't win". Same thing. Nothing wrong with saying either one.

Be fortunate you're in a league that still keeps score like ours does. Some have stopped doing that.

DS is 6 and he knows when they win or lose. He's bummed when they lose, but he handles it fine and he knows that's just part of the game and its important that they do their best and play fair.

It's always better to frame things in the positive. This is not a big deal. Everyone knows they lost.

The coach is probably some nutty child psychologist who thinks that "we lost" would be damaging to their psyche.

I don't see issue with saying we didn't win, it's the same as saying we lost. No one (kids or coach) is pretending they won.

If you engage in sports, no matter what age, you need to know that every time one team will win and one team will lose. Yes, occasionally in some sports there are ties but sometimes you come out on top but other times, the other team wins and you lose.

May I also paraphrase something I heard that Nelson Mandela said...again, paraphrased but something like "Don't judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I failed but continued on."

OP here - so, i guess it's not big a deal when the coach or kids can't say "we lost the game"?

We have won on "points" which does not feel like a win. Also won on default (other team did not show up, qualify, DQ ect) which also does not feel much like a "win" to a kid.

Lots of sports here...

You lost. If you did not win or tie.

But if your season is all wins and ties you can technically say you are undefeated.

But, when my kids say this... I say " technically"

Kids need to lose, admit they lost and move on. They should be able to do this sometime in middle school. 8 is too young

Everyone wants to think kids don;t care about winning and losing but they do. As a coach of many teams over many years, it is the culture of things but they soon forget about them.

The key is to make sure the kids are getting better every game. It is up to the coach to get that message across but kids do know all about winning and losing.

been involved in kiddie sports for 5 years now (DS#1 is 10) and a couple months back, for the first time, i heard 8-yo DS#2's coach talking about a game that "we didn't win," then last weekend after DS#1 soccer game he answered his brother's inquiry with "we didn't win."

so, i'm wondering if this not unusual in these age groups for coaches/kids to not say they've lost a game.

full disclosure - i'm not a competitive person and sucked big time in sports growing up, so i'm really not judging, but when i overheard DS#2's coach said that, i immediately thought well that's unfair to the other team to not acknowledge their victory, even among your own players. and then i heard DS#1 used the exact phrase. i don't know where this sits in the grand scheme of sportsmanship but felt compelled to ask the BTDT parents/coaches on here whether this warrants further discussion with my kids.

by the way these are rec sports/teams so they're not serious competitors themselves.