Why does he want to go? For how long would this schedule last?

Anonymous wrote:I think a big part of this question is how strongly each half of the couple is committed to and capable of maintaining fidelity. If either partner is not 100% committed to and capable of monogamy, then 60% travel is a recipe for one party eventually becoming involved with a 3rd party.

Having said that, I do think it can work and even be enjoyable if both parties can maintain focus on the marriage partner and not nearby 3rd parties.

+1

Lot's of infidelity begins on the road, even just random hookups at the hotel bar.

I think a big part of this question is how strongly each half of the couple is committed to and capable of maintaining fidelity. If either partner is not 100% committed to and capable of monogamy, then 60% travel is a recipe for one party eventually becoming involved with a 3rd party.

Having said that, I do think it can work and even be enjoyable if both parties can maintain focus on the marriage partner and not nearby 3rd parties.

Anonymous wrote:Yes! We do this every few years (military) and it works for us. 23 years and counting...

What if he didn't have to but chose to do it?

Anonymous wrote:Is the extra per diem money *needed,* or just nice to have?

Nice to have. The travel is not necessary for either work or monetary reasons.

It's a bell curve how much travel a spouse tolerates. Some spouses tolerate near zero, others are okay with even 40-60%.

No answer is the right answer and unless you're trying to live a Ward 3 lifestyle on a Silver Spring budget, you are within your rights to ask him to tone down the travel.

Anonymous wrote:Yes! We do this every few years (military) and it works for us. 23 years and counting...

That's a job necessity.

60% is a bit extreme. 30% travel works best I think. It IMPROVES family life. You miss each other and compliment each other. You avoid fighting because your time together is limited. You have fewer or no financial arguments. If you see each other EVERY DAY, the relationship gets very stale. I highly recommend couples spend some time apart in order to have a healthy long lasting marriage.

I'd be wondering why he wanted to spend so much time away from his family. I'd also be saving whatever money he made for a divorce or marriage counceling, because if the marriage isn't in trouble now (which I doubt) it will get into trouble real quick. Relationships need to exist in the same time and space. If they can't they usually fail. Someone who wants a relationship but doesn't want to exist in the same time and space as the partner has intimacy issues.

That's my life. Not great.

Yes! We do this every few years (military) and it works for us. 23 years and counting...

I agree with the Pp regarding the needed vs would be nice to have. And by needed I don't mean "needed so we can set up a college fund" but needed just to pay bills.

DH works a 45-50 hr week and brings in enough to make us comfortable. He had the opportunity to make more and put us on a whole other level, but he turned it down because the hours and travel meant too much time away from kids and me. He had a dad that worked so much that he never saw any sports games, plays, recitals, etc and missed out on a large portion of his childhood. He didn't want to do that to his kids.

Is the extra per diem money *needed,* or just nice to have?

Because if we needed the money, we would suck it up for a little while, anyway.

But if it was just a nice extra, it would not be worth it. In fact, my DH knowingly makes less money than he potentially could in his field because he won't take a job with more than 25% travel. And I'm entirely on board with that.

Hell, no. Very hard to maintain a marriage with that much time apart.

If you husband traveled a lot - by personal choice, not out of job necessity. He'd earn a lot of extra money through per diem, but he'd see you and the kids every other month for a couple of weeks, you would spend over 60% of time separately. Would you be OK with that?