I'm the OP, and this is the question that I'll get from my DD: "why did Susie get an extra present from Grandma?" What will happen is that Grandma will buy the girls the identical item and then she'll get Susie one extra item. So it's obvious. No, I don't think life should be fair or equal, but to a seven-year-old, seeing that her cousin got one more present will translate that her grandma likes Susie better than she likes my DD (which probably is true).
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That's weird to bring more presents to counteract gifts from the kids other grandparents. In a perfect world they'd open them elsewhere, but good grief, you don't need to give your kids more. Just tell them those gifts are from their other grandparents, cousins, etc. Kids will never get it if you don't explain it to them, and life isn't always equal or fair. Stop being such consumers and focus on giving, family time etc instead of filling the landfill with more crap.
This! This!
OP, you seem to think that your kids should get exactly the same number of gifts as their cousins. Will this bleed over into everything? If you hear that cousin got two birthday gifts from grandparents but your child got one, is that going to rankle you? Or does it only matter if the kids are opening them in front of each other? Will the kids learn that they should get an award if their classmate gets one, or that everyone should get a trophy on the soccer team even if they didn't turn up for every game? Where does that thinking end? I know -- you're talking about grandparents. But the same thinking that says "everyone must get the same number of gifts" leads right into "everyone gets the same everything, every time." It breeds a sense of entitlement.
This kind of question has come up on here before. Grandparents seem to be expected to treat everyone with perfect equality. Same with aunts and uncles. Maybe these relatives saw stuff that reminded them of the other kids and just got it for them. Maybe they simply know the other kids better than they know yours and know what those kids would enjoy. Maybe the person giving the gifts went with several smaller gifts for one kid but one more expensive gift for another kid. Whatever. Unless your kids are very young and therefore prone to whine about the number of gifts, let it go, and teach them to be grateful for what they get: "You get what you get and you don't get upset."
We're raising a lot of kids who are going to think life is fair and equal all the time. It's a disservice to them to let them think that and it makes them feel entitled rather than grateful.
If your kids are healthy today and your family is safe and has a roof over its head and a secure income, let everything else GO.
Anonymous wrote:
That's weird to bring more presents to counteract gifts from the kids other grandparents. In a perfect world they'd open them elsewhere, but good grief, you don't need to give your kids more. Just tell them those gifts are from their other grandparents, cousins, etc. Kids will never get it if you don't explain it to them, and life isn't always equal or fair. Stop being such consumers and focus on giving, family time etc instead of filling the landfill with more crap.
This! This!
OP, you seem to think that your kids should get exactly the same number of gifts as their cousins. Will this bleed over into everything? If you hear that cousin got two birthday gifts from grandparents but your child got one, is that going to rankle you? Or does it only matter if the kids are opening them in front of each other? Will the kids learn that they should get an award if their classmate gets one, or that everyone should get a trophy on the soccer team even if they didn't turn up for every game? Where does that thinking end? I know -- you're talking about grandparents. But the same thinking that says "everyone must get the same number of gifts" leads right into "everyone gets the same everything, every time." It breeds a sense of entitlement.
This kind of question has come up on here before. Grandparents seem to be expected to treat everyone with perfect equality. Same with aunts and uncles. Maybe these relatives saw stuff that reminded them of the other kids and just got it for them. Maybe they simply know the other kids better than they know yours and know what those kids would enjoy. Maybe the person giving the gifts went with several smaller gifts for one kid but one more expensive gift for another kid. Whatever. Unless your kids are very young and therefore prone to whine about the number of gifts, let it go, and teach them to be grateful for what they get: "You get what you get and you don't get upset."
We're raising a lot of kids who are going to think life is fair and equal all the time. It's a disservice to them to let them think that and it makes them feel entitled rather than grateful.
If your kids are healthy today and your family is safe and has a roof over its head and a secure income, let everything else GO.
Anonymous wrote:That's weird to bring more presents to counteract gifts from the kids other grandparents. In a perfect world they'd open them elsewhere, but good grief, you don't need to give your kids more. Just tell them those gifts are from their other grandparents, cousins, etc. Kids will never get it if you don't explain it to them, and life isn't always equal or fair. Stop being such consumers and focus on giving, family time etc instead of filling the landfill with more crap.
Anonymous wrote:I am one of the posters from the other unfair treatment thread. This is one of the reasons we are staying home for Christmas. My SIL comes to MIL/FIL's house every other Christmas, this is their year. We go on the Christmas that they are at their IL's home. However, when we are there and my SIL is at her IL's, my MIL/FIL want to Skype with them every other day.
The one year we all spent Christmas together, my husband made it clear to his parents that presents needed to be equal, if not in quality definitely in quantity. He also said the same to my sister because she would bring presents from her inlaws for the kids to open in front of our children. When this happened, we brought extra presents - and just said oh we forgot something in the trunk! I know it all sounds like game playing, but it awful. Our kids were too young to understand that these presents were from another relative of their cousins. My family does not celebrate Christmas so there are no presents from my side of the family.
Knowing that things are unequal...I only spend about $10-15 on Christmas and Birthday presents for niece and nephew. I used to spend alot more and never received a thank you, verbal or written.
Anonymous wrote:I am one of the posters from the other unfair treatment thread. This is one of the reasons we are staying home for Christmas. My SIL comes to MIL/FIL's house every other Christmas, this is their year. We go on the Christmas that they are at their IL's home. However, when we are there and my SIL is at her IL's, my MIL/FIL want to Skype with them every other day.
The one year we all spent Christmas together, my husband made it clear to his parents that presents needed to be equal, if not in quality definitely in quantity. He also said the same to my sister because she would bring presents from her inlaws for the kids to open in front of our children. When this happened, we brought extra presents - and just said oh we forgot something in the trunk! I know it all sounds like game playing, but it awful. Our kids were too young to understand that these presents were from another relative of their cousins. My family does not celebrate Christmas so there are no presents from my side of the family.
Knowing that things are unequal...I only spend about $10-15 on Christmas and Birthday presents for niece and nephew. I used to spend alot more and never received a thank you, verbal or written.